Month: September 2012
Romney On His Video Gaffe: ‘Obama Is Destroying This Nation’
WASHINGTON D.C. – Attempting to deflect growing criticism following a leaked video allegedly showing him alienating “47%” of the American electorate, Mitt Romney today addressed the issue, declaring: “Obama is ruining this great nation.” Mr. Romney came under fire Monday…
NFL Addresses Fan Discontent by Hiring Replacement Refs from Foot Locker
The National Football League is taking decisive action in response to complaints about horrendously bad officiating by the replacement referees, who were brought in due to the lockout of referees by the league. The move is the culmination of events…
Sofia Vergara Reveals Formerly Hidden Talents At The Emmy Awards
The Emmy Awards got a huge ratings boost right in the middle of the program when Sofia Vergara’s already revealing dress ripped to expose even more luscious skin, good thing she was at least able to obtain an award manufactured…
Report Finds Today Crappiest Day Since Forever
INDIANAPOLIS – A new report conducted by professors at Indiana University has found that today – Tuesday, September 25th, 2012 – has been, like, the crappiest day ever. It’s not gonna lie, continued the report, this has been one utterly…
Ehud Barak’s (latest) “Generous Offer” to the Palestinians
Israel’s current Defense Minister and former Prime Minister Ehud Barak was plainly anxious to see me. “You’ve got to get down here right away, Barb, or I’m going to give this story to someone else,” he said over the phone….
Romney Reaches Out to the Nation’s Dead People
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a move designed to kick-start his flagging presidential campaign Friday, Mitt Romney reached out to the nation’s dead people during a visit to a cemetery in the state of Virginia. Aiming to refocus his campaign after…
Third Party Candidates Experience the Shaft
Forget the 2012 election. The path to it is already littered with debris. The problem with our two party system is that it concentrates political power into two narrow, easily manipulated, easily controlled channels. And it pushes very worthy challengers…
Glossy News Does Not Receive the Respect it Deserves
I’m well aware of the fact that this site ranks near the top of the chart for daily views and regular readers. The chart that I’m referring to is the one that I have in my bedroom. I have severe…
Hard-Up Filmmaker Frantically Writing Raunchy Muhammed Screenplay
YORKTOWN – Struggling to break into the film industry with a series of underfunded independent projects, local filmmaker Alan Friedrich was frantically writing a controversial screenplay Friday, depicting the Muslim prophet Muhammed as an alcoholic, homosexual gambler. Set to the…
Launch of a Campaign to Mildly Harass Congress
So, a little while ago, I wrote this little ditty about how Congress’ approval rating had fallen below 0%. It was born mostly out of frustration with our political leaders’ absolute inability to do anything other than name post offices….