Archive | Human Interest

Don’t Blame the Rich, It’s a Generational Thing

Don’t Blame the Rich, It’s a Generational Thing

Just as the rich say that breaking the cycle of poverty is a never-ending battle because it is self-perpetuating, some are now using that same logic to try and explain the unmitigated greed that is threatening to tear apart entire states such as Wisconsin and Michigan.

The rich, or as they like to refer to themselves as “the haves” say they simply can’t help it. Continue Reading

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New Evidence Casts Doubt on ‘Official’ 9-11 Report

New Evidence Casts Doubt on ‘Official’ 9-11 Report

In short, digital enhancement of what was once thought to be video of an innocent family outing on a fateful day in American history now suggests the truth of 9-11 has long been packaged in a tissue of lies.

At this writing, no major news outlets have seen the video. Word of it first leaked out last week via internet postings by a shadowy group calling itself ‘The Guardians.’ Continue Reading

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Losers Claim Win-Win Just a Ploy

Losers Claim Win-Win Just a Ploy

Losers around the world are waking up today to the sad realization that regardless of what they’ve been told in school and the workplace, the win-win scenario just doesn’t exist. “It’s a ploy,” said Winton Gardensalad from Montauk, NY. “I played along for most of my life and look where it’s gotten me,” he said from the sad little 8 x 10 room he calls home at the Happy-go-Lucky Retirement Center. Continue Reading

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Student Exposes WW2 Vet as Faker

Student Exposes WW2 Vet as Faker

What began as a school project has brought scandal to a formerly beloved citizen of this quiet Ohio town. Mayfield High School students in Ms. Lander’s AP History class were assigned to interview local war veterans. Young Hillary Pierce chose nursing home resident Al Gunderson.

The pretty brunette was unaware she’d soon be asked to choose between journalistic integrity and participation in a cover-up of massive proportions. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest16 Comments

Aspen: Where Cops are Men Except When Driving Their Hippie Cruisers

Aspen: Where Cops are Men Except When Driving Their Hippie Cruisers

The Aspen, Colorado Police have it tough. Not that they have to deal with vicious inner city gangs, murderous Juarez drug cartels or mass Benghazi type protests.

No.

They have to deal with driving silver police cars with aspen leafs painted on the sides. With a large, yellow canary sticker on the back. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Society0 Comments

Cockfighting Bill Nears Passage

Cockfighting Bill Nears Passage

Posted by your South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez.

First we want to remind you. Glossy News told you President Obama would ease travel restrictions to Cuba so it can become a new Spring break destination for hordes of stupid rich college kids. We told you that before anybody else because we’re the serious journalists.

Now about this Cockfighting Bill. You have bad priorities. Families are sleeping in cars at Wal-Mart parking lots, and the Congress of the United States has nothing more to worry about than cockfighting? Continue Reading

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Professional Sport Career Allows Man to Enjoy Data Entry Hobby

Professional Sport Career Allows Man to Enjoy Data Entry Hobby

Local man, Clive McNeish, revealed today how fortunate he feels being paid a reasonable annual salary for just two hours work a week as a professional squash player. This leaves a full 38 hours a week free for McNeish to indulge himself in his unusual hobby of data entry at Drudge Corp. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Sports2 Comments

Barbie Enters Her 50′s: DANGER- COUGAR ALERT!!

Barbie Enters Her 50′s: DANGER- COUGAR ALERT!!

Barbie doll is now well into her 50’s. She sure doesn’t look it. She looks like she’s either discovered the Fountain of Youth or had her whole body Botoxed.

Of course it helps when you get all your plastic surgery the day you are made. It is also fortunate when all your exquisite feminine contours are molded into their enticing proportions. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Human Interest0 Comments

Art You Don’t Want Your Kids Doing For Show & Tell

Art You Don’t Want Your Kids Doing For Show & Tell

Being an ‘artiste’ is not an easy thing. At a book store I saw salmon print art that someone made by inking the side of a fish and pressing it to paper making a beautiful wall motive. I thought to myself “Hey, I can do something even better than that!”

