Category: Politics
New Obama Program Pays You to Burn Down Your House
Asheville, North Carolina (GlossyNews) — The poop on politics from Norbert B. Snortwhistle. In his latest bid to pump up the economy before the 2012 election, President Obama introduced a new program, “Bucks for Burn Downs,” that will pay financially…
McCain To Run For President in 2044
Burning Candles, Arizona (GlossyNews) — The poop on politics from Norbert B. Snortwhistle. Former GOP presidential candidate John McCain will launch another bid for the White House in 2044, and is “firmly committed to running a vigorous, full-steam ahead” campaign.
Crayola Announces New “John Boehner Orange” Crayon Color
Pumpkin Place, Ohio (GlossyNews) —The poop on politics from Norbert B. Snortwhistle. The iconic Crayola crayon company announced it will introduce a new crayon color, “John Boehner Orange,” based on what it calls the “distinctive, even unique, hues and shades”…
Global Gasoline and Poster Board Prices Rise Sharply
New York, NY, GlossyNews.com– Speculation and tensions are rising on Wall Street as political unrest in the Middle East is not only causing gasoline prices to skyrocket, but poster board prices are at an all-time high as well. Although in…
Scott Walker Declares Himself a Wisconsin Hero
Scott Walker defines a hero as “someone who, against all odds, does what is necessary to fight evil in the world.” And so it is that Walker believes that he is doing the right thing by making sure teachers don’t…
Sarah Palin Seeks Charity to Pay for Kids’ Braces
Sarah Palin recently went on Fox News and publicly admitted that she could use some help in paying for her kids’ dental expenses. “Do you even know how much a set of braces costs these days?” asked Palin as she…
Scott Walker Begs Koch Brothers to Release Him from Pact
While Scott Walker says he doesn’t want to compare his relationship with the Koch Brothers as being akin to selling your soul to the devil, seeing as he’s a devout Christian and all, his friends say he is feeling the…
Tea Party Rebukes Bachmann for Un-Christian Breaking Wind Incident
WASHINGTON DC — GlossyNews.com Minnesota GOPTea Bagger Rep. Michelle Bachmann broke wind yesterday in what was described as a home accident. She and her staff immediately flew to Washington DC where she announced the cancellation of her April appearances in…
Obama’s Othello “Obamothello” Debuts in Lib Stronghold
Debuting next Saturday in the liberal bastion of hedonism known as San Francisco, this travesty on the English language, brought to you by deep-pocket interests from the left fringe, who somehow feel it’s acceptable to rewrite the great texts to…
Wisconsin Democratic Rep Found Hiding In My Closet
I found a Wisconsin State Democratic Senator hiding in my closet. Bastard! I was coming in to see if I could find a pair of socks I hadn’t worn more than one day and, shazaam!, there he was. He looked…