FOX NEWS, NEW YORK CITY — GlossyNews.com Former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, admitted to Greta van Susternen on her FoxNews show that she is suffering from the rare GOPTea political virus called “fire in belly”, or in beltway-speak: FIB.
“I now know my problem is that I do have the prized FIB virus, right here in my belly,” Palin said patting her belly for the camera. “I’m so adamantly supportive of all those good traditional things about America and we can only do that by defeating Obama in 2012. FIB is a debilitating disease, but I find it to be very satisfying as well. My own little FIB is becoming my political friend.”
Now smiling, Sarah leaned to Greta and said “Surprisingly I was exposed to it by association with Beck, who claimed he had it. But his turned out to be not the real thing, just a low-grade Tea Party facsimile. You know, that fakey, nonpolitical kind of fib. He claimed to have contracted it during our rally with those tens of millions of Tea Party people in DC. So I say he is dealing with a common, every-day fib, nothing like my real f’ing FIB.”
Most political commentators consider exposure to this virus mandatory for anyone considering a run for the presidency. Some party regulars even require it as evidence of the ability to be commander-in- chief.
In fact, Palin said she felt so much fire in her belly that she went on about her service for country, her sacrifice to run for president, her family, her family’s sacrifice to run for president, some of the greater good, but most of all, her having the prized FIB, the fire in her belly.
She said the phrase “fire in belly” a half dozen times. Then she said “FIB” at least as many times. She seemed to have just discovered something bright and shiny, wanting to share it with others. To some cynics it seemed she was off her ADHD meds yet again.
And Sarah’s FIB has been stoked just a bit by several occurrences within the Republican field of potential candidates in the past week. Trump and Mike “Phuck (the p is silent)” Huckabee are now out in 2012. Both were leading the big polls.
Both then suddenly admitted that they were unable to catch the FIB virus, putting them out in 2012. Then on TV Sunday, Mitch Daniels plotzed in the race. And dropped out as well for the same reason as Trump and “Phuck (the p is silent)” – no FIB. None.
Mittens Romney, who is separated in the polls by only a few points from Palin, sometimes as close as the marginoferror, claims to have the FIB. Texan Ron Paul, claims the Texas strain of the FIB virus which he got from Ross Perot in the ’90s.
Last and least, Gingrich, who has nursed his FIB virus since 1994, when he contracted it as Speaker of the House. Newt is a close second to Harold Stassen, who still holds the national record of FIB for 32 years.
There are a few other long shots for the FIB virus: two are Minnesotans, T-Paw, or Tim Pawlenty, and Grand Poobah & TPer of the year, Michele Bachmann. Then the PA FIBer Rick “Google Me” Santorum. These vote-suckers might be eyeing an opportunity that didn’t exist had last week never occurred. But it did. Rapturously.
So Greta finally asked Sarah Palin, “Given the established Right’s dismissive tone, their general attitude that you’re not a worthy candidate, and those soon-to-be-published tell-all books, WTF Sarah, are you seriously telling me that you are ready to run?”
Like a mantra, Sarah said the phrase “fire in belly, FIB” a half dozen times. Trance-like.