Santorum gets suicidal over teleprompters

GOPTEA™ CAMPAIGN TRAIL —GlossyNews Listening to Rick Santorum speak is like listening to him arguing with himself. He keeps arguing and arguing until he realizes he has won. Then he smiles a cheshire cat smile of a grin, and makes a note of his win.

“I always believed it’s illegal for the President to read off a teleprompter,” Santorum said. “See, you’re reading someone else’s words, but you are conning the citizens to believe you wrote them yourself. That’s a false theology, secular values…whatever.”

“Whatever I speak as a Presidential candidate, I use the words God wants me to use, no matter what subject I am speaking on – the gays, abortion, contraceptives, birth control, teleprompters…these sexual, I mean secular issues are, in truth, God’s Holy Issues. Whenever I am speaking about them, I use His Words because God’s Word is the law of the land according to our Constitution. Shame on you, shame on you, shame on you I say, if you don’t believe what I say.”

“You’d probably ask me, ‘Can’t a person write their speech themselves and then read it off the teleprompter to get everything right yet maintain audience eye contact?’ And I say, no they can’t. God-inspired human thought makes up the words of a Presidential speech, then the life of that speech becomes almost a human person-thought, which is now God-protected speech. Once those words go into that digital word machine, there’s no telling what way they will come out and be read as the speech. Even God’s words can be digitized in a machine to be read by a Satan. This technology is liberal snobbism at its best. And very un-God-like.”

“When you’re choosing a leader, it isn’t, a leader isn’t just about what’s written on a piece of paper. A leader is appointed by God to lead the people, his speeches shouldn’t come from a machine. God is not a machine when He speaks to me, and that is not how I choose to speak God’s words to you as citizens,” he said.

“Teleprompters are for speeches written by pollsters and speechwriters, not for using the Word of God as a President. That’s as sure as uttering blasphemy, in my mind.”

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On a different note, Samuel Wurzelbacher, the newly selected Ohio Congressional candidate best known as “Joe the Plumber,” said Thursday he would petition his state election board to list his name on the ballot in November as Joe T. Plumber, instead of his unknown persona, Samuel Wurzelbacher.

In answer to a CNN question about the legality of running for office under an assumed name, Mr. Wurzelbacher said “Oh yeah? So says you. And who qualified you to be able to ask me these “gotcha questions? I’m an American citizen, you know, and that’s all you need to know.”

“Your headline should be ‘American Citizen Joe T. Plumber to run for seat in US House of Representatives,’ What you want to write about is just silly.”