Unhinged randy Kool Aid bandits Donald J. Trump and Joe Biden have decided to bury their proverbial/Freudian hatchets, although probably not in each others backs at least!
Here is their hysterically intelligent and flamboyantly hi-energy guide to Tinder seduction.
No astroturf, no bussing in, just sheer unadulterated grassroots rock ‘n’ roll, with 100% un-FAKE rave reviews all round!
1. Change ‘No Drama’ to ‘Pro Drama.’
2. Change ‘Deleting this at the weekend’ to ‘Never deleting this ever.’
3. Change ‘No feminists please’ to ‘No gender traitors with internalised misogyny.’
4. Change ‘No fuckboys please’ to ‘I-don’t-give-a-flying-fuck-boys only please.’
5. Change ‘Where are have all the real men gone’ to ‘Where have all the dudes I buried under the patio gone?’
6. Change ‘Sex Positive’ to ‘Zinc-deprived Onanist in serious need of affirmation from someone who doesn’t have the slightest clue about the existence of randy rando virtue signalling.’
7. Change ‘No Tories please’ to ‘I really, really, really need a shag.’
8. Change ‘No goddamn Mexicans and illegals… this is America, love it or leave it!’ to ‘Why do they hate us so much?’
9. Change ‘I’m a really, REALLY nice guy! Why won’t bitches answer my profile!’ to ‘Stay away from Zinkies. BTW, what do you think about exhibit A!’
10. Change ‘No shallow or superficial people please’ to ‘Yup, still a zinky!’
11. Change ‘Can’t believe I’m still a virgin at this age, anybody care to assist me in this baneful predicament’ to ‘Aaaaaaaaaaaand, another zinky!’
12. Change ‘Pineapple belongs on pizza’ to ‘Oh God I hope these people know about memes, maybe if I throw in a Pepe reference they will like me, I’m like so down with the latest trends…. HEY BITCH WHERE’S YOUR DEGREE?????’
13. ‘Currently trying to come to terms with my privilege, any of you ladies wanna help me out here?’ to ‘I pay BIG money for women to wipe my a$$, howbowdah sweetheart?!’
14. Change ‘No Russian bots’ to ‘I’m a racist POS but it’s OK, at least I didn’t vote for one!’
15. Change ‘Almost certainly not a catfish’ to ‘Aaaaaand the most original joke in Silicon Valley history goes to…!’
16. Change ‘Hey juschillin’ here to see what’s goin’ down ladies, no NSA please!’ to ‘I really, really, REALLY need my dick sucked so damn bad! PWEEEEEEZE don’t make me go to the Red Light District, it’s against my morals! :(((((((((((’