Posted in Society

Fewer Trick-Or-Treaters Than 20 Years Ago, Lament Nation’s Pedophiles

INDIANAPOLIS – Ahead of this year’s Halloween, the nation’s pedophiles lamented Monday the relatively low number of children seen trick-or-treating on the streets in recent years. Recalling a time when groups of young children would freely mobilize between houses in…

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Posted in Politics

Republicans Find God, Win Epic Game of Hide & Seek

Senator Chris Coons’ office has sent out a short brief detailing how the Congressman has finally found God, and put an end to a millennia-long game of hide and seek. Asked to comment about his Earth-shaking discovery, Senator Coons had…

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Posted in Politics

‘He Who Shall Not Be Named’ Creates Stress For Romney Campaigners

There was great tension at the Republican Campaign Headquarters that morning as the worker bees entered their office in D.C. As with every campaign, unexpected situations come up. “’He Who Shall Not Be Named’” wants to endorse Romney.” stated Mitch…

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Posted in Politics

Bargis Tryhol Presidential Election Battle Successful on 50 State Ballots

Miami, Florida- Newbie Presidential candidate Bargis Tryhol, who narrowly missed his 2008 presidential qualification window, is now on every state’s Presidential Ballot and is running as a ‘Do Your Own Thing’ candidate. Tryhol announced today that he has created his…

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Posted in World News

Bus Ad Tells Congress: Don’t Support Hamas

The Los Angeles-based Israel advocacy group Stand With Us has begun running bus advertisements in San Francisco asking the U.S. Congress not to support the Palestinian resistance group Hamas. According to spokesperson Dr. Macho Harass, the level of Congressional support…

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Posted in Internets Tubes

GlossyNews Staff Shocked By Layoff Notices

In a surprising development this morning layoff notices were delivered to the 45 employees of the company who work in the print division. This was an unexpected move coming so close on the heels of the recent tenth anniversary. Locked…

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Posted in Health

Yes Virginia, We’ll Protect Your Vagina

Planned Parenthood today issued a public announcement that they were no longer taking the continued attacks on their services lying down. In a coordinated effort with several law groups, a new service being offered is to legally incorporate your uterus….

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Posted in Society Strange People

Cat Subconsciously Putting Own Sensibilities Onto Humans

INDIANAPOLIS – Having carried out little research into the species in question, 2-year-old Indianapolis cat, Mickey, continues to subconsciously put his own sensibilities onto humans – specifically his 29-year-old owner Matt. Incorrectly determining that his overlord probably enjoys the sight…

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