Archive | Human Interest

Cockfighting Bill Nears Passage

Cockfighting Bill Nears Passage

Posted by your South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez.

First we want to remind you. Glossy News told you President Obama would ease travel restrictions to Cuba so it can become a new Spring break destination for hordes of stupid rich college kids. We told you that before anybody else because we’re the serious journalists.

Now about this Cockfighting Bill. You have bad priorities. Families are sleeping in cars at Wal-Mart parking lots, and the Congress of the United States has nothing more to worry about than cockfighting? Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Professional Sport Career Allows Man to Enjoy Data Entry Hobby

Professional Sport Career Allows Man to Enjoy Data Entry Hobby

Local man, Clive McNeish, revealed today how fortunate he feels being paid a reasonable annual salary for just two hours work a week as a professional squash player. This leaves a full 38 hours a week free for McNeish to indulge himself in his unusual hobby of data entry at Drudge Corp. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Sports2 Comments

Barbie Enters Her 50s: Danger – Cougar Alert

Barbie Enters Her 50s: Danger – Cougar Alert

Barbie doll is now well into her 50’s. She sure doesn’t look it. She looks like she’s either discovered the Fountain of Youth or had her whole body Botoxed.

Of course it helps when you get all your plastic surgery the day you are made. It is also fortunate when all your exquisite feminine contours are molded into their enticing proportions. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Human Interest0 Comments

Art You Don’t Want Your Kids Doing For Show & Tell

Art You Don’t Want Your Kids Doing For Show & Tell

Being an ‘artiste’ is not an easy thing. At a book store I saw salmon print art that someone made by inking the side of a fish and pressing it to paper making a beautiful wall motive. I thought to myself “Hey, I can do something even better than that!”

Ever the intrepid doer I went out and got the necessary paper and utensils to set up shop myself. Of course, things always seem easier than they actually are. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Human Interest1 Comment

East Texas Town Succumbs to Old-Fashioned Steapl Chase

East Texas Town Succumbs to Old-Fashioned Steapl Chase

Raisin, TX-The East Texas town of Raisin has found itself in a predictable predicament culminating from the holier-than-thou atmosphere that often pervades small towns across the United States.

When you approach Raisin, a town of 2500 that sits in a dale along a two-lane highway, a gigantic weathered sign depicts an intimate close-up of a strikingly Aryan Jesus on what is arguably one of his worst days. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

GOP Blasts Don’t Ask/Tell Compromise as Sub-Fabulous

GOP Blasts Don’t Ask/Tell Compromise as Sub-Fabulous

On this snowy day in our nation’s Capitol, one can feel the power of hope overtaking all vestiges of cynicism. This lame duck Congress seems to this reporter’s eyes, to be driven by a spirit of bipartisanship seldom seen in American history.

Legislative roadblocks once considered intractable are now dropping faster than Miley Cyrus undergarments. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest1 Comment

Cooking with Barack: Lame Duck Stew

Cooking with Barack: Lame Duck Stew

Even though this is called duck stew, critics of the administration are quick to point out that there is no duck involved.

It is only served at this specific time of year in Washington DC. It is not to everyone’s personal taste.

Thought to have been devised by President Lincoln’s chef in the 1860s, the ingredients have changed with each administration, reflecting the times. Teddy Roosevelt personally shot his own ingredients. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Baby Boomer Planning Ap Pushes Retirement Age to 170

Baby Boomer Planning Ap Pushes Retirement Age to 170

A new computer application available to baby boomers, who are now reaching retirement age at the rate of 10,000 a day, allows optimistic boomers to plan for an affluent retirement at the ripe old age of 170.

The program allows the user to type in variables such as amount of current savings, expected expenses such as healthcare and amount of desired disposable income. After the user hits the “calculate” button, they can see what age they will have enough money to keep from starving to death in a rundown shack. Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Human Interest2 Comments

Lab Results Show Hot Dogs Contain Extra Lips, No A**holes

Lab Results Show Hot Dogs Contain Extra Lips, No A**holes

A team of research scientists from Kentucky State University have concluded a year-long study of the average American hot dog to determine once and for all if they are, in fact, made from lips and a**holes. The results indicate that hot dogs do indeed contain pig lips but the scientists could find no trace of a**holes.

KSU received a grant last year in the amount of $1.2 million dollars to conduct the study on standard hot dogs winning out over grant applications by Colorado State University for the study of mating habits of the Colorado River piranha, Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Human Interest0 Comments

Pot Tops Booze as Most Popular Adult X-mas Gift this Year

Pot Tops Booze as Most Popular Adult X-mas Gift this Year

Forget slippers and socks, power tools for the guys and tennis bracelets and earrings for the gals, this year for the first time, marijuana (pot) is the most sought after gift, both for giving and receiving.

While spirits and wine have always been at or near the top of the adult gift-giving list come Christmastime, never before has an illegal substance (or kinda-sorta legal substance now in some states depending on who you ask) made it to the top of the list. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Jailed Chinese Dissident on Nobel Prize: Thanx F-ing Loads

Jailed Chinese Dissident on Nobel Prize: Thanx F-ing Loads

The Western world was excited this week at news the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to imprisoned Chinese democracy advocate Xi Liang Jing.

Media watchers are in consensus on the surprising development. If not for the unfortunately timed announcement of Prince William’s engagement, Mr. Jing would’ve maybe made the evening news. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Into The Semi-Wild- An Alaskan Adventure

Into The Semi-Wild- An Alaskan Adventure

This is a record of a noble experiment conducted by me, rfreed. With this journal I will record my experiences of the next month over Christmas vacation during which time I will be alone in a cabin in the woods outside of Fairbanks, Alaska. In this period I will pursue the purifying of my mind and spirit as can only happen in true solitude and quiet. I hope in this time to break down the many walls between my soul and my true self and to attain lasting inner peace. I also want to forget about women, especially since they are the surest way to lose inner peace. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

First Seaman to Sail Up The Yin-Yang Gone Missing

First Seaman to Sail Up The Yin-Yang Gone Missing

Having heard about the mysterious and fabled Ying-Yang by scores of people who claimed to ‘have taken it up there,’ and wondering what going up it might actually mean for himself, sailor and adventurer, Frankie Johnson, advised his friends down at Finegan’s Bar that he had stocked up some provisions, bought 5 gallons of gas, a Chinese translation book, and would set sail on Sunday in order to be the first sailor to actually travel….Up the Ying-Yang. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, War Zone0 Comments

Victoria’s Secret Unveils Dubai-Chic Line, Not Literally

Victoria’s Secret Unveils Dubai-Chic Line, Not Literally

Victoria’s Secret has announced that it will be opening one of its first shops outside of North America—in Dubai of all places. While we can’t speak for the sanity of the folks who take care of expansion projects for the corporation, we have to wonder if possibly their bra straps were just a tad too tight when they chose this location to sell lingerie.

Authorities in Dubai will still arrest anyone indecently dressed, so women (and men) hoping to see the standard Victoria’s Secret offerings in the new shop will be quite disappointed. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, World News3 Comments

Thanksgiving Over; Needy Back in Storage

Thanksgiving Over; Needy Back in Storage

Preliminary reports say this year’s Project ISFC exceeded all expectations. Project I’m So Freaking Compassionate, begun several years ago in Southern California, has now expanded to most of the United States. This year, Thanksgiving meals were served cafeteria fashion to an estimated 340,000 people.

Delighted volunteers say it’s difficult to name just one highlight from 2010 activities, but the improved demeanor of the indigent was definitely a factor. “Yeah, they smell better now and they’re more grateful” said Tuscadegalooga, AL socialite Gladys Kravitz. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Human Interest0 Comments

Glossy News Guide: The Five People You Will Meet In Hell

Glossy News Guide: The Five People You Will Meet In Hell

DETROIT, Mich. (Glossy News) — Coming years after the much lauded success of his beloved novel, “The Five People You Meet In Heaven,” author Mitch Albom now returns to the best seller charts with “The Five People You Meet In Hell,” which he emphasizes is not a sequel.

In the first book, an amusement park maintenance man named Eddie dies unexpectedly while trying to save a young girl’s life at Ruby Pier. He unexpectedly finds that ‘life’ doesn’t end with his death. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Human Interest0 Comments

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