Categorized | Politics

Americans Flock to Polls Desperate to End Election Season

Americans Flock to Polls Desperate to End Election Season – Exit polls show that while voters split about 50-50 on which candidate they preferr for president, 99.3% agreed that they also voted just to bring an end to the election season.

“Oh, totally,” Miranda Kelly said, “One more day of the ads and I would have been drowning puppies.”

“At this point, I don’t care who wins,” Tom Yerkle agreed, “This shit needs to end. I really don’t even remember who I voted for and I don’t care.”

Read Also:
Election Analysts Admit It’s Just Pin the Tail on the Donkey
Fundi Preachers Scream “Liberal East Coasters” Caused Hurricane Sandy
Romney Ahead 99 Pts Among Those Who Think Twinkies are Vegetables

Janice Randolph knows just who she didn’t voted for, though.

“I counted all the signs I saw on the way to the polling station, and the mothertrucker with the most… I voted for the other one.”

Reports have also surfaced that a man, distributing papers outside a Tucson, Arizona, polling station with the heading ‘Martin for President – 2016’, was apparently stoned to death. Police have leads, but have decided not to follow them out of respect to his victims.


This post was written by

- who has written 19 posts on

Sean Myers is a law student whose desire to change things for the better has led him, inevitably, to the world of satire writing.


12 Responses to “Americans Flock to Polls Desperate to End Election Season”

  1. Mike Kelly says:

    You do have a point. And to think, we are a mere three months from the start of the 2016 campaign.

  2. kilroy says:

    You just harshed my election night buzz there, Mike!

  3. Mike Kelly says:

    Sorry Kilroy, I just report the news not make it, other than that time I was shown in the background in handcuffs. But I swear that was kink and not an actual arrest. I have no further comment.

  4. kilroy says:

    Oh, nuff said!

  5. you are sick!!! Did you take your meds today??? And why were you released?

  6. Sawyer Brown says:

    2016? I thought the world end december 21st of this year.

  7. kilroy says:

    good point. panic now and avoid the rush.

  8. Mike Kelly says:

    I have taken them, I'm just not sure of the dosage right now. Have to speak with the Captain, is he there?

  9. Sawyer Brown says:

    Leslie Howard As of 10:44 est better make good with your deity(ies).

  10. Leslie Howard says:

    the world only ends 12-21 if romney wins

  11. Sawyer Brown says:

    looks like the world is saved from our mayan destroyers!


Leave a Reply

We are also looking for a satire editor
and a Clever Photoshop Guru...
We Made a Movie!

Check us out on Kickstarter!

Glossy News Exclusive Exposés

-- (SEE ALL Videos) --

Glossy News Fake Commercials!

More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial