INDIANAPOLIS – The senate campaign of Indiana’s leading Republican candidate, Richard Mourdock, is reportedly in disarray Tuesday after the Almighty Father in Heaven identified himself as pro-choice.
God’s stance on the issue of abortion comes as a particular blow to Mr. Mourdock, who insisted during Tuesday’s senatorial debate that “rape pregnancies are God’s will”.
However, The Lord was moved to clarify his position in light of Mourdock’s remarks Tuesday night, taking the opportunity to rebuke the would-be senator.
“I just could not stand back any longer and let one of My own lowly creations make yet another bold and unfounded claim about Me,” said God, in a short address to the people of Indiana. “Let me say this as clearly as I can: I have never used my divine powers to engineer rape. Period.”
“How would Richard Mourdock like it if I started making baseless claims about him? I could spread the word that Mourdock cheats on his wife Marilyn with a staffer named Brian, or that he privately masturbates during campaign meetings.”
The Mourdock campaign has yet to comment on God’s stunning revelation, which comes just months after the lord was forced to deny telling Indiana man Wayne Calzone to shoot his wife and two sons.