Category: Human Interest
Ruse of Young Border Crossers Successful for Drug Cartels
Suspicions have arisen lately that the recent spate of Latin children coming across the southern U.S. border were no spontaneous occurrence. Darker implications have revealed themselves. “The operation was a total success!” states Juan Cokefetcher, middle manager for the Headchoppers…
Pittsburgh: 3 So. Oakland Buildings Improved In Atwood Street Fire
PITTSBURGH — The Pittsburgh Fire Department was called late last night to a three-alarm blaze on Atwood Street that, according to onlookers, “greatly improved at least three of the buildings.” While the South Oakland inferno itself enveloped a swath containing…
Service Group Logs More Photos than Hours Worked
TUSCALOOSA,AL- This summer, 9 University of Alabama students traveled to New York City for a one week trip focused on community service. During their week, each student logged 25 hours of service and the group collectively returned with 1,257 photos…
Gingrich Pleads for More Pragmatism, Less Dogmatism on Stalin/Gulags Issue
Newt Gingrich, the GOP Ideas Man™ is dissatisfied with polarised views on Stalin’s allegedly atrocious human rights abuses, and he fears that a failure to compromise is holding back progress for the USA. And actually, he’s taken care (once more)…
Coloradoans Now Even Bigger A**holes Since Start Of Legalized Pot
The wonder mellower-outer cannabis, always said to have a positive, tranquilizing affect on its users, has unfortunately not had such an effect on the normally ego-centered Coloradoans who recently legalized use of it. “Criminy,” said Jim Bames, over the road…
Cat Owners Have Hissy Fit Over New Ice Bucket Challenge
A new twist on the popular Facebook Ice Bucket Challenge, which raises money for Lou Gehrig’s Disease, has animal rights activists up in arms, legs and paws alike. The trend, which started amongst celebrities and athletes and spread to Facebook,…
Man Ordering Drink With Meal Undoubtedly Reincarnation Of Gluttonous Roman Emperor
BETHESDA, MD—In an obscene display of wanton excess, local restaurant patron Don Mayhew stunned onlookers as he openly indulged himself in the extravagance of a soft drink along with his meal, disdainfully eschewing the common man’s glass of ice water….
The Price That Makes A Joke Of All Life
Just how much is to be expected out of a human in this so-called great United States of America of ours? My mother worked hard all her life, either raising four children in a rat-assed Midwest dying industrial town or…
This Old Man Arrested On Ten Counts of Child Molestation
72 year old Gunther Schnell was arrested this afternoon for 10 counts of child sexual molestation after it was revealed he was performing “knick knack” on various parts of children’s bodies. “Currently we have ten victims”, said arresting officer John…
Miracle Whip Forsakes Forlorn Food Gobbler
Kraft, purveyor of many fine foods and some others a bit on the course side. To me, they’re the makers of Miracle Whip, and the miracles were nothing short of canonization-worthy. Yes, I’m talking about the now-discontinued dipping and sammy…