Archive | Celebrity Gossip

Infamous Miley Cyrus ‘Up Skirt’ Photo to Appear on Postage Stamp

Infamous Miley Cyrus ‘Up Skirt’ Photo to Appear on Postage Stamp

The US Postal Service Postmaster General, Melvis P. Phelps, introduced the new Miley Cyrus Upskirt Postage Stamp to a mostly stunned and open mouthed crowd of reporters. Over the hushed crowd, he immediately tried to explain the importance of bringing newer, more youthful stamp collectors and users into the US Postal system.

“Look folks, with the newer generations of consumers, we have to try to approach things on their terms. They like seeing their movie actors and singing stars look like sluts, right?” Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Sports Scandals2 Comments

Hotels of Hilton Suck Harder than Namesake Paris

Hotels of Hilton Suck Harder than Namesake Paris

I’ve been gracious about this for years, but at some point even the most jaded of satirist has to throw up his hands and say there simply has to be some grand conspiracy at work. Perhaps there isn’t. Perhaps it’s pure coincidence that the same guy who published stories about what a worthless bucket of brackish humanity Paris Hilton is would then find himself on the outs with Hilton Hotels for years to come. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Internets Tubes1 Comment

Steele Sends Nancy Pelosi to the Back of the Bus

Steele Sends Nancy Pelosi to the Back of the Bus

WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) — Chairman Steele invited Republicans to “Get on the Bus” on Friday. The RNC Chairman Michael Steele has, with his Fire Nancy Pelosi Bus Tour, removed the House Speaker from under the bus to sitting inside his bus, albeit in the back seat, but it is a nicely tricked out back seat.

It was announced by Steele that the real FNP 6-week tour would commence this week, and he promised that Speaker Nancy would be on board for at least some parts of the tour. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Politics0 Comments

Actor Gary Coleman Finally Buried In Brief Ceremony

Actor Gary Coleman Finally Buried In Brief Ceremony

HOLLYWOOD (GlossyNews) — Citing a lack of sufficient funds for a proper burial, the ex-wife of actor Gary Coleman sold photos of the little guy’s casket to three tabloid magazines for about $500.00 in order to send him off right! Last week the checks finally arrived and little Gary was laid to rest. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Talky Pictures10 Comments

Jon Stewart Pays to Make ‘Man Whore’ Rumors Go Away

Jon Stewart Pays to Make ‘Man Whore’ Rumors Go Away

NEW YORK (GlossyNews) — Jon Stewart is allegedly being blackmailed by one of The Daily Show’s employees over allegations that in the 90’s, Stewart was a man whore. The information about this closely guarded secret came to light when the employee was asked to dig up some information about Stewart’s “date” with Jennifer Anniston over ten years ago in New York City. Anniston was recently a guest on Stewart’s show and the date came up in conversation. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Entertainment1 Comment

Chief Standing Wolf Takes on Rush Limbaugh After ‘Injuns’ Comment

Chief Standing Wolf Takes on Rush Limbaugh After ‘Injuns’ Comment

FORT APACHE, Arizona (Glossy News) — Watch out Rush Limbaugh. Chief Standing Wolf, who earlier this year made certain promises to rid Arizona of non-Native Americans if they didn’t repeal their white man laws allowing only English-speaking people in their state, is on the war path again. This time, it’s Rush Limbaugh that has the Apache leader seeing red. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Society0 Comments

Al Gore Opens Chain of Upscale Reiki Salons

Al Gore Opens Chain of Upscale Reiki Salons

WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) — Ever since Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2007, he’s been looking for a good investment and now he thinks he’s found it. He’s opening a chain of Reiki salons in Washington, DC. Among the reasons he’s giving for making such a bold business move, Gore came up with these:

*I like the “laying on of hands” concept of Reiki. The magic is in the palms.

*I’ve always been turned on by the phrase “holistic.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Celebrity Gossip0 Comments

Agriculture Secretary Fires Michelle Obama

Agriculture Secretary Fires Michelle Obama

ALEXANDRIA, Virginia (GlossyNews) — In what Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel termed, “ordinary mid-term reassignments” First Lady Michelle Obama was fired today by Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack.

The brief press statement, sent via Twitter and read by White House spokesperson Robert Gibbs, cited Michelle’s failure to ‘get with the program’ as cause for dismissal.

Said Gibbs, “She’s a nice woman, and we wish her the best in future endeavors, but Michelle just isn’t a good fit for Team Obama. We’re trying to change the direction of America; it’s serious business. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Politics4 Comments

Paris Hilton Reps Assure Latest Scandal “Totally Isn’t” About Cocaine

Paris Hilton Reps Assure Latest Scandal “Totally Isn’t” About Cocaine

BEVERLY HILLS, California (GlossyNews) — Paris Hilton, A-list Hollywood actress and star of the the hit film One Night in Paris as well as box office disappointments Bottom’s Up and The Hottie and The Nottie, was involved in a scandalous, embarrassing incident on Wednesday morning June 30, 2010 that may jeopardize the mega-thespian’s future career. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip3 Comments

Lindsay Lohan Shopped for Toiletries & Cigs Anticipating Jail Stay

Lindsay Lohan Shopped for Toiletries & Cigs Anticipating Jail Stay

OS ANGELES, California – (Glossy News) – Lindsay Lohan was lucky she had the benefit of other celebrities’ experiences in jail to help prepare her for what to expect when she went into the slammer. Big names such as Lil’ Kim, Paris Hilton, Robert Downey, Jr. and Martha Stewart, yes, even Martha Stewart, have tweeted Lindsay with kinds words of encouragement and tips on how to survive the big house. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip0 Comments

Kate Gosselin Serves Pet Rooster for Dinner

Kate Gosselin Serves Pet Rooster for Dinner

WYOMISSING, Pennsylvania (GlossyNews) — This week’s installment of Kate Plus Eight entitled “We Named the Pet Rooster Jon” has Kate using every opportunity she can to let her audience know in no uncertain terms that her life is shit because she has the kids and the big house in boring Pennsylvania to take care of 90% of the time while Jon lives a pseudo-swingin’ single lifestyle in New York City. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Entertainment4 Comments

Switzerland Pardons ‘Barefoot Bandit’

Switzerland Pardons ‘Barefoot Bandit’

CARVILLE, Louisiana (GlossyNews) —

Posted by your South America (and also Caribbean) correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez.

We didn’t know, so we checked around. Nobody else knew either. And I’m talking smart people here? Geraldo Rivera, the internationally respected dean of semi-Latino journalists, he didn’t know.

We figured he might be messing with us, so we contacted that Nina Totebag woman from NPR? She didn’t know either. Switzerland has an Ambassador to the Bahamas! Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Crime6 Comments

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