First Seaman to Sail Up The Yin-Yang Gone Missing

Having heard about the mysterious and fabled Ying-Yang by scores of people who claimed to ‘have taken it up there,’ and wondering what going up it might actually mean for himself, sailor and adventurer, Frankie Johnson, advised his friends down at Finegan’s Bar that he had stocked up some provisions, bought 5 gallons of gas, a Chinese translation book, and would set sail on Sunday in order to be the first sailor to actually travel….Up the Ying-Yang. Read more First Seaman to Sail Up The Yin-Yang Gone Missing

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Victoria’s Secret Unveils Dubai-Chic Line, Not Literally

Victoria’s Secret has announced that it will be opening one of its first shops outside of North America—in Dubai of all places. While we can’t speak for the sanity of the folks who take care of expansion projects for the corporation, we have to wonder if possibly their bra straps were just a tad too tight when they chose this location to sell lingerie.

Authorities in Dubai will still arrest anyone indecently dressed, so women (and men) hoping to see the standard Victoria’s Secret offerings in the new shop will be quite disappointed. Read more Victoria’s Secret Unveils Dubai-Chic Line, Not Literally

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Thanksgiving Over; Needy Back in Storage

Preliminary reports say this year’s Project ISFC exceeded all expectations. Project I’m So Freaking Compassionate, begun several years ago in Southern California, has now expanded to most of the United States. This year, Thanksgiving meals were served cafeteria fashion to an estimated 340,000 people.

Delighted volunteers say it’s difficult to name just one highlight from 2010 activities, but the improved demeanor of the indigent was definitely a factor. “Yeah, they smell better now and they’re more grateful” said Tuscadegalooga, AL socialite Gladys Kravitz. Read more Thanksgiving Over; Needy Back in Storage

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Glossy News Guide: The Five People You Will Meet In Hell

DETROIT, Mich. (Glossy News) — Coming years after the much lauded success of his beloved novel, “The Five People You Meet In Heaven,” author Mitch Albom now returns to the best seller charts with “The Five People You Meet In Hell,” which he emphasizes is not a sequel.

In the first book, an amusement park maintenance man named Eddie dies unexpectedly while trying to save a young girl’s life at Ruby Pier. He unexpectedly finds that ‘life’ doesn’t end with his death. Read more Glossy News Guide: The Five People You Will Meet In Hell

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Buying Grandkid Toys on Credit Burying Seniors in Debt

More and more seniors are seeing their overall debt to income ratio increase due to the overwhelming urge to buy toys for their grand kids on credit to keep them in their good graces.

According to a study, a large majority of seniors 60 and over lost a good portion of their retirement savings during the last financial institution crisis. In addition, many are making large payments on homes that are worth less than the mortgage balance due to the housing crisis. Read more Buying Grandkid Toys on Credit Burying Seniors in Debt

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Boy 16, Builds Life-Size Anatomically Correct Girl From Legos

Seattle, Ore. (Glossy News) – Mavis Gillard almost fainted when she opened her son’s bedroom door and caught David Jr. with what appeared to be a naked girl in bed.

A first she wanted to scream bloody murder, but on taking a closer look she knew something was more than a little odd. The Blond-haired vixen was made entirely of Lego blocks. The form was shockingly accurate in almost every detail, even down to the blue eyes and perfectly square 36dd breasts, typical for women with plastic augmentation. Read more Boy 16, Builds Life-Size Anatomically Correct Girl From Legos

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Brutal Shopping Conditions Force Renaming to Black & Blue Friday

Traditionally, the Friday after Thanksgiving in America has always been known as Black Friday. This is a day when stores open their doors in the wee hours of the morning and offer the deepest discounts on popular items to give shoppers a break in price before hiking them back up to unattainable heights.

It is a day when shoppers will fight each other to the death over the last iPad or flat screen television offered for sale. It is for this reason, that Black Friday has now earned the nickname “Black and Blue Friday.” Read more Brutal Shopping Conditions Force Renaming to Black & Blue Friday

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Thanksgiving Wiped Out By Halloween & X-Mas Cartels

The time honored and highly respected holiday of Thanksgiving was wiped out by the rival gang cartels of Halloween and Christmas this year. For many years the Halloween gang, characterized by bizarre, scary costumes, and the Christmas gang, recognizable by their holly- colored getups and red Santa hats, have been cutting into Thanksgiving’s turf. Read more Thanksgiving Wiped Out By Halloween & X-Mas Cartels

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Lady Gaga’s Urinal Collection Raising Eyebrows

NEW YORK, NY – There are collectors and then there are collectors — those who transcend the bounds of baubles and nostalgia to dabble in the truly unusual. Some people are content to save stamps or coins. Others express their happiness with vintage record albums or memorabilia. But in the homes of fringe collectors, all of these objects are replaced by rarities such as shrunken heads, embalmed limbs of circus freaks, found art, and toilets. Among these collectors of the unusual, New York based rocker Lady Gaga stands out.

Upon entering her fashionable mid-town New York flat, one is struck with the decorating skills that make the home’s entrance comfortable and engaging — that is until one gains the living room, where along all three walls stand 22 fully working urinals, illuminated by hidden lights. Most are strikingly well preserved. Others evoke cringes to rival those seen in the public WCs at the Port Authority. Read more Lady Gaga’s Urinal Collection Raising Eyebrows

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TSA Screener Detects Testicular Cancer in Traveler, Saves Life.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. — Ceremonies will be held today in honor of William Fallopian, a local San Narciso boy turned hero. Fallopian, son of Mike Fallopian, a well known Yoyodyne executive and chairman of the Peter Pinguid Society, works for the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) at Los Angeles International Airport. Fallopian garnered national attention last week when, during a routine full body screening, he detected testicular cancer in a traveler waiting for clearance at the security checkpoint. Read more TSA Screener Detects Testicular Cancer in Traveler, Saves Life.

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Black Friday Specials Rumored to Include Food for the Poor

Women, Infants and Children (WIC) take heart. This year, Black Friday specials offered by stores such as Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Target, Sam’s Club and others aren’t all about the X-Box. They are all about survival. Instead of offering Wii’s for less than $100 and gaming equipment for a third of its original cost, these stores are offering milk at half price, cheese below the manufacturer’s cost, and cereal for next to nothing. Read more Black Friday Specials Rumored to Include Food for the Poor

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Driver Shaving Bikini Line Charged with “Unfortunate Accident”

TAMPA, Fla. (Glossy News) — A Florida woman on her way to visit her boyfriend had an accident on busy US Highway 1 today. Investigating officers say the accident occurred while the driver was temporarily distracted giving herself a bikini cut. Witnesses say she was driving at speeds of up to 65 mph. The driver who was rear-ended in the mishap was not injured. Paramedics discharged him on the scene. Read more Driver Shaving Bikini Line Charged with “Unfortunate Accident”

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Woman Claims Alter Ego Wrote Pornography without Her Permission

NIAGARA FALLS, N.Y. (Glossy News) — K. S. Trojan, famous author of “All Things Funny” is going after her alter ego for penning several pornographic poems without her knowledge or permission, and publishing them under the name Krazy K.

Asked how Ms. Trojan discovered the poems or learned that they were written by her alter ego, she merely stated that she found the poems hidden in a file in her word processing program, entitled “naughty bits.” When she opened one of them, Trojan could not believe her eyes. There in print were some of her deepest, darkest secrets — things only she could have known. Read more Woman Claims Alter Ego Wrote Pornography without Her Permission

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“Seven Brides For Seven Brothers” to be Remade… Seven Times

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. (Glossy News) — The rights for the 1954 movie Seven Brides for Seven Brothers , long ago lost, have fallen into Public Domain. As such, it can be remade or have its title used by anyone without having to pay any royalties to the original writer or production company. Seven different film producers are scrambling to see that their movie is the first to hit the big screen.

The original movie tells the story of the Pontipee brothers, who kidnap a group of girls to become their wives. As they live in backwoods Oregon in the 1850’s, and an avalanche traps them on their farm on the other side of a mountain range, the girls cannot be rescued and fall in love with their kidnappers before their fathers get to them. Read more “Seven Brides For Seven Brothers” to be Remade… Seven Times

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EHarmony Threatens Survival of Entire Human Race

The popular dating website has tens of millions of users around the globe and claims that the marriages it engenders last longer and are more contented than normal. It bases its matches between singles on compatibility traits. “This is the problem”, one genetics researcher, Dr. Tsung Foo of Apple Fertility Clinic, a new app for the iPhone, professes, “since compatibility is not a natural human species mating trait. That is not how sex works.” Read more EHarmony Threatens Survival of Entire Human Race

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Relationship Guru: Never Argue w/ Wife, Just Dicker a Bit

Sol Morgenstern has been a famous marriage counselor for almost 30 years. In that time he’s helped thousands of troubled couples get a real handle on their relationships no matter how troubled the situation or how stressful everyday life can be.

“I had a married couple in here recently that absolutely hated each other. I simply put them in a cage and wouldn’t let them out until they made peace with each other. It’s been about 3 weeks now and they’re getting pretty hungry, but I still have hopes!” Read more Relationship Guru: Never Argue w/ Wife, Just Dicker a Bit

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Millions of Americans Trapped Below Middle Class w/o Rescue Plan

Rescuers are busy on a plan to reach millions of Americans who have become trapped somewhere between middle class and lower class without much of a chance of survival. They claim a level of greed several hundred feet thick is separating the trapped Americans from reaching the upper crust.

While several escape plans have been formulated, none of them seem to be iron-clad winners and therefore, have not been put into action as yet. The committee put in charge of the rescue plan claims they are unable to put the effort and resources into such a large plan until after the mid-term elections have determined who the next group of rescuers will be. Read more Millions of Americans Trapped Below Middle Class w/o Rescue Plan

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