Archive | Human Interest

Baby Boomer Planning Ap Pushes Retirement Age to 170

Baby Boomer Planning Ap Pushes Retirement Age to 170

A new computer application available to baby boomers, who are now reaching retirement age at the rate of 10,000 a day, allows optimistic boomers to plan for an affluent retirement at the ripe old age of 170.

The program allows the user to type in variables such as amount of current savings, expected expenses such as healthcare and amount of desired disposable income. After the user hits the “calculate” button, they can see what age they will have enough money to keep from starving to death in a rundown shack. Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Human Interest2 Comments

Lab Results Show Hot Dogs Contain Extra Lips, No A**holes

Lab Results Show Hot Dogs Contain Extra Lips, No A**holes

A team of research scientists from Kentucky State University have concluded a year-long study of the average American hot dog to determine once and for all if they are, in fact, made from lips and a**holes. The results indicate that hot dogs do indeed contain pig lips but the scientists could find no trace of a**holes.

KSU received a grant last year in the amount of $1.2 million dollars to conduct the study on standard hot dogs winning out over grant applications by Colorado State University for the study of mating habits of the Colorado River piranha, Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Human Interest0 Comments

Pot Tops Booze as Most Popular Adult X-mas Gift this Year

Pot Tops Booze as Most Popular Adult X-mas Gift this Year

Forget slippers and socks, power tools for the guys and tennis bracelets and earrings for the gals, this year for the first time, marijuana (pot) is the most sought after gift, both for giving and receiving.

While spirits and wine have always been at or near the top of the adult gift-giving list come Christmastime, never before has an illegal substance (or kinda-sorta legal substance now in some states depending on who you ask) made it to the top of the list. Continue Reading

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Jailed Chinese Dissident on Nobel Prize: Thanx F-ing Loads

Jailed Chinese Dissident on Nobel Prize: Thanx F-ing Loads

The Western world was excited this week at news the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to imprisoned Chinese democracy advocate Xi Liang Jing.

Media watchers are in consensus on the surprising development. If not for the unfortunately timed announcement of Prince William’s engagement, Mr. Jing would’ve maybe made the evening news. Continue Reading

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Into The Semi-Wild- An Alaskan Adventure

Into The Semi-Wild- An Alaskan Adventure

This is a record of a noble experiment conducted by me, rfreed. With this journal I will record my experiences of the next month over Christmas vacation during which time I will be alone in a cabin in the woods outside of Fairbanks, Alaska. In this period I will pursue the purifying of my mind and spirit as can only happen in true solitude and quiet. I hope in this time to break down the many walls between my soul and my true self and to attain lasting inner peace. I also want to forget about women, especially since they are the surest way to lose inner peace. Continue Reading

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First Seaman to Sail Up The Yin-Yang Gone Missing

First Seaman to Sail Up The Yin-Yang Gone Missing

Having heard about the mysterious and fabled Ying-Yang by scores of people who claimed to ‘have taken it up there,’ and wondering what going up it might actually mean for himself, sailor and adventurer, Frankie Johnson, advised his friends down at Finegan’s Bar that he had stocked up some provisions, bought 5 gallons of gas, a Chinese translation book, and would set sail on Sunday in order to be the first sailor to actually travel….Up the Ying-Yang. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, War Zone0 Comments

Victoria’s Secret Unveils Dubai-Chic Line, Not Literally

Victoria’s Secret Unveils Dubai-Chic Line, Not Literally

Victoria’s Secret has announced that it will be opening one of its first shops outside of North America—in Dubai of all places. While we can’t speak for the sanity of the folks who take care of expansion projects for the corporation, we have to wonder if possibly their bra straps were just a tad too tight when they chose this location to sell lingerie.

Authorities in Dubai will still arrest anyone indecently dressed, so women (and men) hoping to see the standard Victoria’s Secret offerings in the new shop will be quite disappointed. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, World News3 Comments

Thanksgiving Over; Needy Back in Storage

Thanksgiving Over; Needy Back in Storage

Preliminary reports say this year’s Project ISFC exceeded all expectations. Project I’m So Freaking Compassionate, begun several years ago in Southern California, has now expanded to most of the United States. This year, Thanksgiving meals were served cafeteria fashion to an estimated 340,000 people.

Delighted volunteers say it’s difficult to name just one highlight from 2010 activities, but the improved demeanor of the indigent was definitely a factor. “Yeah, they smell better now and they’re more grateful” said Tuscadegalooga, AL socialite Gladys Kravitz. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Human Interest0 Comments

Glossy News Guide: The Five People You Will Meet In Hell

Glossy News Guide: The Five People You Will Meet In Hell

DETROIT, Mich. (Glossy News) — Coming years after the much lauded success of his beloved novel, “The Five People You Meet In Heaven,” author Mitch Albom now returns to the best seller charts with “The Five People You Meet In Hell,” which he emphasizes is not a sequel.

