Category: Biz News
Miracle Whip Forsakes Forlorn Food Gobbler
Kraft, purveyor of many fine foods and some others a bit on the course side. To me, they’re the makers of Miracle Whip, and the miracles were nothing short of canonization-worthy. Yes, I’m talking about the now-discontinued dipping and sammy…
Pittsburgh PUC Halts Ride-Sharing At Kennywood
PITTSBURGH — Ruling that the threat to public safety is “theoretically a very real problem under the principles of String theory,” a two-judge panel has shut down ride-sharing at Kennywood park in West Mifflin. The ruling makes it illegal for…
Angry Liberals Vow to Open New Chain of Stores Called ‘Snobby Lobby’
Boston – Liberals are seething over the Supreme Court decision which allows Hobby Lobby to not have to offer certain birth control products which they believe induce abortions and which violate their religious beliefs. Hateful people took to twitter after…
Hog Farmers Proudly Sell Parts Right to the Bitter, Musky Ends
Social media has blown up with images of an actual box of American made pork product, the “Boneless Pork Rectum, Inverted”. We take you inside this unusual treat. Boneless means without bone. Pork is the industry term for pig products….
Travelocity; Genius, Evil or Evil Genius? (We’ll find out Monday)
When I went to book my upcoming trip I found the best deal at Travelocity.com, but at what price? The answer may surprise you. It sure as hell surprised me, and perhaps not in the good way. I booked a…
U.S. Employers Look to Increase Productivity By Hiring More Human Centipedes
WASHINGTON — Following the U.S. Department of Labor’s recent report that employee productivity fell 3.2 percent in the first quarter of 2014, many companies are looking to overcome such weak proletariat performance by investing in the hiring of more human…
Federal Reserve: “We Can Print Dollars Forever”
WASHINGTON – Federal Reserve chair Janet Yellen yesterday affirmed her confidence that the Federal Reserve Bank can “print dollars forever.” Yellen stated at the National Press Club: “The Federal Reserve can expand its balance sheet indefinitely. We are prepared to…
Cancer to be Rebranded the ‘Super King Slimming Disease’ by Cigarette Companies
Court documents revealed today in a US class action have described what the big tobacco firms intend to do, now that their growing markets in the emerging economies are becoming more aware of the associated health risks of smoking. The…
Koch Bros. Top $100 Billion, Dead Pharaohs Impressed
Charles and David Koch, best known for the purest grades of frack-water you drink and the mercury you breathe, have reportedly topped the $100 billion mark in net worth. Let’s break down how much money that really is. Clearly it’s…
Redskins Owner Dan Snyder To Open Chain of Reservation Liquor Stores
Responding to claims of racial insensitivity over the team name, NFL Redskins owner Dan Snyder embarked on a month long voyage of discovery to dozens of Native American Reservations. In a widely distributed press release issued on Monday, Snyder said…