Luxembourg Annexes Germany

The European community is in shock following Luxembourg’s decision to deploy troops and annex the Federal Republic of Germany.

According to preliminary reports, Luxembourger troops entered the province of North Rhine-Westphalia early Thursday morning and proceeded through Lower Saxony towards Berlin.

By late Saturday the capitol had surrendered, allowing the invading troops to push south and take Bavaria.

Loyalist German forces did manage to shuttle President Joachim Gauck to safety before enemy troops reached the capitol, but the convoy carrying Chancellor Angela Merkel was stopped just south of Thuringia, leading to her arrest and internment as a prisoner of war.

The final remnants of German resistance were cleared out of Bavaria Sunday evening, allowing the full absorption of territory to be completed the next day.

Reactions from around the world have been mostly negative. French President Francois Hollande slammed the Luxembourg government as “a petty terrorist organization,” while Prime Minister David Cameron of Britain warned that UN action might be taken against the aggressor nation. He noted that “Luxembourg’s orientation towards colonialism and expansion of its territory is a direct contradiction of British history and world values. All believers in sovereignty must decry this senseless imperialism.”

After finishing a golf match with Tiger Woods, President Obama joined the star player at a press conference to call for fidelity and unity between the European nations still free of Luxembourg’s influence. “Let me be clear: we have to recognize a rogue state when we see one and move to ensure that world order is built on a multilateral basis, not by individual actors on the stage.”

Former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi offered a less defiant tone, lamenting that

“Angela’s poor nocturnal stamina is the cause of this sneak attack’s success. Perhaps next time she will take my lessons more seriously.”

Some nations are emerging to support Luxembourg’s ambitions, however. Liechtenstein’s monarchy released a statement applauding its northern neighbor for “showing spunk against the tyranny of world powers,” and further pledged troops to help Luxembourg maintain security in Central Europe.

With additional endorsements being offered by San Marino, Malta and the Maldives, certain experts have suggested the possibility of a grand alliance to be known as the “Wee Powers,” with Luxembourg as leader. No word has issued yet regarding the Vatican City’s interest in such a proposal.

Author: Veto Votti

Washington, D.C. native stuck in the Alps. I use a typewriter and then copy and paste to my computer doesn't work so well.

3 thoughts on “Luxembourg Annexes Germany

  1. I just can’t stand it when these evil powers promote their petty, particularistic interests as being somehow universally relevant. Luxembourg must pay the penalty for their presumption.

  2. Police in Italy are apparently concerned the imperialism could spread past the Alps and towards Rome.

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