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Secret Murdoch Tapes Threaten to Expose Palin and Beck as Puppets

Secret Murdoch Tapes Threaten to Expose Palin and Beck as Puppets

At Sea, South Pacific (GlossyNews) — Rumors are swirling in back alleys and executive washrooms about the handful of tapes that, if made public, could blow the lid off Rupert Murdoch’s hold on American politics, bringing Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, and others down with him in the fallout. Continue Reading

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Glenn Beck Found Naked, Confused Wandering Along Highway

Glenn Beck Found Naked, Confused Wandering Along Highway

New Canaan, Connecticut – Fox Television and radio personality, Glenn Beck was found wandering along Merritt Parkway close to his home in New Canaan, Connecticut early Thursday morning around 2 a.m. He was naked and confused and muttering “don’t freakin’ tread on me, don’t freakin’ tread on Glenn Beck, for I am your Savior,” and was taken to the nearest hospital for observation. He was openly weeping. Continue Reading

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‘Survivor’ Producer’s Wife Voted Off Planet

‘Survivor’ Producer’s Wife Voted Off Planet

MEXICO CITY, Mexico (GlossyNews) — Emmy nominated reality television producer Bruce Beresford-Redman has been detained as a suspect in the killing of Monica Beresford-Redman, his wife. According to officials in Cancun, the body of Monica Beresford-Redman was found in a sewer at the Moon Palace resort where the family was on vacation.

Beresford-Redman was nominated for three Emmys for his work on “Survivor,” in which groups of strangers are sent to exotic wilderness locales around the world to compete for prizes. His other production credits include “Pimp My Ride” and “Crash Course.” Continue Reading

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Tough Love Forces Florida Man Back to Crime (on TV)

Tough Love Forces Florida Man Back to Crime (on TV)

State Road 19, Near Tavares, Fla (GlossyNews) — Local man, Hank Fuller, arrived home last Wednesday and noticed something amiss. As he entered the house he could see his friends, family and at least one priest sitting in every available chair but one placed prominently in the middle of the floor.

“Don’t be alarmed, these are people who care about you and want to help you, now have a seat,“ said mediator and therapist, Dr. Lorena Schlutz. “We are here to help you get over your aversion to the variety of crime dramas on TV that are a main source of entertainment for everyone in America. Continue Reading

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CBS to Air New “Sonny” and Cher Show

CBS to Air New “Sonny” and Cher Show

Carmel, CA (GlossyNews) — In a blast from the past, CBS is planning a new version of the Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour starring recently masculated Chaz Bono as “Sonny.”

David Cassidy, who will also co-star on the show, says CBS was lucky to find a cadre of writers from the original series who are busy resurrecting what they hope will be a repeat of the original show’s success. “Yes, we are lucky and excited to be included in the CBS fall line-up. If you close your eyes it’s like you were whisked back in time when you hear it. It’s like coming home again.” Said Cassidy. Continue Reading

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Fox Un-cancels “24” Amid Rumors of Threats from Sutherland

Fox Un-cancels “24” Amid Rumors of Threats from Sutherland

An Undisclosed Island in the Pacific Ocean (GlossyNews) — Only days after canceling the television series 24, Fox announced today that it had reversed it’s decision and decided to pick the show up for a ninth and final season. The announcement came just as tabloid websites were reporting that Kiefer Sutherland, star of the popular action thriller, had begun intimidating and threatening executives at Fox over the shows early demise.

The execs say there is “absolutely no truth” to the rumors and that the renewal was just a change of heart Continue Reading

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Glenn Beck to Develop Children’s Show on Fox

Glenn Beck to Develop Children’s Show on Fox

NEW YORK, NY (GlossyNews) — In an effort to reel in kiddies as early as they are able to watch television, the Fox Channel has begun the process of developing a Saturday morning kids’ show featuring Glenn Beck, invoking a stylistic reincarnation of Dick Dastardly, complete with pencil-thin handlebar mustache. While not yet written in stone, producers have tentatively named the show “The Tommy Truth-tacular Hour.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Kidz Zone, Television4 Comments

Michael Jackson’s Remains to Appear on “Dancing with the Stars”

Michael Jackson’s Remains to Appear on “Dancing with the Stars”

HOLLYWOOD, CA (GlossyNews) — During a midday press conference, ABC announced a late addition to this season’s “Dancing with the Stars” celebrity lineup.

