Category: Top Stories
Entire Population of Indiana Tired of This Sh*t
INDIANAPOLIS – Citing various factors, ranging from the lack of viable job opportunities to the general malaise of winter, the entire population of Indiana announced Saturday that it is so goddamn tired of this shit, adding: “really?”. Holy effing shart,…
Drunken Governor Sells Indiana Back to Native Americans
INDIANAPOLIS – Calling it the most regrettable legislative decision of his career, Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels – apparently under the influence of alcohol – agreed to sell the entire state of Indiana back to the Native Americans Saturday. According to…
Blowback from Koch Story from (Un)likely A-Hole
We recently ran a story about the infamous Koch brothers’ wealth. Their wealth has increased $33 billion since the horrible Obama took office, but apparently that’s not enough of a story for some random jackass from the internet. So let’s…
Non-Partisan Partisan Groups Terrorizing Republicans, Democrats Alike
Sick of the constant bickering between the two major political parties in America and the endless difficulties if makes for the common man, small groups of non-partisan partisan groups have taken to hiding in the woods and in the cellars…
Nine Nasty Reasons to Never Shop at Best Buy
It would be too easy to go into the daily fraud perpetrated by suckering trusting customers into buying gold-plated HDMI cables. Sure, they sell cables at 5,000% markup on the odd hour, but that aside, they’re terrible, incompetent and wholly…
Emergency Rooms Filled with Victims of Thumb Amputations
Hospitals and 911 phone banks were overwhelmed Saturday night when 16% of the nation lost its thumbs. “It was mass chaos,” said Doctor Anne Fulbright at Dallas General Hospital. “All of sudden all these thumbless white people showed up spurting…
Michele Bachmann Introduces Revelation Act
Today Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-MN) introduced a bill to “hasten the coming of Christ and the Revelation.” At a press conference she stated, “It seems to me as good Christians we should be doing something about the Second Coming. This…
Adorable Indianapolis Desperately Trying to Convince Nation It a Major City
INDIANAPOLIS – As the Super Bowl nears its conclusion, the quite adorable city of Indianapolis is still desperately trying to convince the rest of the country that it is a major metropolis. Pulling in thousands of football fans from the…
Tea Party Representatives to Support Work and Education Centers for Poor
The debate over entitlement, drug testing of children who receive food stamps and student loans took surprising turn on the House floor. Representative Ted Cruz (R-TX) said, “We were debating the issue of drug testing when somebody said, ‘What would…
Collector David Koch Invites Reporters to View His Coveted Cash Heaps
Billionaire businessman David Koch, known for his political activism, entrepreneurial prowess and world-renowned collection of money has invited photographers and journalists in to see his private collection first hand. David and his brother Charles both inherited a large, private collections…