Tea Party Representatives to Support Work and Education Centers for Poor

The debate over entitlement, drug testing of children who receive food stamps and student loans took surprising turn on the House floor.

Representative Ted Cruz (R-TX) said, “We were debating the issue of drug testing when somebody said, ‘What would it take to round them up and make them work?’ We had a good chuckle, but someone else said, “No really.

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Instead of giving these leeches money, we should create giant labor and education centers to house them in and put them to work for the State.’ Then another member added, ‘We could use them to fight wars, patrol borders, harvest crops, and all manner of jobs to save the government money.’”

Raul Labrador (R-ID) said, “This would solve the illegal Mexicans coming in and taking American jobs.” A chorus of hallelujahs went up.

Tennessee Congressman Stephen Fincher mentioned he could use some cheaper labor on his farm and knew plenty of others who were sick and tired of spending their government subsidies on workers.

Deficit hawk Rand Paul (R-KY) added, “Our deficit would be gone in no time, the poor would have chance to feel good about themselves working for the State, and we’d take care of the problem of what to do with poor people, while the State gets a cheap labor force. Get rid of all those highly paid public employees along with their benefits and pensions. Save us taxpayer money. This is a great idea and we could call it The Newer Deal.”

There would be the added benefit that a few forced death marches to labor and reeducation centers will thin out the herd too. Force them to work or die. Or both.

When asked about education representatives agreed that learning to work would be a great start for all those deadbeats. “Of course we would like to see mandatory bible study where they can learn about Christ’s love and compassion, but some liberals will have fits about that I’m sure,” said Louie Gohmert (R-TX).

“They just want to help Al-Qaeda and destroy America.” Gohmert went on to say, “If we had a leader like Putin, this would be a slam dunk. And he would lock up all the gays and their crowd too and get an honest day’s work out of them like those Pussy Riot agitators.” Paul Ryan (R-WI) turned down his iPod and added, “Ayn Rand would be required reading and no liberal will cry about that.” He then rocked out again.

“It just makes my heart warm to think of all them poor black children chained together along the road, learning how to work together. That is a teachable moment,” said a spokesman for Representative Robert Aderhol (R-AL). “Just the America we want back.”

Author: jdmathes

Jerry D. Mathes II is a Jack Kent Cooke Scholar alumnus. He is the author of The Journal West: Poems, an essay collection, Fever and Guts: A Symphony, and a memoir, Ahead of the Flaming Front: A Life on Fire, about his experiences fighting wildfire. He has received Special Mention for Fiction in The Pushcart Prize XXXI, XXXIV and XXXV along with several other nominations, had an essay listed as notable in Best American Essays, a story listed as notable in Best of the West, as well as other awards. He loves his two daughters very much.