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American Poodle Club Rushes to Distance Itself from Gore Scandal

American Poodle Club Rushes to Distance Itself from Gore Scandal

PORTLAND, Oregon (GlossyNews) — Police in Portland, Oregon are reopening their investigation into allegations that Al Gore groped and forced himself onto a masseuse at a local hotel in 2006. While not much has been made public about that incident, the one piece of information that continues to come up in news reports is the fact that the masseuse described Gore’s behavior as “acting like a crazed poodle.” Continue Reading

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Gore Claims He Invented the ‘Happy Ending’

Gore Claims He Invented the ‘Happy Ending’

BALLSTON, Virginia (GlossyNews) — Mired amid controversy of alleged infidelity and sexual misconduct, former Vice President and prominent global warming activist, Al Gore, angrily dismissed these accusations today at a press corps luncheon. Continue Reading

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Obama Receives Hockey’s Lady Byng Award

Obama Receives Hockey’s Lady Byng Award

MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, New York, NY (GlossyNews) — A puck rang off the iron heads of the NHL’s finest this weekend as Gary Bettman announced Barack Obama recipient of the coveted Lady Byng award. The players, who had waited all season for this the crowning of the league’s choicest pussy, spat like Gatorade their red wines onto the seats before them. Continue Reading

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Bob Dylan Offers Help to a Mixed Up World: World Indifferent

Bob Dylan Offers Help to a Mixed Up World: World Indifferent

GARY, Indiana, (GlossyNews) — Sixties icon Bob Dylan appeared, in all of his monochromatic splendor, at the National Press Club this week, announcing a new chapter in what’s already been an amazing career. Said the legendary balladeer, whom some consider the American version of Carl Sandburg, “Iben woando sum further you in furlong tom.” Continue Reading

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Miley Cyrus Keynote Speaker at Exhibitionists’ Convention

Miley Cyrus Keynote Speaker at Exhibitionists’ Convention

SAN FRANCISCO, Kalifornia (GlossyNews) — Underage puddy cat queen, Miley Cyrus, who stunned her ‘tween fans by climbing out of a convertible in front of hundreds of paparazzi wearing a skin-tight mini dress with no underwear, is keynote speaker at this years Flasher’s convention and Flash-in held in a seedy park near downtown L.A. Continue Reading

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Miley Cyrus: My Vagina Now More Popular than Jesus

Miley Cyrus: My Vagina Now More Popular than Jesus

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (GlossyNews) — After blowing the top off the entertainment world by exposing her bottom, a la Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus has come up with another stunner to draw media attention to herself, a la John Lennon: she claims her vagina is now more popular than Jesus.

During a recent press conference in which Cyrus touted her new CD, “Can’t Be Tamed,” Cyrus was asked about the mounting popularity of her underage underworld, recently flashed around the Internet after she allegedly exited a vehicle in front of paparazzi cameras while not wearing panties. Continue Reading

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Lady Gaga Bra Injures Dancers in Rehearsal

Lady Gaga Bra Injures Dancers in Rehearsal

Los Angeles, CA – Little did Lady Gaga realize that the special rifle bra that was created for her “Alejandro” video actually was made from real rifles strapped to the front of the bra in such a way that when she danced, the rifles would sway from side to side.

Unfortunately, while practicing to swing the rifles both in the same direction, one of them got caught in the strapping and swung wildly to the left hitting the other rifle causing it to discharge. Continue Reading

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Palin Just a Typical Red Blooded (Necked?) Girl

Palin Just a Typical Red Blooded (Necked?) Girl

Late one night last week, while she was in her compartment on the Lear60 from Fox leaving New York, Sarah and Todd were working on her autobiography. As they began to brainstorm, with the help of a ‘relaxation substance’ Sarah began to capture some of the things that make her unique.

Here is her list. One is advised to compare these items closely to any girl a feller might want to get ‘serious’ with.

How did I get this paper? Truth to power, I clean the Lear60 when it gets back to Wasilla and I found it in the trash. Continue Reading

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Palin’s Pillow Talk with a Patriot

Palin’s Pillow Talk with a Patriot

Wilmington, De Patriot Time Travel — 1782 – On a recent time travel expedition to the late 1700’s, Sarah Palin found herself in bed with Jacob Broom, another B-level politician some consider a Founding Father and a man “who knows one when he sees one.” According to a report from an ear-witness known only as “Mary,” a conversation overheard coming from behind a certain ramshackle wall went something like this:

“How was that?”

“Mmmm baby girl, you know what I like” Continue Reading

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Palin Reports Russian Peeping Toms

Palin Reports Russian Peeping Toms

Wasilla, Ak (GlossyNews) — Sarah Palin, potential candidate for the Presidency in 2012, has put in a complaint with the Alaskan State Troopers complaining of Russians peeping in her windows at night. As she once claimed that she “could see Russia from her window”; apparently they can see her as well. Perhaps more of her than she would care for.

“Ah, this here’s ‘Peeping Ivan’s’ lookin’ in mah windows at night!” Continue Reading

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Kim Kardashian Opts for Butt Lift after Butt Pad Malfunctions

Kim Kardashian Opts for Butt Lift after Butt Pad Malfunctions

Sydney, Australia – An embarrassed Kim Kardashian was in tears last week due to a major malfunction of one of the silicone butt pads she was wearing. She reportedly was so embarrassed by the occurrence that she has scheduled a trip to Rio de Janeiro for emergency plastic surgery to have a Brazilian butt lift done so that this never happens again.

“We were out and about in Sydney late last Saturday night, drinking and dancing and having a marvelous time when Kim whispered to me, ‘my butt feels funny, take a look and see if it looks alright.’ Continue Reading

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Kate Gosselin Puts Dancing Skills to Work Giving Lap Dances

Kate Gosselin Puts Dancing Skills to Work Giving Lap Dances

Reading, PA (GlossyNews) – Never one to fret about where her next paycheck is coming from what with all her new-found skills and all, Kate Gosselin has put her recent professional dancing skills to use at the local Sheetahs Club in Reading, PA. “Gosh,” says Gosselin, “I had no idea the money I could make at this place.”

“Kitty” Gosselin, as she is now known around town, claims there are plenty more perks that go with a lap dancing job. Continue Reading

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