Americans Flock to Polls Desperate to End Election Season – Exit polls show that while voters split about 50-50 on which candidate they preferr for president, 99.3% agreed that they also voted just to bring an end to the election season.

“Oh, totally,” Miranda Kelly said, “One more day of the ads and I would have been drowning puppies.”

“At this point, I don’t care who wins,” Tom Yerkle agreed, “This shit needs to end. I really don’t even remember who I voted for and I don’t care.”

Read Also:
Election Analysts Admit It’s Just Pin the Tail on the Donkey
Fundi Preachers Scream “Liberal East Coasters” Caused Hurricane Sandy
Romney Ahead 99 Pts Among Those Who Think Twinkies are Vegetables

Janice Randolph knows just who she didn’t voted for, though.

“I counted all the signs I saw on the way to the polling station, and the mothertrucker with the most… I voted for the other one.”

Reports have also surfaced that a man, distributing papers outside a Tucson, Arizona, polling station with the heading ‘Martin for President – 2016’, was apparently stoned to death. Police have leads, but have decided not to follow them out of respect to his victims.

Author: Sean Myers

Sean Myers is a professional writer and legal blogger. He lives in upstate New York.

12 thoughts on “Americans Flock to Polls Desperate to End Election Season

  1. Sorry Kilroy, I just report the news not make it, other than that time I was shown in the background in handcuffs. But I swear that was kink and not an actual arrest. I have no further comment.

Comments are closed.