In the first book, an amusement park maintenance man named Eddie dies unexpectedly while trying to save a young girl’s life at Ruby Pier. He unexpectedly finds that ‘life’ doesn’t end with his death. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Human Interest0 Comments

Buying Grandkid Toys on Credit Burying Seniors in Debt

Buying Grandkid Toys on Credit Burying Seniors in Debt

More and more seniors are seeing their overall debt to income ratio increase due to the overwhelming urge to buy toys for their grand kids on credit to keep them in their good graces.

According to a study, a large majority of seniors 60 and over lost a good portion of their retirement savings during the last financial institution crisis. In addition, many are making large payments on homes that are worth less than the mortgage balance due to the housing crisis. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest4 Comments

Boy 16, Builds Life-Size Anatomically Correct Girl From Legos

Boy 16, Builds Life-Size Anatomically Correct Girl From Legos

Seattle, Ore. (Glossy News) – Mavis Gillard almost fainted when she opened her son’s bedroom door and caught David Jr. with what appeared to be a naked girl in bed.

A first she wanted to scream bloody murder, but on taking a closer look she knew something was more than a little odd. The Blond-haired vixen was made entirely of Lego blocks. The form was shockingly accurate in almost every detail, even down to the blue eyes and perfectly square 36dd breasts, typical for women with plastic augmentation. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Kidz Zone1 Comment

Brutal Shopping Conditions Force Renaming to Black & Blue Friday

Brutal Shopping Conditions Force Renaming to Black & Blue Friday

Traditionally, the Friday after Thanksgiving in America has always been known as Black Friday. This is a day when stores open their doors in the wee hours of the morning and offer the deepest discounts on popular items to give shoppers a break in price before hiking them back up to unattainable heights.

It is a day when shoppers will fight each other to the death over the last iPad or flat screen television offered for sale. It is for this reason, that Black Friday has now earned the nickname “Black and Blue Friday.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest3 Comments

Thanksgiving Wiped Out By Halloween & X-Mas Cartels

Thanksgiving Wiped Out By Halloween & X-Mas Cartels

The time honored and highly respected holiday of Thanksgiving was wiped out by the rival gang cartels of Halloween and Christmas this year. For many years the Halloween gang, characterized by bizarre, scary costumes, and the Christmas gang, recognizable by their holly- colored getups and red Santa hats, have been cutting into Thanksgiving’s turf. Continue Reading

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Lady Gaga’s Urinal Collection Raising Eyebrows

Lady Gaga’s Urinal Collection Raising Eyebrows

NEW YORK, NY – There are collectors and then there are collectors — those who transcend the bounds of baubles and nostalgia to dabble in the truly unusual. Some people are content to save stamps or coins. Others express their happiness with vintage record albums or memorabilia. But in the homes of fringe collectors, all of these objects are replaced by rarities such as shrunken heads, embalmed limbs of circus freaks, found art, and toilets. Among these collectors of the unusual, New York based rocker Lady Gaga stands out.

Upon entering her fashionable mid-town New York flat, one is struck with the decorating skills that make the home’s entrance comfortable and engaging — that is until one gains the living room, where along all three walls stand 22 fully working urinals, illuminated by hidden lights. Most are strikingly well preserved. Others evoke cringes to rival those seen in the public WCs at the Port Authority. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Music0 Comments

TSA Screener Detects Testicular Cancer in Traveler, Saves Life.

TSA Screener Detects Testicular Cancer in Traveler, Saves Life.

SAN NARCISO, Calif. — Ceremonies will be held today in honor of William Fallopian, a local San Narciso boy turned hero. Fallopian, son of Mike Fallopian, a well known Yoyodyne executive and chairman of the Peter Pinguid Society, works for the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) at Los Angeles International Airport. Fallopian garnered national attention last week when, during a routine full body screening, he detected testicular cancer in a traveler waiting for clearance at the security checkpoint. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics1 Comment

Black Friday Specials Rumored to Include Food for the Poor

Black Friday Specials Rumored to Include Food for the Poor

Women, Infants and Children (WIC) take heart. This year, Black Friday specials offered by stores such as Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Target, Sam’s Club and others aren’t all about the X-Box. They are all about survival. Instead of offering Wii’s for less than $100 and gaming equipment for a third of its original cost, these stores are offering milk at half price, cheese below the manufacturer’s cost, and cereal for next to nothing. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

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