Tag Archive | "war"

Humanitarian Gas Chambers and Gulags


If you think warmongering is a left-wing or a right-wing thing, you are an utter moron.

If you think peace is a left-wing or a right-wing thing, you are an irredeemable imbecile. Read the full story

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In Syria Did Cameron: An Ode to a Dynamic Intervention, in the Mode of Coleridge


In Syria did Cameron

A pleasurable jape decree:

Where Euphrates river swells with death

And bodies numberless

Drift far by salted fields.

So ten times he’s wont to quake the earth

As trembling mothers give weeping infants birth Read the full story

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Human InterestComments (0)

Gingrich Clarifies/Muddies ‘ISIS Contract’ Situation (2/2)


Last time, I explained to you how a conciliatory Newt Gingrich™ attempted to liberate America from a very clear and present danger.

That’s right: the mortal peril of bigoted mudslingers holding firmly and dogmatically to merely one-sided and partisan views on the Islamic State.

I quoted Gingrich’s framing of one half of the dilemma: the pro-ISIS story. Because as we all know Newt Gingrich and John Kerry all know, there are always two sides to every story… Read the full story

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Gingrich Clarifies/Muddies ‘ISIS Contract’ Situation (1/2)


Bill Clinton has stuck his stiff neck above the parapet and wantonly defamed Newt Gingrich for his ISIS apologism.

Don’t vote for this cynical, Mafiaesque “contract-killing” bastard, if he ever runs for office.

Yeah, vote for someone really good, like… Read the full story

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GOP/Dems War Duet: You Gotta Save Somebody 


Someone has decided to rewrite Bob Dylan’s Gotta Serve Somebody, to fit the current climate in 2015.

The song has not been well received in Washington. Read the full story

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Who Committed Mass Atrocities in the Balkans? (2/2)


Last time:

Q: Who gets to decide what is a ‘Genocide’ or a ‘Crime Against Humanity,’ and what is merely a series of purportedly less serious war crimes or atrocities?

A: Whoever has the power to do so.

It’s as simple as that. No need to overthink it.

Yes: the official narrative on the very complex Balkans conflict is no more morally reputable than the ravings of David Irving who (as is well enough known) tried to challenge the well-established facts on the vile mass atrocities committed by the Nazis. Read the full story

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Who Committed Mass Atrocities in the Balkans? (1/2)


Quick question:

Who was it that committed mass atrocities in the Balkans? Read the full story

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Blair Warns Germany: Stop Apologizing for Mass Atrocities (2/2)


