Trumpisms 3.0: Worse & Worser, Curiouser & Curiouser!

Trump Toupee

ED: Does anybody like sick jokes? Or at least sick jokes about sick jokes? Well here’s a double bill of twisted Trump humor! Don’t forget instalments one and two as well…

Trumpisms 3.0 by Richard Seltzer

Adderall

72

Impeachment is a matter of idiotology.

Republicans are making idiotological arguments,

And Democrats are trying to remove the idiot from office.

 

73

The five of us were playing cards

in a cafe in Kiev,

and Trump was wild.

 

74

Terms of plurality —

a pride of lions

a murder of crows

a gaggle of geese

a giggle of Trumpites.

 

75

Doctors told Trump he needed a bypass.

So he bought a construction company

and had them build one around Mar-a-Lago

 

76

Historians will refer to this period of American History

as the Muddle Ages

 

77

Sondland hired Socrates as his attorney,

and Socrates advised —

“Save thine ass.

Do not make thyself one.”

 

78

Shakespeare reporting on impeachment hearings:

“A quid pro quo by any other name would stink as bad.”

“Did you dance with the bribe-to-be?”

“Out! Out! Damned ambassador!”

“Friends, Ukrainians, lend me your favors, though.”

 

79

Nunez’ role in the impeachment hearings —

the witless confronting the witness.

 

80

Thanks to Trump,

the bald-faced liar

is now the national emblem.

 

81

Congress held a bridge tournament.

They refused to do the President’s bidding.

And the winning hand made seven

No Trump.

 

82

Trump’s autobiography

My Life

as an Open Crook

 

83

Trump is hoping to become a lie-down comedian

when he retires from politics.

In preparation, he’s practicing his lies

and getting laughed at all over the world.

 

84

McConnell, Graham, Kennedy, Nunes, Jordan

all belong to the

follow wing

of the Republican Party.

But it’s hard to fly with only one wing.

ED: I’ve added a few wacky Trump jokes as well, just for skids ‘n’ giggles!

Trumpisms 3.1 by Wallace Runnymede

85
Trump is a real upstanding member of society. His member has stood up many times in private society!

86
Trump is the towering statesman of the age. His towers get him state favors from all over the world!

87
Trump said he is the Chosen One, and who are we to disagree? It sure sounds like SOMEBODY chose him! Nothing in life happens by accident.

88
Trump voters aren’t bothered he said he was the ‘Second Coming of God.’ The First Commandment says you must have no other Gods BEFORE me! It didn’t say anything about afterwards!

89
Trump is commonly accused of bearing false witness. This is obviously fake news, because he generally can’t bear witnesses at all!

90
Trump doesn’t lie, he just offers us a diversity of truths.

91
Trump only promised to drain the swamp, he never promised it would stay empty! You know what they say about high expectations!

92
Trump’s favorite Bond movie is said to be ‘From Russia With Love,’ but this is fake news. It’s actually ‘Live and Let Die,’ as Jeff Epstein found out to his cost!

Author: Richard Seltzer

Now a publisher of electronic books, I worked for DEC, the minicomputer company, for 19 years, as writer, marketing consultant, and "Internet Evangelist." I graduated from Yale, with a major in English, and earned an MA from the U. of Mass. at Amherst in Comparative Literature (French, Russian, and German). At Yale, I had creative writing courses with Robert Penn Warren and Joseph Heller. Personal web site (with over 1000 documents) http://www.seltzerbooks.com My published works include: The Name of Hero, historical novel (Houghton Mifflin) Ethiopia Through Russian Eyes, translation from the Russian (Red Sea Press) "...the most important book on the history of eastern Africa to have been published for a century...." Old Africa The Lizard of Oz satiric fantasy, "An intriguing and very entertaining little novel" Library Journal The AltaVista Search Revolution, the first consumer book about search engines (McGraw-Hill) "indispensable" Library Journal, Winner of the Distinguished Technical Communication Award, the highest award given by the Society for Technical Communication Publications. Web Business Bootcamp (Wiley) Complete list at http://seltzerbooks.com/books/seltzer.html Follow me on Twitter! @SeltzerBooks