“It’s a fine day for American Broadcasting,” Media Director Phil Lehman announced. “I’m pleased to tell you that The King of Pop will grace our ballroom floor this season!” Continue Reading

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Glenn Beck Credits Himself for Predicting Recent Wave of Violence

Glenn Beck Credits Himself for Predicting Recent Wave of Violence

Pahrump, NV In one of his many “I told you so” moments, Glenn Beck has commented that he is the first one to tell his viewers that violence against the US government by fed up citizens was going to start to happen.

Boasting a 100% accuracy rate, Beck claimed that he is a hundred times better at predicting things than any psychic. “For years, I’ve been telling my viewers how fed up they are and how screwed they should feel, and now, after this past election, how I thought things were going to get ugly. Continue Reading

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Bill O’Reilly Welcomes Conan O’Brien To FOX

Bill O’Reilly Welcomes Conan O’Brien To FOX

LOS ANGELES, CA (GlossyNews) — Bill O’Reilly, whom Jon Stewart recently praised as FOX network’s “voice of reason,” welcomed former NBC talk show host Conan O’Brien to FOX last night. In a pre-recorded segment that aired during The O’Reilly Factor, the show’s namesake reminded his audience that O’Brien once worked for FOX as a writer for The Simpsons, before “that unfortunate marijuana business.” Continue Reading

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Reality TV Threatens Realness Of Real Reality

Reality TV Threatens Realness Of Real Reality

Reality shows have created an artificial reality that threatens to overtake real reality. Television execs have created a monster and loosed it upon the public.

Reality shows plunge real people into an artificial situation, much like a cook shocks vegetables. Most people who have an audience staring at them will use their “game faces” and try to project an image that puts them in the best light. Continue Reading

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Undercover Boss a Perfectly Fine Show, But it Could Be Great

Undercover Boss a Perfectly Fine Show, But it Could Be Great

This season CBS premiered their newest real-life reality show (as opposed to a scripted, obviously fake one,) and it’s so far shaped up to be pretty darn good. It’s called Undercover Boss and it purports to show the experience of CEO’s that go into their own organizations as entry-level workers. It’s a pretty darn good show, but it’s so close to being great it’s almost painful. Continue Reading

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Heather Mills Disqualified and Booted Off “Dancing on Ice”

Heather Mills Disqualified and Booted Off “Dancing on Ice”

LONDON, U.K. — Heather Mills, former wife of Paul McCartney, has struggled over the past few years to change her public image from that of an attention hungry, gold-digging opportunist to an inspirational role model for disadvantaged women worldwide. Mills lost part of her left leg after being hit by a motorcycle in 1993 and has used prosthetics ever since. She and McCartney separated in 2006, divorcing two years later after a high-profile court case in which Mills was awarded an estimated sum of £24.3 million. Continue Reading

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Bob Crane’s Murder Now Ruled Difficult and Lengthy Suicide

Bob Crane’s Murder Now Ruled Difficult and Lengthy Suicide

Bob Crane was an American disc jockey and actor, best known for his performance as Colonel Robert E. Hogan in the television sitcom Hogan’s Heroes, which ran from 1965 to 1971. Crane appeared in a number of other career-crushing shows, including Police Woman, Quincy M.D., The Love Boat, and NBC’s short-lived The Bob Crane Show, which the network canceled after only three months. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television8 Comments

OpenCarry Movement Gets Makeover on Project Runway

OpenCarry Movement Gets Makeover on Project Runway

Taking their cue from the recent headlines that a group of gun rights activists calling itself the “OpenCarry Movement” are flexing their God-given Constitutional right to enter public places with their firearms proudly displayed, the producers of the reality series, Project Runway, thought it would be fun to take ten members, male and female, and give them a new look that will allow them to coordinate their semi-automatic pistols and other firearms with the latest fashions of the season. Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Television3 Comments

Fox Employee Threatens Suit over Roger Ailes’ Excessive Flatulence

Fox Employee Threatens Suit over Roger Ailes’ Excessive Flatulence

A former Fox News employee is threatening to file a lawsuit in New York District Court against News Corp, the parent company of Fox News Channel, and Fox News President, Roger Ailes, claiming that she was wrongfully terminated when she told the HR manager that she could no longer work closely with Mr. Ailes due to his “inability to control his intestinal disruptions regularly throughout the day.” In other words, his farts stank to high heavens. Additional claims of unsafe working conditions and exposure to an environmental hazard in the workplace are also being leveled against the company. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Television1 Comment

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