SEATTLE: Wanted – Gun, Working or Not $100-$200

Are you in Seattle, or close enough to drive? Would like to take that gun off your hands, no questions asked. Will give you a $100-$200 Amazon gift card for it. Just bring it to me.

Okay, not me, but the Seattle gun buy-back. I don’t want them. Nothing against your guns, I’m sure they’re lovely, well-oiled, and perfectly represent your manhood. No it’s not like that.

Amazon.com and a number of other Seattle-area businesses have chipped in to get guns off the streets.

They’ll take the non-collectibles and melt them down. They’ll give you $100-$200 (depending on the gun) even if you paid less than that to buy them (as I did for the Tek-9 I’ll be turning in. Collectible guns will, it seems, be spared.

So it’s up to you, Seattleite. Would you rather keep that boom-stick, or come get $100-$200 in Amazon goods. Bear in mind, Amazon isn’t just books. I’ve recently bought headphones, fingerless gloves, a power side-mirror and window control switch for my van, and an Annoying Orange plush toy from Amazon… I mean seriously, they have everything eBay does, minus the garbage.

Read all about it here, but it’s only being held on January 26th, 2013, so be ready.

And don’t worry about showing up with such a valuable piece of merchandise. Truth is, nobody in that line would dare try to rob anybody else… I mean, seriously, we all know that all of us are carrying guns!*

* But we all know we’re carrying un-loaded guns, and that everyone walking away is unarmed, so the lack of crime has nothing to do with that. Just wanted to point that out before the gun nuts try to say that being universally armed is a deterrent. The richest people at the thing will be unarmed.**

** And don’t go robbing this event to prove me wrong. If you do, I swear I’ll hunt you down and slap you in the face. I’m not just armed, I’m two-armed, and at the end of both my arms is an open palm, and I won’t hesitate to put it all over your face.

Author: Dexter Sinistri

Dexter Sinistri is a famously centrist writer who has worked as a Hollywood correspondent for a number of leading publications since 2005. Though once a photographer, Mr. Sinistri struck out as a writer on all things celebrity, and he likes to consider himself a tremendous asset to Glossy News, though by most accounts, he has fallen somewhat short of this effort.

4 thoughts on “SEATTLE: Wanted – Gun, Working or Not $100-$200

  1. Who the hell would oppose this?? Are you insane?? This is a free market solution. You get to do what you want with whatever thing you own, and only if you feel like it. Opposing gun buybacks is just like stamping your forehead with the word “Mentally Unstable”. And I’m being nice with that label, I thought of ten worse ones you could be.

  2. @John – Their minds may be small, but their wallets are awfully big. How can you oppose this? It’s a win-win for everybody. The police support it. The people sponsoring it with their real dollars support it… and everybody that shows up supports it. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t show up, would they?

    These are guns that serve no real purpose. They sit around. They aren’t being carried or used. They’re just waiting for a chance like this to be taken off the streets.

    Outlaw guns and only criminals will have guns? Yeah, you figured out the semantics of a hastily constructed argument, good work… but tell me where the criminals get their guns? In the US every gun starts out as a legal gun… it’s just that somewhere along the way it makes a wrong turn and ends up in the hands of a criminal. Maybe it’s stolen. Maybe it’s sold without a background check. They all start as legal guns, and every gun used in a crime is a crime-gun. Disprove that, fauly-logic man!

  3. If Gun-Free Zones are so prone to attracting gun criminals, why aren't the gun buybacks? We all know people leaving the scene are disarmed, and that they have cash in their pockets. If the Gun-Free Zone claim had any merit, these places would be hotspots for crime.

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