Limbaugh Weasels Out of Another One

Much to the delight of his listening audience, crow connoisseur, Rush Limbaugh has claimed that Arizona shooter, Jared Lee Loughner is not insane, but psychic.

“It’s true,” the egg-splattered Limbaugh proclaimed Wednesday, while doing a mind-bending radio segment about repealing the Job-killing Obamacare Plan for Dirty Illegal Mexicans and Other Parasites.

The victimized Limbaugh accused the left of trying to hang a bunch of letters around his neck that Jared Lee Loughner apparently pulled out of thin air such as G-I-F-F-O-R-D-S, D-I-E B-I-T-C-H, and P-L-A-N-N-E-D A-H-E-A-D.

To drive home his point, Limbaugh went on, “Since Loughner devined those letters and thoughts out of the ether using his exceptional psychic ability, the man obviously acted alone without any outside influence. Some people say right-wing commentators like me gave him the letters and thoughts on a silver platter, but there’s no proof of that. I suspect he really got them from a liberal public school that was run by teacher’s unions where God was banished and the Ten Commandments aren’t allowed. In any case, there’s not one shred of evidence he got any crazy ideas from watching Fox News, or listening to my program, which, by the way, airs Monday through Friday at 2:00 Eastern time.”

Limbaugh, now on a roll, continued, “Loughner’s amazing psychic ability obviously comes from listening to heavy metal music and devil worshipping. Mark my word, there’s gonna be more of these God stealing, child-raping, criminal-loving, baby-killing psychics that want to take away your freedoms. They put together a thought here and a letter there, then get outraged and start killing people. But don’t try to blame me, Palin or anyone else. LIBERALS invented letters and thoughts, not God-fearing conservatives!“

“We are just trying to save America from communists who want to rip out your guts and consume your entrails in a homosexual orgy of sex, disease and violence, while giving all your money to the blacks and homeless. That’s all we are trying to do, so go crawl back in your hole with that thug president of yours who wants to take away our guns so we can’t protect ourselves from terrorists. “

About that time the phone rang again and Limbaugh answered, “Psychic hotline, errr, I mean–what’s on yer mind?”

Author: TawdrySoup.Com

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