Search Results for: cnn
Trump Unsure Why “Crime” is Actually a Crime
President select Donald Trump has admitted to obstruction of justice and collusion, both of which are crimes, but asked Sean Hannity in a phone interview, “Why are those crimes? I mean, nothing else I do is a crime.”
Fire and Fury – Inside the Early Trump Years
Unless you’re in a coma – or your name is Baron Trump – you’ve no doubt heard about Michael Wolff’s bombshell tell-all book, FIRE AND FURY – INSIDE THE TRUMP WHITE HOUSE. On its release day, F&F sold out in…
CIA Hymnbook: Government Beatitudes (VII)
Blessed are the poor in Syria, For our planes shall hurl down hellfire. Blessed are those in Mosul, For they shall be cremated.
Trump Should Attack Russia to Take Heat off RussiaGate Scandal, Experts Say
WASHINGTON – Politicians and media pundits from both political perspectives have called on President Trump to attack Russia as soon as possible to prove once and for all that he is not colluding with Russia. “The only way for Trump…
Mainstream News Anchor Proves he Understands Trump’s Presidency by Repeatedly Punching Himself in Face
Dateline: ATLANTA—A newly hired news anchor at CNN, Guy Hoogetsit, has criticized his colleagues at the cable news station for failing to understand the point of Donald Trump’s election, and maintains that the only way for members of the corporate…
News Channel Treats Politics as Theater
Dateline: NY CITY—Under the auspices of Europe’s Postmodern Media Group, American entrepreneur Roy Havalaff is launching a cable political news channel that will assume no politician is capable of honesty.
George Bush Senior Apologizes for Not Touching as Many Women as Bill Clinton
Shrivelled Wall Street Walnut and former Warmonger-in-Chief George Bush Senior has recently issued a third sexual harassment apology. The first one was in relation to his alleged grope of Heather Lind.
Bounties of Liberty
I was sleeping on an airport bench and was rudely awoken by a wall-mounted television screen playing a CNN interview with an American politician. I had to scramble to avoid being infected by the politico’s anticommunication and hit my head…
Jake Tapper Softballs Evil Werewolf Who Just Ate His Entire Neighborhood (H/T Benjamin Cain)
Hot on the heels of a recent tragedy where Jimmy Fallon let a serial killer murder his guests live on TV, rival softball emperor Jake Tapper has made a fairly serious blunder too.
Consumer Protection Law Humbles American Politicians & Mass Media
Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C.—After Congress passed a law mandating that large American organizations report the average of their polled approval rating in their public statements, the White House, Congress, and the mainstream media stumbled in attempting to conduct their business. There…