INDIANAPOLIS – Despite possessing virtually no discernible fashion sense or understanding of basic color-coordination, local boyfriend Joseph Clapham was somehow given final say Thursday over which of these two dresses goes best with the white heels.

Happy himself to just hit the town wearing a no-nonsense combination of a button shirt and jeans, the 24-year-old was nonetheless charged with the thankless task of picking between the black-and-white polka-dot dress or, alternatively, the sexy red one.

“I mean, I guess the dotted one works well with the shoes, with it having bits of white in it and stuff,” said Clapham, immediately certain that his answer was wrong. “Or, you know, the red one matches the lipstick, so that’s good, right?”

In spite of his insistence that either dress would work fine, Clapham was subsequently offered a third option in the form of that satin green dress – you know, that one from H&M?

“That one’s good as well. It really… I don’t know… did you… it goes well with the necklace.”

Clapham’s involvement in the decision-making process notwithstanding, it was decided against his will that a hitherto untested yellow number with ruffles would suffice, with the white heels eventually making way for those super cute blue sandals.