Category: Society
Pre-Mother’s Day Riots Break Out Over Blueberry Pancakes
Supermarkets across America were the scene Saturday of knock-down, drag-out brawls over the last few packages of Blueberry Pancake Mix and frozen blueberry pancakes as children dragged their fathers, aunts, uncles and grandparents to the store to get the main…
Phoenix Hoping to Become New Mecca for Metrosexuals
Phoenix, AZ – Now that Phoenix is ridding itself of its “melting pot of the Southwest” image, its Chamber of Commerce is doing everything it can to attract metrosexuals to their fair city—if you have to ask, you’re not welcome….
Studies Reveal: Brazil is Mostly Jungle
May 8, 2010: Posted from a secure, undisclosed location by Glossy News South American correspondent in hiding. In a Glossy News exclusive, this reporter has learned most of the population of Brazil is concentrated in coastal areas, and the land…
Video Forensic Guy Not a ‘Miracle Worker’
Chicago, IL – For the third time in as many days, Chicago Police Department forensic analyst Ted Hatcher confessed to being unable to magically extract high definition pictures from damaged, out-of-focus, and low resolution images. Hatcher’s failure was met with disbelief and…
Vortexes in Sedona, Arizona Appear to be Disappearing
Sedona, AZ (GlossyNews) -– Sedona, Arizona, once known world-wide as a Mecca for those looking for metaphysical experiences due to the unusually large amount of vortices (vortexes) located there, is seeing a string of unhappy visitors leave the various sites…
Dozens of Psychics Warn ‘Something Big’ About to Happen
Somewhere (GlossyNews) — Wednesday was a hotbed of psychic activity as readings poured in from all over the country from psychics warning that “something big” is coming down the pike. They could not hone in on exactly what it was,…
CEOs, Economists Taken Out and Shot – Economy Soars
Bronx, NY (GlossyNews) — The world side recession surprisingly ended abruptly today after the CEO’s, Investors and Economists responsible for causing the downturn by bilking investors, gouging company finances and lying to the public were taken out and shot. Borrowing…
Vet Receptionist Loses Mind Upon Hearing Millionth Cutesy Pet Story
West Palm Beach, FL (GlossyNews) — Last Tuesday, Ida Roloff clutched her little “Poopsky,” and stood in front of the desk of busy veterinarian receptionist, Diane Wormer, known affectionately by her friends as “Dee.“ As they waited for the vet…
Woman Sheds 42 Pounds Doing Shopping Cart Cha-Cha
Dallas, TX (GlossyNews) — A new exercise craze is sweeping America by storm. It’s not Pilates, it’s not aerobics, or any number of other workout routines on the market these days. This one is based on getting up on your…
Arizona Gold Strike Rumored
Tucson, AZ (GlossyNews) — The mood was buoyant at this week’s Tucson Chamber of Commerce meeting. COC director Blaine Dillray addressed the recent astronomical increase in business spending. “Just goes to show that forecasts can be wrong; can’t argue with…