Tag Archive | "republicans"

Does Brown Pack the Gear to Replace Kennedy?

Boston, MA (GlossyNews) — Democratic National Committee campaign strategists are rushing today to explain the unexpectedly strong showing by Republican Scott Brown in the Massachusetts special election to fill the seat of the late Senator Edward Kennedy.

Republic pundits and party insiders are quick to call the surprisingly strong showing by Brown a referendum on nationalized health care, and the performance of the Obama Administration, in general. However, Democratic insiders dismiss these claims, charging the election and polling results are more “a reflection on the local character of this race,” rather than an indicator of 2010 mid-term election results. Read the full story


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U. Alabama Alums Seek Nickname Change from ‘Bama to ‘Bamma

A Petition has been circulating among Alumni of the University of Alabama to change the popular ‘Bama nickname to ‘Bamma due to conflicts that are arising from having a President named Obama.

The reason for this requested change, as set forth in the petition, is that the name ‘Bama when mis-pronounced by most as Bah-mah, sounds too similar to Obama. Read the full story


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Paliens Infiltrate Sarah Palin Events to Undermine Conservatives

Little is known about the group calling itself “Paliens” but sources have indicated that they are a group of clairvoyants who are secretly infiltrating Sarah Palin events and using their supernatural powers to alter the intelligence of Palin herself to undermine the chances of the conservative party picking up any further senate seats in 2010. It is believed that the Paliens are part of a larger, more universal group that goes by the name “Libertaliens.” Read the full story


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Catholics Refuse To Recognize Ronald Reagan As A Saint

The Catholic Church today rejected the Republican Party’s attempt to have Ronald Reagan canonized as a saint. The Republicans have been striving for some time to win over the Church to their viewpoint of Reagan as being divine, but the Catholics have rejected their proposal on the following grounds:

A. Reagan was not a Catholic. Everyone knows that only Catholics can be saints. Read the full story


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Debating Progressives

Question: With the CRU files leak, do you still believe the climate science is not settled?

Response: You (expletive deleted) son of a (expletive deleted). Did you learn that from Glenn Beck? That (expletive deleted). Anybody who can’t see the science is settled is a flat earther. Are you stupid? No, I don’t have any facts to back up my argument. However, I do have a copy of the IPCC report that I use as a door stop and I watched Al Gore win the Oscar. Read the full story


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Conservatives Shift From ‘Compassionate’ to ‘Cold-blooded’ Conservatism

The Republicans, still smarting from their losses in the 2008 elections, have taken a new stance. Gone are the Bush I and II philosophies of ‘Compassionate Conservatism’. The new motto is ‘Cold-Blooded Conservatism’. This new attitude will focus on further crushing the working and middle class with less rights and diminished wages, which they’ve been doing anyway, just now they won’t smile and pretend they aren’t anymore. Read the full story


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Senate Democrats Should be Sent to Reform School

In the wake of the systematic butchering of the Senate version of the health care reform bill almost single-handedly by Sen. Joe Lieberman (Dem/Ind/Rep/Lib-CN), it has been suggested that not only Lieberman, but all Democrats should be sent to Reform School to learn the meaning of the word reform.

Let’s review. According to several sources, including the latest census polls, approximately 47 million, or roughly 1 out of 3 Americans, are without health insurance in this country. Read the full story


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House GOP Deny Irrelevancy: “Bull Nipples Would be VERY Useful”

Washington, DC: Congressional Republicans reacted angrily today at accusations of abject incompetence and political irrelevance from both within and outside the party. Republican leaders denied their perceived lack of any direction for the country in terms of ideas or policies was actually their “greatest strength.” Read the full story


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