Tag Archive | "psychology"

Newborn Could Face up to 75 Years


According to sources, newborn Daniel Briggs could face up to 75 years.

For the duration of his sentence, he is to live in an environment where people are known to be arbitrarily cruel, outrageously hypocritical and condemn others on the basis of race, lifestyle, gender, nationality, beliefs and status.

During his stretch, Briggs is likely to get the idea that he will be better off if he succumbs to the pressure of participating in a ritual to swear allegiance to others, namely to one person for the rest of his life. Read the full story

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Posted in SocietyComments (8)

Family Unsure If Passive Aggressive Man Likes Being Called Pam


His hair is as blue as the state in which he grew up and, by all accounts, as equally impressive.

Jim Ballsinger–brother, son, lover, web forum coordinator–recently returned from his daily therapy session in seemingly high spirits.

“Oh, that’s right, the interview thing,” said Jim, apparently caught off guard by our presence. “No, it’s perfect timing. Really, no problem. I just need to go take my afternoon dump and I’ll be right with you.” Read the full story

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Posted in Society, Strange PeopleComments (0)

Sociologists Claim Geniuses Will Take Over World by 2040


Psychologists have recently discovered a disturbing strain of statistically abnormal humans living among us. Allegedly, these genetic mutants have advanced intelligence with I.Q.’s towering as much as 80 points above the rest of us normal people. They have been tentatively dubbed “geniuses.”

At this point it is not clear whether the geniuses were engineered by a diabolical Frankenstein somewhere, or if perhaps, they just sprang up from the depths of chaos theory. Read the full story

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Posted in Human InterestComments (1)

Radical New Self-Help Book Has Readers Beating Themselves Up


A new self-help book by previously unknown psychiatrist and author, Dom N. Adeur, Ph.D. is quickly making its way up the NY Times Bestseller List. It’s OK to Smack Your Inner Child has been hailed by Dr. Adeur’s peers as a ‘breakthrough book for adults who have nowhere else to turn but inside.’

Dr. Adeur explains that for too long, we’ve allowed our inner child to take control of our adult lives. In his book, Adeur often calls his inner child a “brat who needs a serious spanking.” Read the full story

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Human InterestComments (0)

Drug-Induced Lobotomy Offers Hope for Stress-Plagued Society


Stress is the number one mental problem plaguing society today. Stress can lead to obesity, anorexia, suicide, and color T.V. Did you know that there has been a 20% increase of stress-related spontaneous combustion in April 2011 due only to rumors of Whoopi Goldberg leaving The View? Read the full story

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Posted in Health, ScienceComments (3)

New Study Proves Americans are Highly Pissed Off


A British team of doctors recently developed a color wheel that they say can be used to determine if mood affects color choice. The wheel, known as the “Manchester Color Wheel” (they obviously were spent after the research and could only muster a rather generic name for their invention), is comprised of a spectrum of colors on a wheel, and subjects were asked to point to the color that best described their mood. The study group consisted of 300 healthy subjects and around 220 subjects suffering from some type of anxiety or depression. Read the full story

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Tiger Woods Still Wants Sex


After spending six weeks in the Gentle Path rehabilitation center near Hattiesburg, Mississippi, where he was treated for chronic sexual addiction, Tiger Woods apparently still craves sex, according to sources.

“Tiger’s wife, Elin Nordegren, came to pick him up from the clinic,” an unnamed clinician told Glossy News. “She was looking pretty hot and it appeared to me that he had a boner! Either that or he was trying to smuggle a huge banana out in his pocket!”

Woods was not allowed to have sex of any sort at the clinic. Even masturbation was forbidden. Read the full story

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Posted in Celebrity GossipComments (2)

Psychologists Work to Help Celebs Struggling with Gorgeous Wives


Rising to meet the current celebrity fiasco involving extra-marital affairs, Hollywood based Psychological Resources group has set up a new service to aid those stars who are unable to keep their sexual organs within the family sphere of things. Starting a group called “What the Hell Is Wrong with You? Don’t You Know How Good You Got It?” it will attempt to make it clear to interned celebrities that they have it sexually about as well as you can ever get it. Read the full story

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Posted in EntertainmentComments (0)

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