Category: Society
Copycat Killer Incapable Of Coming Up With Exciting Murder Scenarios of His Own
INDIANAPOLIS – Confessing Tuesday to the killing of 23-year-old Katheryn Morgan, copycat killer Dwayne Paulsen admitted that he is “just incapable” of coming up with creative murder scenarios of his own. Paulsen’s modus operandi bore stark similarities to that of…
Florida Governor Rick Scott Battling Leukemia
Following months of speculation, the governor’s office has this morning confirmed what red-blooded, God-fearing Americans have long suspected. He’s a sick and dying man. “I’ve always fought hard against the ills that plague us, but I’m more comfortable when it’s…
“Scientists”: This Year Officially Does Not Exist
In an announcement which may not come as a shock to readers from the United States, Barack Obama has declared that there will be no such year as 2013, which will now instead be referred to as 2014a. “The issue…
“Hopefully, One Day I’ll Finish The Job By Capping Paul And Ringo” – Mark David Chapman
Chilling words indeed from the slayer of former Beatle, John Lennon – but this is exactly what a former cellmate of the Catcher In The Rye freak alleges was said to him during a private conversation with Chapman. “We were…
Youngster Shocked Sam Adams More than Just “Dead Beer Guy”
BOSTON—Twenty-four-year-old Boston native and soon-to-be college grad, Richard Head, while sitting atop his cherry SUV and watching fireworks in the distance, learned a little bit more about American history and culture this past New Year’s–and, man, would his dad have…
Pro-Gunners Disapprove Label “Sandy Hookers”
In an unsurprising turn of events, the pro-gunners like Wayne LaPierre of the NRA have come out publicly to insist they do not like being called “Sandy Hookers”. They have also said they don’t like being called “pro-gunners”. “Just because…
Conservative Decorator Caught Gerrymandering Furniture
Gobbler’s Knob, PA – Conservative decorator William James has long been a fixture in this town with his drab color schemes and patriotic flag motifs. Scandal erupted this week when it was alleged that he gerrymandered furniture to better suit…
Boyfriend Somehow Given Final Say Over Which of These 2 Dresses Goes Best with The White Heels
INDIANAPOLIS – Despite possessing virtually no discernible fashion sense or understanding of basic color-coordination, local boyfriend Joseph Clapham was somehow given final say Thursday over which of these two dresses goes best with the white heels. Happy himself to just…
NRA Members Suffering From Selective Hearing Disorder – I SAID, “NRA MEMBERS SUFFERING FROM HEARING DISORDER”
Scientists have begun a study of NRA members who seem to have a vacillating hearing problem in which most of their die hard publicum hear certain things in clarity and then on others are fuzzy. “It is a really strange…
SEATTLE: Wanted – Gun, Working or Not $100-$200
Are you in Seattle, or close enough to drive? Would like to take that gun off your hands, no questions asked. Will give you a $100-$200 Amazon gift card for it. Just bring it to me. Okay, not me, but…