New Year Baby Refuses to be Born

SAN FRANCISCO–The first baby of New Year 2013 is refusing to depart his mother’s womb.

The child–identified during the first trimester as a boy and subsequently named Jonah by his parents—stated from in utero, he would permit another infant to play through and stake official claim to the New Year First Baby title.

“No worries,” offered Jonah, as his mother’s cervix contracted closed. “I’ll just hang out here a couple more days.”

Vegas oddmakers report over $10 million has been bet on the birth of the soon-to-be-San Francisco native, far exceeding wagers placed on any other potential American newborn. Data collected from the 2010 census by political forecasters left without anything to predict post-Presidential election pinpointed the likely location and time of birth of the odds on favorite.

The announcement by Jonah has thrown the gambling world into a frenzy with millions posting last minute bets on an unnamed Florida mother dilated at 7 centimeters, reportedly screaming in several languages for doctors to “… rip this demon seed OUT!!! …” of her body.

“Tell me when it’s over,” said Jonah.

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