Tag Archive | "Donald Trump"

Dear American Refugees, Welcome to Canada


Greetings, American Refugees,

On behalf of the people of Canada, we would like to welcome you to our country. We hope you’ll enjoy your stay. We’re starting to worry about your nation’s apparent complete psychological breakdown. You were doing so well these past eight years with President Obama.

He seemed like an awfully nice fellow. We’re not really sure what has caused your country to go off the rails, but as we’ve watched your presidential election primary coverage, it appears millions of your fellow Americans have gone utterly bonkers. Read the full story

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Thoughts That Need To Be Thunk About For 2016


Thoughts That Need To Be Thunk About For 2016

If Donald Trump wins the Presidential election he will consider all of us to be ‘losers’.

If the Occupiers of the wildlife refuge took over the land there, wouldn’t they probably shoot all the ducks? Read the full story

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4K Glossy News Podcast 032 (2-29-16)


Despite having my office burglarized and almost all of my production gear stolen, the podcast is back with even more original than ever before.

All of this is available in UHD on YouTube by searching “Glossy Podcast” or as an MP3 on iTunes by searching “Glossy News”.

Here are the topics covered in the the February 29th, 2016 4K/UHD podcast.

* The tip from a wise old man on how to live a happy life with a happy wife.

* LED bulbs may never get cheap because they just live too long. How can they make money into the future if they last 20 years?

* A followup on why Amazon Prime is/isn’t a good deal, and why you definitely should/shouldn’t pay for it. All from experience I’ve learned the hard way.

* The problem with Trump has less to do with his policies than it does with his supporters.

* How to avoid ruining your relationship with your kids if you ever end up divorced. Some huge dos and don’ts.

Listen to it



Or you can download it by right-clicking and selecting “save as” right here. It’s also available on iTunes.

Watch it on YouTube



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Segment bumpers and background music by Greg the Hero. Royalty Free Music “Your Call” and “Funkorama” by Kevin MacLeod — Incompetech.com. 4K/UHD Backgrounds by Amitai Angor AA VFX www.youtube.com/dvdangor2011.

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My Spirited Defense of Donald Trump


Donald Trump is a great American. In the past nine months, he has done a masterful job of uniting millions of Americans from all different backgrounds – admittedly mostly by uniting them in their deep hatred and fear of Donald Trump. But that’s simply because they’ve not gotten to know him the way I have.

If only he had more TV exposure, then people would see the light. Read the full story

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Muslims Couldn’t Care Less About Trump’s Edgy Religious Conversions


Donald Trump has recently decided to further alienate Muslims by staging a controversial religious conversion.

Or rather, a whole sevenfold string of counterfeit conversions. However, his plan appears to have backfired.

Trump decided to convert to the Baha’i, Yazidi, Mandaean, Druze, Ahmadiyya Muslim, Zoroastrian and Babi faiths.

Read the full story

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Til Death Hairdo Us Part: Trump’s Hair Speaks at Condom Conference


Warren, Michigan – Donald Trump’s body may no longer be a living entity, but his hair, a combination of locks, tresses and curls, continues to carry on the great legacy of the man who will forever be known as the front-runner of the 2016 presidential election until he succumbed to death in a game of Battleship against Nancy Pelosi last week. Trump’s hair most recently spoke at the Chris Christie Condom Conference held on Friday afternoon that was sponsored by Republican Chris Christie’s presidential campaign. Trump and Christie, competitors in the upcoming election, remained close friends and were together at the time of his passing.

“Donald was always a fan of safe sex,” Trump’s hair stated as it magically floated like a butterfly on the stage at the popular Riverside Theater on Elm Street. Regarded as “Mr. Trump,” the hair has continued to run business as usual, following in the footsteps of its longtime host and owner. “He had the same answer for ISIS as he did for keeping sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) at bay. Put a highly durable latex coating over it,” Mr. Trump added, while pointing to a poster on the wall behind him containing the fifty shades of great condoms. Read the full story

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Donald Trump Dead


WASHINGTON, DC – Nancy Pelosi delivered a devastating blow to the Republican Party Monday afternoon by defeating leading Presidential candidate, Donald Trump, in a fierce game of Battleship that ended with Pelosi sinking Trump’s aircraft carrier. With a call of C-8, an overshadowing Pelosi gazed directly into the eyes of the man who has disrupted the lives of all other politicians since his campaign was officially launched on June 16, 2015.

“Back off Warchild, seriously.” Pelosi quoted Bodhi from her favorite movie Point Break that was recently remade and released on Christmas Day. However, Pelosi favors the original film that was released in 1991 and stars Hollywood hot-shot, Keanu Reeves and the late Patrick Swayze.

“Oh, that Patrick,” Pelosi gently murmured to reporters from the chair in which she killed the American business magnate whose hair was styled in the shape of a rabid cat to scare his opponent. “This was a battle won at the hands of Milton Bradley for the American People. We have rid the Presidential pool of Donald Trump!” Pelosi violently shouted with a continuous surge in energy, finishing her short speech standing up in her chair. Read the full story

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Clinton & Bush Condemn Trump for Upstaging the Good Guys


The Clinton and Bush Dynasties have released a joint mutual solidarity statement condemning Trump’s recent (allegedly) divisive populist policies…

As exclusively revealed on Glossy News over the course of the past 48 hours.

