Category: Top Stories
Romney Leads Among Schizophrenics
GlossyNews.com – CLEVELAND – A new Gallup poll released today finds that Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney continues to trail President Obama in popularity among women, African-Americans, Hispanics, Asians, people with cell phones, people aware of the internet, and voters…
Florida Voters Stand Ready to Prevent Romney Zombie Apocalypse
GlossyNews.com – MIAMI – In a state plagued by natural disasters, exploding pythons, and the strangest politics on the planet, Florida voters are bracing for the latest horror — zombie apocalypse! (This is a guest post from Rebecca Wakefield.) Mindless…
Local Man Ready to Get Out There and Make His Terrible Decision Count
GlossyNews.com – INDIANAPOLIS – After months of bitter debating, hard-line rhetoric and a torrent of political attack ads, local man Peter Hackley insists he is ready to get out there and make his terrible and ill-considered decision count Tuesday. Basing…
Microsoft Paperclip Endorses Mitt Romney
GlossyNews.com – The Microsoft Paperclip has declared that he is a Republican and has come to the aid of Mitt Romney with an 11th hour endorsement of the pro-corporate candidate. The Paperclip is largely known for his letter writing interventions,…
Return of the Bride of ‘He Who Shall Not Be Named’
GlossyNews.com – Mitch Couler, the Senior manager Of the Romney campaign in the D.C. area had recovered nicely from the seizures induced when he learned that both ‘He Who Shall Not Be Named’ and Dick Cheney both had come out…
Romney Faceplate Cracks in Front of Iowa Crowd
GlossyNews.com – This morning, as the sun rose on the cornholing state, Mitt Romney stood in front of a gathered crowd of John Deere factory workers, when his robotic faceplate fractured and fell off of his robot face. The crowd…
LEAK: Paul Ryan Already Signed to Do Playgirl
GlossyNews.com – Before the dust can even settle in the 2012 presidential election, TMZ has received word that vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan has inked a 7-figure deal to shoot a full spread in Playgirl Magazine. Robert Benson, an official…
Reason 17 I’m Voting Romney: I Like His Hair
GlossyNews.com – [Note from the Staff of Glossy News: We proofread the author Tim Jones’ rant below about why he’s switching his vote from Obama to Romney. We uncovered a few minor errors in his analysis and felt compelled to…
Election Day 2012: Obama Starts Cleaning Out the Oval Office
GlossyNews.com – The White House With exit polls sliding against them faster than butter on a hot skillet, the current occupants of the White House are starting to realize that a moving date will be a reality in January, 2013….
Breaking News: Romney Shows Human Emotion
GlossyNews.com – In a rare break from election cycle protocol, Governor Mitt Romney was permitted to stand before a crowd of reporters, in what they all agreed was the very moment they had been waiting for in the 16-months they’ve…