GlossyNews.com – The White House With exit polls sliding against them faster than butter on a hot skillet, the current occupants of the White House are starting to realize that a moving date will be a reality in January, 2013.
Empty moving boxes first started to arrive discreetly as early as October 1st as the First Family realized that American voters were angry after four disgustingly inept years of anemic economic growth, and in the world’s eyes, a sliding leadership position with scattered decision making and an unacountable State Department causing four needless deaths in Bengazi, Libya.
PHOTO INSERT: ‘Look Joe, here’s that really funny doodle you drew with fangs and horns on Sarah Palin after she said you were a village idiot… Hey Wait! Here’s a photo with you saying goodbye to your village elders back in 1982!’(CLICK PHOTO TO ENLARGE)
In a secret family meeting held at the imaginary CIA bunker in nearby Arlington or on the International Space Station, the First Family made plans to exit the White House in January and head back to Hawaii where they’ll become residents again, enjoying a really long vacation. Presumably as Kenyan Muslims, though reports are unconfirmed.
Vice President Joe Biden helped prepare the President’s Oval Office memorabilia and Presidential papers for pick-up by Steve’s Moving Service who has been moving past president’s personal items for 85 years. Steve Montrose, age 110, has his two sons Elmer and Gomer help him as the usual heavy boxes are becoming difficult for Steve to move now, but he still loves the excitement of seeing a First Family head for greener pastures.
“Yeah we moved Dick Nixon out without much notice. Had to charge them an early fee for the rush job, but we made out okay ’cause we moved Ford in pronto on the return trips, ” recalls Steve as he helped himself to a few choice chocolate cookies from the White House kitchen.
“When we moved that Carter [fellow], I reckon he was a pretty sore loser and he threw stuff all around and was mad as a wet hen,” says Steve, chuckling as he recalled some of the more memorable moves.
“Now that Clinton bunch really took it hard. Cussing and moaning as he packed up his stuff [even though it had been a full eight-years]. We had one box filled with weird ‘toys’ too and a whole bunch of them really stinky cigars that he made us promise not to tell his wife about!”
Archival specialists from the Smithsonian Institute promised to be on hand during the move so a repeat of the last controversial move-out by an angry Democrat ex-occupant wouldn’t happen again, especially after when one-of-a-kind White House table settings, silverware, rare artwork, and Presidential Seal embroidered towels mysteriously went unaccounted for during move-out day in January, 2000.
“I did not have silverware relations with that table setting,” said William Jefferson Clinton from his hotel suite in Toledo, Ohio. “Nothing could be further from the truth, you can check my cupboards, seriously.”
The U-Haul Corporation has promised Steve the use of a free moving truck for as far as the California coast. The GOP Election Committee promised a free raft and oars for the First Family’s exclusive use from the California coastline to their destination in Honolulu.
Steve shrugged his shoulders as he laughed through a toothless grin, “At least they could’ve given that there nice colored feller a outboard motor or something. If’n I was him, I’d be fearin’if my wife be holding a big fat wooden oar on a three-thousand mile journey after I just finished blowing a gull darn election!”