No, look, look, let’s cut to the chase. This is a textbook example of deliberate smear tactics! A cynical, malicious, orchestrated campaign of personal vilification against some admittedly somewhat fallible individuals…
Who somehow, God forbid, DARED to presume to lack the all-seeing, pristinely perfect, absolutely comprehensive omniscience that their critics so unjustly demand of them…
And which their critics no doubt cynically attribute to themselves alone.
Well, if you dare to arrogantly and maliciously single out the Germans like that, all I can say is: God help the rest of us mere mortals!
Well? What do you think?
Is there ANYONE ON EARTH who could even come close to these hideously high standards, these highfaluting moral and epistemological criteria, to which the Germans have been so unfairly and arbitrarily subjected?
Well, if that’s how it’s to be, how many of us will be left standing on that great and grand day of judgment, when the innocent sheep of good character and goodwill shall be vindicated and receive their eternal reward…
While the vicious goats who abused their power and tyrannized over others without mercy will themselves receive no mercy, and will be finally cast into eternal perdition?
No, believe me, this is not rhetoric.
(Well, it never is, is it?)
No, let me tell you now! This is deadly serious, and if anyone takes these matters lightly, they’ll one day discover, to their cost, that it’s all too late…
And that they have wasted their life, spilled their talents on the ground, the same ground which cries unto high Heaven for justice against the oppressor…
As they drown and choke in the blood of the innocent, fearfully screaming to themselves, but all too late, that they’ve wasted every last opportunity they had once been offered to do good for others, so that they could save themselves from everlasting punishment…
Having chosen instead the path of harming others; by inflicting evil and oppression on their fellow human beings, they also have lost everything they ever had, and would nevermore know so much as a single moment’s peace…
No, it’s all too late; not one of their victims will so much as dip their finger in a drop of water, to cool the the blazing tongue of their oppressor.
No, we should all be quite clear: when that day finally arrives, it will be too late for tears…
And anyone who begs and pleads for just one last, final chance to make amends and atone for their crimes will find the doors of Heaven shut forever..
And you know what? It’ll be nothing less that they deserve.
Yes: “Judge not, and you will not be judged,” that’s what I say.
Jesus actually said that. He’s a very wise man who admires me very much (or… never mind)…
And he actually agrees with me on quite a lot of things, believe you me; and that’s one of them. We have rather a lot in common, you know.
Well, except perhaps that Jesus was rather absolutist and dogmatic at times, not always understanding the importance of seizing the moment and dynamically re-configuring his strategic ethical objectives and methods…
Which is something I daresay I’m rather better at!
But I don’t want to boast. No one’s ever accused me of being arrogant, and I certainly don’t want to start now.
Well, I mean, I’ve got away with just the odd pomo-ironically detached smattering of self-congratulation fairly well so far, don’t you think? 😉
Never mind.
No, forgive me, I’m telling you now, it’s simply INTOLERABLE that individuals of perfectly good character and intentions have been ridiculed, smeared, mocked, criticized, treated like the scum of the earth…
Just for making one little mistake that, let’s be honest, anyone in this world could easily have made.
I mean, to err is but human, to forgive divine. Just don’t be resentful, and stop taking a one-sided, dogmatic, and prejudiced view of the issue! ~______~
Still, I must confess I myself do have an issue or two with a few aspects of what the Germans did; but we just have to put these things into perspective, don’t we! 😀
Yes, I mean, seriously, it’s like, you know: can any one of you state with 100% infallible certainty that you would never have made such a perfectly human and excusable error?
…OF COURSE NOT!
No, no, please, let me insist on just this point, just this this once.
The people who make light of the terrible sufferings of the Holocaust and World War II, with all their cynical, ignorant, purely politically motivated and opportunistic criticisms; THEY are the REAL criminals.
Yes, indeed. You know, we all know, it’s bad enough to kill and torture countless innocent people. I wouldn’t want to make light of that at all, believe you me.
Then again…
No, I mean, let’s face it, to then round upon the people who, you claim, are somehow, in way or another, you know, just flat-out GUILTY of these deaths, in some radically indeterminate and conveniently unqualified manner…
Well, that really just takes the biscuit! It’s simply despicable, and shows an utter lack of common human decency and self-restraint.
Well, yes… no, if you’d the slightest idea what a pretentious, cynical, insincere charlatan you sound like, let me tell you, you would never open your mouth again.
No, you will try to maliciously twist what I’m saying for the sake of some petty political capital, like you did with my Iraq dossier, but you will not succeed.
No, believe me, I’m used to it. Lots of people criticize me, but d’you know why?
Well yes, at the end of the day, there is only one reason that I’m ever criticized.
Any ideas?
Yes, you’re right.
Opportunism.
Just sheer, cynical, unadulterated, Machiavellian opportunism. That’s the ONLY REASON I have EVER been criticized in this world. 🙁
And I tell you what; you know what?
Well, the people of Britain; they’ve just had enough.

You never spoke a truer word, Tony.
Oh wait, that sounds a bit odd, doesn’t it!

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Posted in Politics, War ZoneComments (0)

John Kerry Finally Gets Around to Threatening Glossynews: Syrian Cooking Pots…


John Kerry has threatened the pitiful Unamerican/Uncosmopolitan “satire” outlet “Glossynews” with humanitarian annihilation, if we do not shape up.

Read the transcript, and promise me not to laugh. This shit is serious.

The illegitimate Glossynews editorial regime and its vicious hack collaborators, for too long, have defied the wrath of the International Community.

These despicable hooligans truly are “Sinners in the Hand of an Angry Military-Industrial Complex,” and it’s about time they started acting accountably. Read the full story

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Posted in Internets Tubes, War ZoneComments (0)

ISIS Blows Up U.S. Battleships Maine and Lusitania in the Gulf of Tonkin


WASHINGTON – The Pentagon announced today that the Islamic State (ISIS) has blown up two American battleships, the Maine and the Lusitania in the Gulf of Tonkin.

