Category: Top Stories
The Amending Of The Amendments- We Take A Trip Back To 1789
Welcome dear readers as we take a trip through time back to when our forefathers were writing that fateful and world famous bit of legislation so beloved and contested over in our time, the Amendments to the Constitution of the…
Marcus Bachmann Furiously Gerrymandering Hetero Lines
Conservative icon and shockingly good dancer Marcus Bachmann is in the news again, following allegations that he had inappropriate contact with one of his “patients” at his “pray the gay away” clinic. “Well we all know what’s straight and what…
Obama Resigns… Almost
In a surprise announcement, Barack Obama has decided to step down. Foregoing the balance of his second term, the President will pass on the executive reins of government to his vice president, Joe Biden. Obama revealed his decision during his…
SNL Caught ‘Rounding Second’ with Obama–World Shocked
The signs, though subtle and unseen by many, were always there. The episode before last of the much loved, sketch comedy TV show only underscored the true reality of their relationship. After Seth Meyers, the Weekend Update news anchor, more…
Florida Governor Rick Scott Battling Leukemia
Following months of speculation, the governor’s office has this morning confirmed what red-blooded, God-fearing Americans have long suspected. He’s a sick and dying man. “I’ve always fought hard against the ills that plague us, but I’m more comfortable when it’s…
We Need More Debt, Please
My cousin Penin Diaz, a used car salesman, claims to have found the solution to stimulating the economy, ending the home foreclosure crisis and reducing unemployment (or at least the loss of income due to unemployment). I unfortunately owe him…
NRA Members Suffering From Selective Hearing Disorder – I SAID, “NRA MEMBERS SUFFERING FROM HEARING DISORDER”
Scientists have begun a study of NRA members who seem to have a vacillating hearing problem in which most of their die hard publicum hear certain things in clarity and then on others are fuzzy. “It is a really strange…
Should the Federal Government Help New York & New Jersey Rebuild?
The northeast was recently devastated by super-storm Sandy and the local government has found that, unlike in other natural disasters, federal action and relief has been slow coming. To some it appears a matter of the politics of fiscal responsibility,…
U.S. Congressman defends citizen right to all weapons
U.S. Congressman Ted Yoho (Republican – Florida) has come out in favor of American citizens owning the same weapons as the U.S. military. “On guns, [my constituents] were saying that the sentiment, when you read the Second Amendment, is that…
Joe Biden Appointed Secretary of Intermoronical Affairs
Vice President Joe Biden has reason to smile. Not only did the Delawarean Dynamo just get sworn into a second term of office; now Washington news organizations are reporting that Biden has been tapped to serve jointly as head of…