GlossyNews.com – President Obama and the Democratic National Committee, in a surprising press release yesterday, accused presidential candidate Mitt Romney of intentionally dousing himself in Aqua Velva aftershave just before the Denver presidential debate with the intent of throwing the President ‘off his mark’.
“As I walked up to the podium,” recalled Obama, “There was this harsh, biting and very astringent odor like a mix of diesel fuel, ketone and knock-off brand Chanel No.5. After that I remember almost nothing.”
“Yes, that sounds like Aqua Velva,” said Maxine Armtrader assistant director of the Center for Hazardous Substances in Atlanta, Georgia, adjacent.
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“It is well documented that Aqua Velva can have a stupefying effect on those close by and can render certain subjects almost dumbfounded and disoriented, [which the President certainly seemed to be.]”
After the news release, our Glossy News junior cosmetics correspondent intern spoke with Liz Bethright, regional manager of Combe, Inc., the world-wide marketer of Aqua Velva. Ms Bethright, when asked the alleged tranquilizing effects of Aqua Velva, asserted that the aftershave is perfectly legal in the United States as well as several foreign countries.
“The soporific effect Aqua Velva is rumored to have on others is hearsay and has not been scientifically proven,” she angrily explained. When asked if she saw the presidential debates, Bethright added, “Of course, one has to follow the directions on the bottle.”