Brigadier General Lance Boyle stated: “ISIS was very foolhardy in using weapons of mass destruction to blow up two American battleships that were peacefully passing through the Gulf of Tonkin on separate humanitarian missions.” Read the full story

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U.S. Deploys 120,000 Boots to Iraq and Syria


WASHINGTON—Tuesday morning, President Obama announced the immediate deployment of American boots in response to the continuing threat of ISIS in Iraq and Syria.

This is in spite of the president’s recent assurance that there will be “no boots on the ground.”

“It has become clear that airstrikes alone are not enough,” said President Obama during a press conference.

“To degrade and destroy the extremist threat facing Iraq and Syria, we need a sizable ground presence. That’s why I’ve authorized the immediate deployment of 60,000 pairs of boots to the region.” Read the full story

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Congress Declares Global War on ‘The Heebie-Jeebies’


WASHINGTON—On Monday, Congress unanimously approved the Authorization for Use of Force against Unpleasant Lifeforms (AUFUL) joint resolution, effectively declaring war on what the Obama administration calls “the heebie-jeebies.”

After signing the resolution into law, the president will have full authorization to eliminate a broad, unspecified range of icky targets. Read the full story

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Canadians urge Ukrainians to seek Peace through Dullness


Backed by a majority of Canadians, the Canadian government has passed a resolution urging Ukrainians to stop fighting and to handle their internal conflict by being more boring like the Canadians.

Ukraine is split between ethnic Russians in the eastern part of the country and pro-European, ethnic-Ukrainians in the west. Likewise, Canada is split between Catholic, French-speaking Quebecers, left-wingers in Ontario and British Columbia, and conservatives in the prairies. Read the full story

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Posted in Politics, World NewsComments (5)

Canadians urge Ukrainians to seek Peace through Dullness


Dateline: OTTAWA—Backed by a majority of Canadians, the Canadian government has passed a resolution urging Ukrainians to stop fighting and to handle their internal conflict by being more boring, like Canadians.
Read the full story

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Posted in Making Headlines, Politics, World NewsComments (10)

Obama constituency overwhelmingly supports war with Syria


Despite a Reuters/Ipsos poll showing that only 9% of Americans support military intervention in Syria, the White House today assured the public that a more recent and reliable poll leaves no doubt that the President’s constituency favors war.

The poll was conducted by Defense Industries Systems Information, Inc. (DIS Information). It shows that 99.9% prefer increased U.S. military intervention. The poll has a .1% margin of error. DIS Information spokesperson Lyon Daly spoke to this reporter about the polling methodology and findings.

RIGHT: Obama supporters discuss Syria options. Read the full story

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Hasbro Introduces PTSD GI Joe


In an effort to introduce children to the realities of war, Hasbro Inc. announced today that it will begin marketing the new PTSD GI Joe.

“Up until now we have always presented GI Joe as being fearless, ready to kill Vietnamese or Iraqi soldiers”, said Hasbro marketing executive Clive Barron. “The new PTSD GI Joe will reflect the reality of war. He will be more withdrawn, easily irritated, at times shaking uncontrollably and unable to maintain relationships”.

Barron said the new PTSD GI Joe will be outfitted with tiny medications, alcohol bottles and a psychiatrist doll, sold separately. Also, instead of his usual GI greens, Joe will be clad in ordinary street clothes.

“We think of this GI Joe as already being discharged from the service”, Barron continued. “But, of course, we leave it up to the imagination of the child”.

Barron further stated that to further fuel the child’s Imagination, the new GI Joe will have removable limbs, wheelchair and a bandage set. Unlike the old GI Joe, this one will be unarmed.

“We can’t give a gun to a loose canon!” Barron said.

“Oh boy!” said 8 year old Josh Belieber. “I can hardly wait for my new GI Joe doll!”

Belieber said his PTSD GI Joe has plans to do unspeakable things to Barbie and Ken.

“Barbie and Ken are just spoiled brats!” Josh said. “Joe’s gonna show ’em who’s boss!”

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