Author: Laurence Brown
Google Search For ‘Oscar Pistorius Murder Trial’ Evolves Into ‘Reeva Steenkamp Topless’
INDIANAPOLIS – During a routine navigation of the internet Friday, a local man’s Google search for the keywords “Oscar Pistorius murder trial” evolved over the course of 7 minutes into “Reeva Steenkamp Topless.” Initially looking to gain up-to-the-minute news on…
Justin Bieber Dead, Reports Twitter User JoshuaDJ22
NEW YORK, NY – Canadian pop-star and school kid Justin Bieber was tragically killed today when a truck driver accidentally ran over the star in downtown New York, reports bored Twitter user @JoshuaDJ22. In a 120-character post, @JoshuaDJ22 announced that…
American Team Favored to Win 2013 World Series
ST. LOUIS – The St. Louis Cardinals made history Friday when they became the 104th American team to win the World Series. With their 6-2 victory over the Texas Rangers in game 7, The Cardinals extended the United States’ formidable…
God Privately Admits He Doesn’t Have Plan for Disabled Boy
HEAVEN – Speaking off-the-record Friday, the Lord God privately admitted that he did not have a concrete plan for local disabled boy Dwight Bowers, who was born paralyzed from the waist down. Even though the excitable 6-year-old is routinely assured…
Body of Hugo Chavez to See Out Fourth Presidential Term
CARACAS – Aides of the late Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez have confirmed that the 58-year-old’s body will still honor the fourth term it was elected to serve back in October. Mr. Chavez, who had ruled over the Venezuelan people since…
Local Grandma Thinks Rest of Family Should Know That Janice from 3 Doors Down Undergoing Bowel Operation
INDIANAPOLIS – Systematically phoning every adult member of her immediate family Monday, 91-year-old local grandma Eileen Calderwood thought that everyone should know that Janice from three doors down is going in for her bowel operation this Friday. Insisting that her…
Piece of Folded Card Irreversibly Strengthens Bond Between Wife, Husband
INDIANAPOLIS – Sources reported Thursday that a single piece of folded card – the same paper stock used to package cereal and Lean Cuisine frozen meals -irreversibly strengthened the loving bond between local woman Nancy Hargis and her husband Matthew….
Road to Success Closed for Construction
Due to further initiatives from the office of Mayor Ballard, the road to success – an interstate linking life’s frustrating years with one’s potentially comfortable adult years – has closed to make way for more construction. The road, which is…
Study Finds Earth May Once Have Harbored Intelligent Life
BOSTON, MA – A 5-year study carried out by Harvard University’s Geological department has determined that, at some point in its relatively recent history, the planet Earth likely supported intelligent life. Analysis drawn from a collection of rock samples taken…
Copycat Killer Incapable Of Coming Up With Exciting Murder Scenarios of His Own
INDIANAPOLIS – Confessing Tuesday to the killing of 23-year-old Katheryn Morgan, copycat killer Dwayne Paulsen admitted that he is “just incapable” of coming up with creative murder scenarios of his own. Paulsen’s modus operandi bore stark similarities to that of…