NOTE: Dave is so greedy, he has insisted on appearing today, despite the fact that he was due tomorrow. But yes: you can expect to see another Klubber Bonez song tomorrow, as announced earlier today. Tomorrow’s song will also feature David Cameron…
Yo I’m Dave, got a Cam, and I like voting that way,
Down from me crib in The Commons,
Lil bit o’ wur, bit o’ way,
I’m like the common pleb’s friend, endless key chain like a bell-end
I’ve as many flashy chains as 2 Chainz or possibly more,
So throw me some love as I tax up your front door
Me too poor to own a racing car, but enough dollar to be air guitar
I say bigger than Blair, more musical than Castro
Don’t tell me I’m worse cos I cram dollar at my Bistro
Got a baseball cap on my front bench, it’s bigger than the Hague
Proles lovin’ my ballgag chains, cos I’m long-hairdier than Jimmy Page
The white aristocrats love me cos I’m whiter than them
I’m your Gorgeous Dear Leader, I’m Britain’s PM
Don’t tell me this is sh** is appropriation,
I’m the leader of your glorious nation
I ain’t into positive stereotyping
Cos untouchable politicos like me ain’t into rhyming
What rhymes with white? Dave Cam your PM ain’t sh**e
My mate got a garage full of Iraqi bodies and a sack full of dollars
Don’t tell me I can’t imitate,
‘Cos I give my cronies a well bangin’ rate
You might say this is fake and I’m disrespecting minorities
But I’m the Prime Minister of My England, I’m like a One-Pr***-Majority
One over zero, just do the math darling,
I’m bigger than Elvis, and even bigger than little Elvis
Don’t make me sad, cos I’m everyone’s dad,
But not in a sleazy way, more in a local produce cheesy way
I’m into market protectionism, just ‘cos I can’t stand perfectionism
All these gutter plebs are practically libertarian
But I’m pretty flexible, almost Unitarian
One Glorious Cameron will guide you to the driest of pastures
Now shut it you plebs or I’ll take care of your fathers
There’s no gutter scum can compete with a world leader like me
So throw in your lot with me, I’m slick like PVC
There’s no one compares to Our Dave with his Cam
So don’t vote for other parties, leaving our, sorry MY Britain in a jam
There’s no one so charming as Dave of your Tories
Now shut up and vote for me, I’m brighter than Borealis Aurore
The pleb scum who hate me they don’t know s*** about me
Now bahgger off to that plebiscite and blahddy elect me
I’m Dave, I’m your friend, your immaculate buddy
Now give me your vote or I’ll make your handsome headie-poos bloody.
Your Dave is the best, he’s the greatest of leaders
So don’t you chop down this Global-Anglo-Village cedar.
Dave loves you better, so forget all the rest
So give us your sterlings, another war for one’s chest.
***
Originally published on The Spoof.
This will maybe be a songbook one day! In the meantime, check out Wallace Runnymede’s books; including ‘The Great Flâneur Narrative,’ where Klubber practically steals the show!
Image attribution:
By Davidcameron.jpg: User:Land of Hope and Gloryderivative work: IgnisFatuus (Davidcameron.jpg) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
