GlossyNews.com – Exit polls show that while voters split about 50-50 on which candidate they preferr for president, 99.3% agreed that they also voted just to bring an end to the election season.
“Oh, totally,” Miranda Kelly said, “One more day of the ads and I would have been drowning puppies.”
“At this point, I don’t care who wins,” Tom Yerkle agreed, “This shit needs to end. I really don’t even remember who I voted for and I don’t care.”
– Election Analysts Admit It’s Just Pin the Tail on the Donkey
– Fundi Preachers Scream “Liberal East Coasters” Caused Hurricane Sandy
– Romney Ahead 99 Pts Among Those Who Think Twinkies are Vegetables
Janice Randolph knows just who she didn’t voted for, though.
“I counted all the signs I saw on the way to the polling station, and the mothertrucker with the most… I voted for the other one.”
Reports have also surfaced that a man, distributing papers outside a Tucson, Arizona, polling station with the heading ‘Martin for President – 2016’, was apparently stoned to death. Police have leads, but have decided not to follow them out of respect to his victims.