Ever the intrepid doer I went out and got the necessary paper and utensils to set up shop myself. Of course, things always seem easier than they actually are. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Human Interest1 Comment

East Texas Town Succumbs to Old-Fashioned Steapl Chase

East Texas Town Succumbs to Old-Fashioned Steapl Chase

Raisin, TX-The East Texas town of Raisin has found itself in a predictable predicament culminating from the holier-than-thou atmosphere that often pervades small towns across the United States.

When you approach Raisin, a town of 2500 that sits in a dale along a two-lane highway, a gigantic weathered sign depicts an intimate close-up of a strikingly Aryan Jesus on what is arguably one of his worst days. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

GOP Blasts Don’t Ask/Tell Compromise as Sub-Fabulous

GOP Blasts Don’t Ask/Tell Compromise as Sub-Fabulous

On this snowy day in our nation’s Capitol, one can feel the power of hope overtaking all vestiges of cynicism. This lame duck Congress seems to this reporter’s eyes, to be driven by a spirit of bipartisanship seldom seen in American history.

Legislative roadblocks once considered intractable are now dropping faster than Miley Cyrus undergarments. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest1 Comment

Cooking with Barack: Lame Duck Stew

Cooking with Barack: Lame Duck Stew

Even though this is called duck stew, critics of the administration are quick to point out that there is no duck involved.

It is only served at this specific time of year in Washington DC. It is not to everyone’s personal taste.

Thought to have been devised by President Lincoln’s chef in the 1860s, the ingredients have changed with each administration, reflecting the times. Teddy Roosevelt personally shot his own ingredients. Continue Reading

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Baby Boomer Planning Ap Pushes Retirement Age to 170

Baby Boomer Planning Ap Pushes Retirement Age to 170

A new computer application available to baby boomers, who are now reaching retirement age at the rate of 10,000 a day, allows optimistic boomers to plan for an affluent retirement at the ripe old age of 170.

The program allows the user to type in variables such as amount of current savings, expected expenses such as healthcare and amount of desired disposable income. After the user hits the “calculate” button, they can see what age they will have enough money to keep from starving to death in a rundown shack. Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Human Interest2 Comments

Lab Results Show Hot Dogs Contain Extra Lips, No A**holes

Lab Results Show Hot Dogs Contain Extra Lips, No A**holes

A team of research scientists from Kentucky State University have concluded a year-long study of the average American hot dog to determine once and for all if they are, in fact, made from lips and a**holes. The results indicate that hot dogs do indeed contain pig lips but the scientists could find no trace of a**holes.

KSU received a grant last year in the amount of $1.2 million dollars to conduct the study on standard hot dogs winning out over grant applications by Colorado State University for the study of mating habits of the Colorado River piranha, Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Human Interest0 Comments

Pot Tops Booze as Most Popular Adult X-mas Gift this Year

Pot Tops Booze as Most Popular Adult X-mas Gift this Year

Forget slippers and socks, power tools for the guys and tennis bracelets and earrings for the gals, this year for the first time, marijuana (pot) is the most sought after gift, both for giving and receiving.

While spirits and wine have always been at or near the top of the adult gift-giving list come Christmastime, never before has an illegal substance (or kinda-sorta legal substance now in some states depending on who you ask) made it to the top of the list. Continue Reading

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Jailed Chinese Dissident on Nobel Prize: Thanx F-ing LOADS!

Jailed Chinese Dissident on Nobel Prize: Thanx F-ing LOADS!

The Western world was excited this week at news the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to imprisoned Chinese democracy advocate Xi Liang Jing.

Media watchers are in consensus on the surprising development. If not for the unfortunately timed announcement of Prince William’s engagement, Mr. Jing would’ve maybe made the evening news. Continue Reading

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