Founding Fathers Protest Holmes-Cruise Divorce

This news site previously reported that the recent rising from the grave by America’s Founding Fathers was in direct protest of the Supreme Court ruling that declared the Affordable Care Act constitutional.

As stated by Founding Father and second President of the United States John Adams, we could not be more wrong.

Hear ye, hear ye. The long dead statesmen ascended en mass in objection to the disunion of TomKat.

Per Adams, reports of divorce papers filed by Katie Holmes against actor husband Tom Cruise threw the hereafter into a Federalist frenzy. Fellow statesman, Ben Franklin–a die-hard follower of Dawson’s Creek, the 1990’s series that catapulted Ms. Holmes into teen drama heaven–took the news hard and led the uprising to grieve what he referred to as “the inconvenience of the human situation.”

Although Adams would not elaborate on his opinion or the opinion of the fellow Fathers regarding the health care ruling by the high court, he did indicate medically-insured rehabilitation might have well benefited several colonialists, most particularly beer connoisseur John Hancock, well-known for his prominent signature on the U.S. Constitution.

“Facts are stubborn things, whatever may be our wishes.” Mr. Adams said, demanding a retraction regarding the true nature of the mass dissent.

We regret the error.

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