 

This typically balanced and dispassionate artefact of radical political performance theatre reads as follows: Read the full story

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Latest Populist Policies Carrying Trump to Victory (2/2)


4. BAN STUPID MUSIC FROM CLUBS!!! 

Why can’t we just have the clubs play proper music that you can actually dance and sing to? Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, I mean, hell, even Creedence Clearwater Revival, just throwing that one out there!

I mean, I couldn’t care less, but we just have to do something! How much longer are the American people gonna have to put up with this?

You know what, you’re sick and tired of it, I’m sick and tired of it too. Let’s put an end to this and put a stop to all this pathetic, ridiculous music, once and for all! Freedom of speech doesn’t mean your stupid tunes have to be heard by just about everyone! That’s not what America is all about!

(Sheesh! That ‘freedom of speech demands accountability’ schtick sounded like a Clinton thing, right? Well, I’ve given money to Democrats too. You know, I’m not a dogmatic kinda guy!)

Read the full story

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Latest Populist Policies Carrying Trump to Victory (1/2)


The Trump is on a roll. For, as even George W Bush himself admits: ‘The unstoppable rise of Donald Trump looks pretty much unstoppable by now!’

But how has Trump managed to maintain momentum? Well, here are a few contentious and highly populist policies that have recently helped Trump gain even more headway against such widely renowned Notable-Public-Figures as Jeb Bush, John Kasich and Chris Christie.

1. BAN STUPID ANIMAL VIDEOS!!!

Everybody hates this crap, right? Donald Trump will make sure no-one, BUT NO-ONE ever tortures you with this crap again!

So, upon a first offence of filming a video of dancing rabbits or marginally intelligent guinea pigs, complete with infuriating sound effects, the punishment is as follows. Read the full story

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The Great Trump’s First Day As President.


Dolly Darling, the President’s Secretary, excitedly and fearfully puts the finishing touches to the Oval Office, the new lair of her boss Donald Trump. He would be here shortly and she knows all too well how critical he is that everything should be perfect., or at least perfect as Donald Trump sees it. She knocks some lint off the large velvet rendition of Elvis in day glow colors in full rocker mode when he was still young and svelte. It hangs where the portrait of Thomas Jefferson used to. Read the full story

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Coca-Cola Resurrects 1889 Advertising Campaign by Adding Coke


ATLANTA, GA – Every fan of Coca-Cola was jumping with joy on Friday morning as the beverage behemoth’s first round of new TV ads hit the airwaves featuring a new message intended to boost sales of its beverages, which have taken a hit from competition over the last two years.

For those that have not had the opportunity to witness the 47-second commercial. It features the President of Coca-Cola North America, J. Alexander M. Douglas, Jr., explaining the details. “In these technologically advanced times, it is important for all established companies to remember where they came from, and that is why Coca-Cola is bringing back its original 1889 message that every Coca-Cola product will contain coke.” Read the full story

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Donald Trump Thanks Glossy News for Our Unwavering Support


I recently did my bit for Donald Trump on The Spoof. But I’m continuing to support him by reprinting my article here! You’ll see in a moment why I’m doing this 😉

Donald Trump has recently expressed his heartfelt gratitude to every single goddamn satire writer on the face of this earth. But why? Well, I think you already know…

Hey! Listen up, you poor, miserable, deluded little satire writers. You guys thought you could make fun of the old Trump here, you thought I was just like all the other guys, right? Read the full story

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Trumpenstein Horror Now Threatens Republicans


A Rathskeller deep in the forested woods. Night has drawn its blackest curtain across the outer world, blocking out even the niggardly light from the stars.

Rain hammers against the windows and lightning cackles in the air.

A troupe of men with faces that seek the shadows meet in a corner booth away from the gazes of the other inn patrons.

They speak in cautious whispers that they wish no other ears to intrude upon: Read the full story

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Iowa State Fair Exhibits True Nature Of Politics by Having Presidential Candidates Penned up.


This year’s crop of Presidential weeds….. er… candidates made their appearance this week at the traditional show case starting gate for the quad yearly election- the Iowa State Fair. This time in a stock pen.

All the hopefuls vying for the so-called honor of being chosen the Commander in Chief of the entire United States were herded into a fenced off pen in one of the livestock barns and put on display. Read the full story

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Hey Kids: Make Your Own ‘Trump for President’ Bumper Stickers


Hey Kids! Have Some Fun Cutting Out These ‘Trump For President’ Bumper Stickers!!!

Here is what you need for a little summer fun! Just print off these patriotic bumper stickers, snitch a pair of scissors and some glue from your mom when she isn’t looking and have a blast pasting them all over cars in your neighborhood!

What better way to spend a summer day!

What better way to experience juvenile detention at an early age!

Think of all the no-fun you’ll have!

CHUMP FOR PRESIDENT!!
(NO, IT IS SPELLED RIGHT)

PAID FOR BY DEMOCRATS MESSING WITH THE
REPUBLICAN PARTY.

MAKE LIFE BETTER FOR
THE 1%!
VOTE TRUMP!!!!!!!!!

BRING WORLD WAR III IN
WITH A BANG!!!!!!!
TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!!!

VOTE DONALD TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT!!!

Keep the political satirists and cartoonists
employed for the next four years!

MAKE AMERICA SAFE FOR THE OLIGARCHY!
MAKE TRUMP THE MAN!!!!!!

PROVE TO THE WORLD THAT IN THE U.S.
ANYONE THROUGH SHEER ARROGANCE
AND AGGRESSIVENESS CAN BECOME PRESIDENT

VOTE TRUMP!!!

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