Colonel Moammar Kadhaffy is on his way out. There is no denying it (unless you’re him).

But before his body is discovered at the bottom of a bombed-out bunker, or cowering in the corner of a desert spider hole, it is worth remembering some of the dictator’s more inspirational qualities – some of the good things that may not be noted when writing this his soon-to-be-released obituary. Read the full story

The CIA is mum on a new secret operation designed to take the Taliban out once and for all. The concept of Operation “Xbox 360 Fever” is based on this country’s own experience with realistic computer games. “It is mainly aimed at the male soldiers who know nothing but fighting since they were young,” said Lt. Col. Milton Bradley, no relation to General Omar Bradley. Read the full story

Cultivation of the US Government’s own strain of cannabis known as mellow-yellow by a government-sanctioned agricultural group known as Subsidi-Farm is being ramped up in order to help raise money for the latest war in Libya. The coffers are running dry when it comes to funding social programs, medical health programs and education, but with this latest source of income, the President hopes to stave off any criticism for borrowing more heavily from the Chinese to maintain our presence in 3 wars. Read the full story

It is increasingly clear that establishment Republicans don’t have much love for Ms. Sarah Palin. It is also crystal clear that Sarah Palin couldn’t give two rat’s asses if they do or not. In fact, she is going out of her way, it seems, to rile up every segment of society as much as her beloved, often furry, mama grizzlies.

Recently, Barbara Bush commented to fellow Jurassic extinction survivor Larry King that Sarah Palin loves Alaska, and then added that she should stay there. Upon hearing this, Palin chose to reload and fight back against what she perceived as “blue bloods doing battle against the red bloods and turning the best part of red, white and blue American into some kind of crazy purple haze.” Read the full story

In 1965, Dr. Theodore “Seuss” Geisel published his war study, “Fox in Socks.” The final 20% of the book discusses tactics and strategy employed by Tweetle Beetles in battle conditions. One sentence reads:

“When beetles fight their battles in a bottle with their paddles and the bottle’s on a poodle and the poodle’s eating noodles, they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle bottle paddle battle.”

General Kenton Burnside of the National War College has recently completed a more in-depth research study into Tweetle Beetle Battles. Read the full story

Manila, Philippines – Back pay mathematics is going to be a real tough chore for the Japanese Army to estimate in the next few months. Especially for the 134 men who’ve been on continuous combat duty in the mountains of the Philippines since 1943!

Known as, ‘not the brightest army battalion,’ the Imperial Japanese Army’s Cha Poi Battalion has been missing for almost 66 years. Read the full story

Bouffant Falls, AR (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with norbert b. snortwhistle. (Glossy News) – Presumed 2012 GOP presidential primary entrant Sarah Palin declared war on China today, though she admitted she wasn’t certain “it can be allowed” from an undeclared political candidate.

“I can see Russia from my front window,” Palin shouted to a cheering Tea Party crowd, many of them wearing surplus army helmets and waving chopsticks. “I sure don’t want China up my chimney, and neither do the American people!” Read the full story

Paris (GlossyNews) — French official are scrambling this afternoon in an apparent effort to appease their  enraged Chinese counterparts.

The dispute began with reports of an ill-advised boast made by General Pierre Petit on the French Riviera Monday afternoon, where military leaders were meeting to discuss national defense over wine and cheese. General Petit emphatically declared the following: Read the full story

Meneng, Nauru, Micronesia (GlossyNews) — In breaking news this morning, the government of the sleepy Micronesian island nation of Nauru has joined with the tiny nations of Monaco and Vatican City in declaring a preemptive war on the United States. Nauru, home to about 12,500 people sitting atop a major phosphates deposit, has become increasingly concerned that the US may target it to poach its small but important mineral reserves. Monaco and Vatican City both are growing uneasy about US hegemony in Southern Europe. The 780 residents of Vatican City are worried that if the US declares war on the Vatican, they will be caught with their pants down and have no place to run. Read the full story

When Alexander Hamilton signed the Constitution of United States in 1775, he defined democracy and freedom in the following way: “The sacred rights of mankind, [human freedom,] are not to be rummaged for, among old parchments, or musty records. They are written, as with a sun beam in the whole volume of human nature, by the hand of the divinity itself; and can never be erased or obscured by mortal power.” Read the full story

President Barack Obama looks to be in a bit of a pickle – regardless of being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for being top dog of the world’s most belligerent nation – next to Israel.

If he doesn’t sanction the dispatch of the extra 40,000 troops his military commander in Afghanistan – General Billy Bob McTwattie – has requested to replace the ones the Taliban keep snuffing then the GOP Republican hawks are ready to paint him as a spineless dove who’s Read the full story

The commanding US general in Afghanistan has called for a revised military strategy, suggesting the current one is totally Fubar.

In a top secret strategic assessment sent to the US Central Command – endorsed with a bright red “Eyes Only : Don’t show more than a Dozen” stamp, four star General Billy Bob McTwattie declared that while the Afghan military situation had been a calamitous screw-up since Day One, the conflict was winnable over the next twenty years – or so – Read the full story