Youngster Shocked Sam Adams More than Just “Dead Beer Guy”

BOSTON—Twenty-four-year-old Boston native and soon-to-be college grad, Richard Head, while sitting atop his cherry SUV and watching fireworks in the distance, learned a little bit more about American history and culture this past New Year’s–and, man, would his dad have been proud.

“The last thing I thought I was going to get that night was a history lesson, if you know what I mean,” Richard revealed. “But leave it to Joe…he’s full of sh– like that. Anyways, there we were, sipping our favorite brewski and I says to Joe, ‘Eh Joe, who was Sam Adams anyways?’

And then Joe–he says to me, ‘You mean the dead beer guy?’ And I says, ‘No, I mean your mom. Of course the dead beer guy.”

And then Joe turns to me all serious like and says, ‘Don’t you know anything? He was one of those original American dads that found some Indian kids who were trapped in a well and saved them and then they all had the first Thanksgiving and that’s why they call them Founding Fathers.’”

“Wow,” I says. “I didn’t know that. No wonder he’s on such a good beer.”

“Exactly,” he says.

And after discussing many more things touching on history, culture, and other famous dead beer guys, a peaceful but surreal calm descended on the two friends that New Year’s night.

With the fading afterglow of the last firework (and the significance of their talk) still burning in his mind, Rich then turned to his friend and asked:

“Wanna get sh–faced?”


Author: jeff boldt

Writer and editor of Iron E-News - a satirical news website dedicated to that ever-abiding alternate bizarro world--at times all too closely mirroring our own. *Also writes under the pseudonym W.P. Scranton

5 thoughts on “Youngster Shocked Sam Adams More than Just “Dead Beer Guy”

Comments are closed.