Archive | Celebrity Gossip

Satirist Struggles to Find New Olsen Twins Story

Satirist Struggles to Find New Olsen Twins Story

Springfield— Brian K. White, noted contemporary humorist and satirist has been struggling for weeks to find a new angle from which to mock Mary Kate and/or Ashley Olsen. “I’ve been read by millions,” explains White, “but I’ve been drawing a blank on those disappointing little trollops. I don’t think I’ve lost my edge, I just fear it’s all been done.” Continue Reading

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Viagra Adopts White Rabbit as Jingle – “Feed Your Head”

Viagra Adopts White Rabbit as Jingle – “Feed Your Head”

Pfizer has released their newest series of commercials for the highly popular erectile dysfunction drug, Viagra. During a New York Yankees game last week Pfizer debuted their new commercial. The new advertising campaign abandons their previous approach of “Blue pill makes pappy happy,” in favor of their more direct demographic approach. Continue Reading

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Aniston & Pitt Split, Fan Masturbation Hits New High

Aniston & Pitt Split, Fan Masturbation Hits New High

Hollywood – Brad Pitt has aknowleged that his “seven years in T’Bitch” has officially ended. With both Pitt and his A-list ex-wife, Jennifer Aniston back on the dating scene, surveys have shown that instances of fan masturbation are reaching new highs, indeed, bordering on epidemic. Continue Reading

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Culkin So High, Didn’t Know He Was in Oklahoma

Culkin So High, Didn’t Know He Was in Oklahoma

Macaulay Culkin, long the idol of Jacksonian worship, has reached new highs in his career and physiology this week with his drug arrest in, of all places, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Culkin made no comment about his star-turned-felon status which put him in the illustrious company of OJ, Zsa-Zsa and Kimberly from Diff’rent Strokes. Continue Reading

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Barbara Walters Goes Out in Public Without Soft Focus Blur, Thousands Terrified

Barbara Walters Goes Out in Public Without Soft Focus Blur, Thousands Terrified

LOS ANGELES – ABC anchorwoman Barbara Walters ventured forth from her home in the hills just like any other day- but this time she forgot the soft focus blur that has become a staple for any appearance she makes, on television or otherwise. The crippling shock of seeing the 109-year-old Walters without her vanity mask of soft focus blur caused a massive accident on Rodeo Dr. in Beverly Hills, killing 16 motorists and passengers and seven pedestrians. Continue Reading

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