Category: Kidz Zone
Mutant 2nd Graders – A Terrifying, Formidable Force
The New York Stock Exchange rose 3,000 points yesterday when news finally reached the floor of mutant second graders taking charge of financial interests in this country. Investment adviser, William Buffington III was reported hiding in a restroom stall, quivering…
Crayola Announces New “John Boehner Orange” Crayon Color
Pumpkin Place, Ohio (GlossyNews) —The poop on politics from Norbert B. Snortwhistle. The iconic Crayola crayon company announced it will introduce a new crayon color, “John Boehner Orange,” based on what it calls the “distinctive, even unique, hues and shades”…
Computer Beats Kids at Candy Land… Holy Terrorbytes, Batman
IBM is at it again, but this time their target for domination isn’t aimed at nerdy trivia buffs or intimidating chess masters. No, its electronic jaws are now chomping at the bit to take a megabyte out of sweet innocent…
Boy 14, Cracks Skull in Attempt to Board Hogwarts Express
London, England (Glossy News) – Paramedics arrived at London King’s Cross Railway Station on September 1st at 11:13 a.m. after a teenage boy of fourteen years cracked his scull in an attempt to get to platform 9¾ from the very…
Boy 16, Builds Life-Size Anatomically Correct Girl From Legos
Seattle, Ore. (Glossy News) – Mavis Gillard almost fainted when she opened her son’s bedroom door and caught David Jr. with what appeared to be a naked girl in bed. A first she wanted to scream bloody murder, but on…
Halloween Safety Tips to Avoid Raisin Poisonation
Halloween will soon be upon us. Here are some simple tips that should help keep the holiday safe and fun for everyone. 1. When planning your children’s trick-or-treating route, stick to residential neighborhoods. Try to avoid deserted industrial areas, construction…
Upset Lassie Leaves Timmy Down The Well
Through an interpreter (the Dog Whisperer), Lassie has informed local police the she has no plans to tell them which well Timmy is stuck in. The famous collie, who has saved the boy from multiple wells, caves, fires, storms, lions,…
Child Protective Services Crackdowns on Tater Tots, ‘Baby Back’ Ribs
SACRAMENTO, California (GlossyNews) — The California Department of Social Services launched the biggest child abuse crackdown in the agency’s history. Citing various infractions of both state and federal laws, the enforcement division of the CDSS, the Child Protective Services (CPS)….
Young Boy’s Wish Granted; Becomes Oscar Meyer Weiner
Rogersville, TN – GlossyNews.com – Little Johnny Krebbs loved to sit around his rural Rogersville home like any other kid daydreaming and making wishes. He wished for a puppy. Other times he wished for a new bicycle, but it wasn’t…
More Letters from Summer Camp
Just like the little ones, summer camp exists for tweens too. Here is a sampling of a couple of letters the tweens have written home to earn their “composition” badges. Dear Kate (haha Mom), Thank you, thank you, thank you,…