New Obama Program Pays You to Burn Down Your House

Asheville, North Carolina (GlossyNews) — The poop on politics from Norbert B. Snortwhistle.

In his latest bid to pump up the economy before the 2012 election, President Obama introduced a new program, “Bucks for Burn Downs,” that will pay financially troubled homeowners to burn down their own homes.

“Rebuilding burned down homes will create good jobs that can’t be shipped overseas,” the President said. “And this program gives frustrated homeowners an alternative to simply walking away from their mortgage.”

The President made his remarks in a speech to local firefighters, some of whom were facing layoffs due to strapped municipal government budgets.

Republican House Speaker John Boehner sharply objected to the President’s proposal, while some economists expressed doubts about its effectiveness.

“Private sector entrepreneurs, many of them small businesses, can burn down homes more efficiently than a federal bureaucracy,” Boehner asserted. “This is just another big spending job killer for small businesses.”

“It’s difficult to gauge the impact without more details,” observed an economist at a Washington think tank. “If the burned down houses are rebuilt and put up for sale, that increases the supply on the market, which keeps home prices low.”

Democratic House leader Nancy Pelosi, however, signaled she would fight for the President’s plan.

“Republicans say ‘no’ to everything,” Pelosi replied. “But burning down homes makes just as much sense as many of the bills Congress has passed.”

Author: norbert b. snortwhistle

Norbert Bibbington Snortwhistle is not the author’s real name. A freelance writer living in a California beach town, Mr. Snortwhistle writes about business, politics and other strange affairs. You can read his articles on investing and the economy, posted under the name ‘Low Sweat Investing,’ here.

6 thoughts on “New Obama Program Pays You to Burn Down Your House

  1. Thanks for commenting. In related, late-breaking news, GOP budget cutters have determined they can eliminate the entire U.S. budget deficit simply by shutting down all National Parks and selling the trees for firewood, so long as they also shut down Social Security and Medicare. Stay tuned.

  2. Thanks to all for commenting. From what I understand, the President’s original proposal included burning down only the House of Representatives. Unfortunately, nobody except Sen. Harry Reid would support that, so this plan became the compromise.

  3. …plus it screws the banks that have been foreclosing on us for years. Sounds like a sound idea to me!

  4. It’s just good for the economy. Reduce excess inventory, stimulate home sales, consumer spending increase to replace personal property, and it gives the fire departments the work they need.

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