Category: Top Stories
Trump to Open Chain of Children’s Casinos
Free-market capitalist and cranial gopher rescue haven Donald Trump has announced this week that he’ll open a new line of casinos aimed squarely at the children’s market. Many see this as a provocative, or even illegal move, but since all…
McDonald’s Launches Healthy Go-Eat-Elsewhere Option
Responding to ongoing criticism of its nutritional practices, fast food giant McDonald’s today announced its new healthy go-and-eat-somewhere-else option. From December 1st, select McDonald’s chains across the country will be offering several all-new disclaimers on its menu, including “you might…
Ann Coulter cuts out Latino’s heart, eats it
Conservative pundit Ann Coulter surprised viewers on Sean Hannity’s Fox News show when she carved into the body of a Latino immigrant and pulled out a heart. “I swear to God we will eat your hearts out, you Mexican illegals….
Republicans Force Illegal Immigrants out of the Country–305 Million to Leave Immediately
WASHINGTON D.C.–In a historic, and extremely surprising, turn of events for the land of the free and home of the brave, almost 90% of its diverse population has now found itself without a country or a home. Yesterday, on Capitol…
NRA Promotes New Mass Shootings to Stimulate Gun Sales
The NRA, flush with a victory over the US Government and common sense in general with their defeat of all gun bills, has decided to keep on a roll and create more gun sales by stimulating more mass shootings. Observing…
The Advantage of Having Amish Work on Your Farm
The advantages to having Amish work on your farm: • They won’t be drunk on the job. • They won’t be cussing or spitting. • They won’t chase after your wife or daughter. • They won’t come to work high…
Ringmaster Carney Helps Obama Turn Scandals into Circus Spectacular
In a colorful press conference held at the White House a few days ago, press secretary/circus master Jay Carney lived up to his last name as scandals piled up like elephants in a circus ring or clowns in a clown…
John Kerry Transfers into Mainframe to Destroy 3D-printed Gun Blueprints..
United States Department of State Secretary John Kerry joined with Deputy Secretaries William Joseph Burns and Thomas Nides in an effort to destroy the 3D gun blue prints released by DEFCAD, a site hosted by Defense Distributed. The State Department…
Obama responds to Benghazi controversy as 15 killed in blast
President Obama defended today his administration’s response to the Benghazi terror attack as a car bomb explosion killed several people near a Benghazi hospital. “Nobody understood exactly what was taking place during the course of those first few days” Obama…
Anti-Tax Crusaders Shocked IRS Would Question Them
Tea Party political activity groups, known for their hardline anti-tax position, were singled out by the IRS for scrutiny. “It’s crazy,” says anti-tax crusader and Wisconsin Tea Party head Colin Felcher. I can’t imagine a single reason why they’d think…