Nation’s Evil Clowns Rally Against Murderous Stereotype

ANN ARBOR, MI—In response to recent stirs caused by the “Northampton Clown,” several members of the group Sensible Tricksters Against Bias gathered in the parking lot of an Ann Arbor area Home Depot to promote awareness that not all evil clowns “want to kill [you].”

The group maintained that such a misconception contributed to the general assumption that the “Northampton Clown” had dire intentions.

RIGHT: Photo by Graeme Maclean via Flickr. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

“For years, Hollywood has cast evil clowns in a negative light by depicting us as bloodthirsty killers while in reality many of us are content just to terrify people,” said an objectively sinister-looking performer in an attempt to reshape public opinion regarding the perception of evil clowns.

When questioned about the large kitchen knife he kept on his person, the objectively sinister-looking clown claimed it was “just for self-defense.”

Several nearby witnesses voiced their support for evil clowns.

“I like the idea. It makes me feel like I’m in a Batman movie,” said an exceedingly unemployed man.

Members of S.T.A.B. were clearly determined to make it widely known that the media has distorted and tarnished the image of evil clowns everywhere, as the rally went on for several hours.

Although the evil clown sympathizers stayed for most of the rally, even the most steadfast among them decided to leave before it got too dark.

The group conservatively estimates it would likely take at least 10 years for the general public to see evil clowns not as murderers, but merely scary distortions of the human form.

Author: Rusty Shackleford

Rusty Shackleford is a comedy writer typing away from a bunker in an undisclosed location.

8 thoughts on “Nation’s Evil Clowns Rally Against Murderous Stereotype

  1. ALL LIES!

    OK, it really just a boring Sunday morning and I feel troll-like so I thought I’d start this one on fire again.
    Pathetic, isn’t it?

    Nice article Schicklefort or whoever you are.

  2. Editor here. Can confirm this was in the system early yesterday. If we'd chosen to run it last night, would you be over at the daily mash accusing them of theft?

    And why would we steal this theme? It's the Halloween season, you can't leave your house or turn on a tv without seeing clowns for the first time in months.

  3. @Rich Pashley – When you write for sites such as Glossy News, killer clowns and such are reliable staples on slow news days. I very much doubt that the idea originated on the Daily Mash. It's just a theme, like the haunted house or the superhero. I wrote clown stories quite a long time ago. Doesn't mean I created a genre. It's just one of those things.

  4. This Glossy News article was completed and scheduled yesterday, September 19th, to be displayed today. Any contributor on here can back me up on that. Not that our word would mean anything to you. Simple misunderstanding.

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