Category: Society
The Myth of the GOP Repeal & Replace Talking Point
It was difficult for Republicans to fight against Obamacare. While they tried to vilify it, people actually liked what it stood for, and the rebate checks from premiums didn’t hurt either. But in opposing something designed to fix a national…
Dead Teen Suddenly Most Popular Kid in School
CUMBERLAND – Josh Stasiak, the tragic 13-year-old who was killed in an accident on the corner of Washington St and German Church Rd Wednesday, is suddenly the most popular kid at the school he attended since 2008. According to sources…
UFO Sightings Reignite Debate Over Whether Intelligent Life Exists in Indiana
SCOTTSBURG – Following a spate of UFO sightings across southern Indiana Wednesday, debate has intensified once more over whether or not intelligent life exists inside the Hoosier State. Several disc-shaped crafts hovering over Scottsburg, Indiana were reported to local media…
Indiana Fails to Make Top 50 ‘Most Interesting States In the Union’
INDIANAPOLIS – Following a year-long study by the United States Census Bureau, the state of Indiana found itself just missing out on a top fifty position in a list of the most interesting states in the union Saturday. Despite having…
Nation’s Evil Clowns Rally Against Murderous Stereotype
ANN ARBOR, MI—In response to recent stirs caused by the “Northampton Clown,” several members of the group Sensible Tricksters Against Bias gathered in the parking lot of an Ann Arbor area Home Depot to promote awareness that not all evil…
How to initiate a Twerk Session
It’s a Friday night. Classes went well because you didn’t drool on your desk when you fell asleep during the lecture in Philosophy class, and the girl who sits behind you agreed to go to a house party with you…
Study Confirms Every Slight Embarrassment from Middle School to Haunt You on Your Deathbed
COLLEGE PARK, MD—According to a recent study from the University of Maryland, an overwhelming majority of patients on their deathbed were consumed by every single slightly embarrassing or awkward moment from their middle school years. Highly distraught over each and…
HIV Cured in Monkeys, People Who Have Sex Exclusively With Monkeys
PORTLAND, Ore. — Researchers at Oregon Health and Science University have developed a vaccine capable of clearing an HIV-like virus from primate test subjects and which is being hailed as a breakthrough discovery for people who have sex exclusively with…
Forgetful Bush ‘Still Occasionally Turning Up to White House Unannounced’
WASHINGTON D.C. – Sources in Washington D.C. have confirmed that former U.S. President George W. Bush is still forgetfully turning up to the White House unnanounced. He was seen this morning idly walking around the grounds of the White House,…
African Dictator Unveils Plan to Combat AIDS Epidemic: ‘Let Them All Starve’
HARARE, ZIMBABWE – Following an emergency meeting with senior members of his ZANU PF Party, longtime ruler of Zimbabwe Robert Mugabe unveiled bold new plans Friday to alleviate the country’s growing AIDS outbreak, declaring: “they must all starve.” Opting to…