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Folk Singer Succumbs to Irrelevance

Folk Singer Succumbs to Irrelevance

Song stylist and political activist Adam Cohen has died, sources close to the family told Glossy News today. Cohen passed peacefully at his Greenwich Village apartment, after a long battle with colorectal cancer and raging irrelevance.

Cohen is best known for his seminal work with Adam, Eve & Cain. As member of that groundbreaking trio, Adam penned such unforgettable classics as “Leaving on a big Boat” but is better known for passionate anti-war and Civil Rights anthems. Continue Reading

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God and Devil Near Reconciliation; Supergroup to Re-form

God and Devil Near Reconciliation; Supergroup to Re-form

Reports indicate Lucifer and the Almighty One may be close to a rapprochement that could bring Satan back to Heaven in a yet undisclosed role. St. Mark, spokesman for the Heavenly press office, continues to state that Lucifer left of his own accord and insists that there are no official plans to add anyone to the Heavenly trio.

However, in the last few months there have been rumors of discussions between the two sides. Insiders reached via email and ouija board have indicated that thumbs are prickling and an official announcement may be coming. Continue Reading

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Rap Bludgeoned by Ninja

Rap Bludgeoned by Ninja

CAPE TOWN, South Africa (GlossyNews) — Having been an astronaut, toymaker, and motivational speaker, Ninja boasts an unusually long resume for a white man. He was making his rounds through the slums of Cape Town, South Africa, where he worked for the liquor company Jagermeister by distributing its contaminated byproducts to disadvantaged minorities in an effort to cut down on waste management costs, when a chance encounter inspired him to start the rave-rap trio Die Antwoord.

“I saw this Coloured street performer,” he said during our interview last week in the trophy room of his country estate, a relic of his British colonialist ancestors’ diamond mining slave empire, Continue Reading

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Bono Undergoes Emergency Back Surgery for ‘Atlas Syndrome’

Bono Undergoes Emergency Back Surgery for ‘Atlas Syndrome’

MUNICH, Germany (GlossyNews) — U2 front man Bono underwent emergency back surgery on May 21, 2010, while preparing for the American leg of the band’s “360 Degree” international tour. U2, having sold an estimated 150 million records, is arguably the world’s most successful band. Any significant disruption to the concert series would deal a heavy blow to both fans and Live Nation, the promotions company responsible for handling U2’s merchandising, touring and branding rights. Continue Reading

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Walmart Pulls “Rock Band – Def Leppard Edition” Over Missing Drum Stick

Walmart Pulls “Rock Band – Def Leppard Edition” Over Missing Drum Stick

TEXARKANA, TX (GlossyNews) — Thousands of angry fans flooded the phone lines and email servers of MTV/Electronic Arts and its retailers with complaints over today’s release of the eagerly anticipated “Rock Band – Def Leppard Edition” game. The issue stems from a perceived design flaw in the drum kit. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Music7 Comments

Man Ejected from Christian Rock Concert for Gesturing “Devil Horns”

Man Ejected from Christian Rock Concert for Gesturing “Devil Horns”

OSHKOSH, WI (GlossyNews) — A local 18-year-old, Mark Edwards, was ejected from the Life Fest Christian Rock Festival this past weekend for displaying a rude gesture during one of the band’s performances.

“I was watching Crossroads, and man, they we’re tearing it up!” Edwards told the press. “I was so into it, and before I knew it, I made the devil horns sign with my hand.” Continue Reading

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Elton John Calls Jesus Gay, Muslims Enraged

Elton John Calls Jesus Gay, Muslims Enraged

LONDON, U.K. (GlossyNews) — Elton John, no stranger to controversy, made news again this week when he called Jesus of Nazareth gay in an interview with Parade Magazine.

The statement angered many practicing Christians around the world. Catholic League President Bill Donohue said John’s claim implies that “the Messiah was a person who preached water and drank wine.” But Donohue also commented that it would be pointless to ask for an apology. Continue Reading

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The Smiths Reunite After 23 Years for New Album

The Smiths Reunite After 23 Years for New Album

LONDON, UK (GlossyNews) — Alternative music pioneers Morrissey and Johnny Marr, co-founders of The Smiths, have announced the long-awaited reunion of the band.

The Smiths were an English rock group formed in Manchester in 1982, driven by the songwriting partnership of Steven Morrissey (vocals) and Johnny Marr (guitar). Continue Reading

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Blues Legend “Deaf Willie” Johnson Dies

Blues Legend “Deaf Willie” Johnson Dies

HAZLEHURST, MS (GlossyNews) — Sources close to GlossyNews confirm that today one of the most influential voices in Delta Blues has gone to heaven. Or so we hope.

The oldest child of sharecroppers Sam and Thelma Johnson, “Deaf Willie” never let his disability hold him back. According to his sister, Sandra Johnson-Morgenstern, a vice president who oversees new acquisition leverage at Goldman Sachs, Willie enjoyed all forms of music from an early age, even though he couldn’t hear any of it. Continue Reading

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Alan Jackson’s Problem w/ World Geography Spurs Reform in Georgia Schools

Alan Jackson’s Problem w/ World Geography Spurs Reform in Georgia Schools

NEWNAN, GA — In a report issued by the Institute of Southern Studies, teachers in the South have become the largest casualties of the recession. According to researchers, the study “finds that many schools, especially in the South, are slashing school budgets – and teacher positions – in the wake of the recession.” The three states expected to make the deepest cuts in education are Georgia, Florida and North Carolina. Even more troubling for Georgia is that the state received a “C” on a national report card grading the effectiveness of its charter schools. This news was released December 7, 2009. It marks the second consecutive year that Georgia has received this grade. Continue Reading

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Lil Wayne’s Got Court – Saved by Blingy Chompers

Lil Wayne’s Got Court – Saved by Blingy Chompers

NEW YORK, NY – American rapper Lil Wayne was saved from prison by the teeth figuratively and literally. Born Dwayne Michael Carter, Jr., the spoken word artiste, spoke to the media about the dramatic turn of events.

“Jus’ a couple days ago, I was cussin’ at this mothafuckin’ naggin’ pain. Where’s my fuckin’ .44, heheh, damn!!” he said. Continue Reading

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Katy Perry Admits “I Kissed a Girl” About Fiance Russell Brand

Katy Perry Admits “I Kissed a Girl” About Fiance Russell Brand

LOS ANGELES, California — Singer Katy Perry and British comedian Russell Brand have been on the fast track to marriage since last fall, according to reports. On December 31, their engagement became official.

Because neither Perry nor Brand has unique appeal or what might be considered passable talent, they both rely on shock tactics, unconventional demeanor and public antics to maintain their celebrity status. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Music0 Comments

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