Lady Gaga May be Getting Married or Not
In a surprise turn of events, Lady Gaga today denied rumors that she was getting married, but hinted that she probably would get married. Those close to her say that she is contradicting herself as a way to throw off…
Go Ahead, Drop the F-Bomb; It’s the Easy Way Out
Can’t find the right word? Stifled when the cretin ahead of you in the “Express Lane” is paying for a full shopping cart with a Ziploc of Canadian coins? You’re not alone. There’s a shortage shredding the very polyester fiber…
Almost 20 Tons of Unwanted Drugs Turned in to DEA
For the second year in a row, the DEA has organized a drug take-back initiative event at 6 sites throughout New England to collect unused prescription medications from those residents who no longer want or need them. Unfortunately, just like…
Statusbook Saves Facebookers Time by Forcing “Like” Updates
MISSOULA, MT—A new website has made it even easier for Facebook members to update their status through a rating system that allows members to test their updates before posting them. Members who are too brain dead from lurking on the…
Drug-Induced Lobotomy Offers Hope for Stress-Plagued Society
Stress is the number one mental problem plaguing society today. Stress can lead to obesity, anorexia, suicide, and color T.V. Did you know that there has been a 20% increase of stress-related spontaneous combustion in April 2011 due only to…
Obama Boldly Removes Aioli Spreads from White House Menu
WASHINGTON DC—In an effort to prove that decreasing the U.S. deficit will require shared sacrifices, President Obama announced on Tuesday that he will eliminate aioli spreads from the White House Menu. “Let me be clear. We are not limiting these…
Bumper Crop of Medical Marijuana Expected in White House Garden
Thanks to a wet and mild spring in the nation’s capital this year, a bumper crop of medical marijuana is expected in the White House garden. Tommy Chong, chief Japanese gardener, (no relation to that other Tommy Chong) claims the…
Local Cat Blames Indoor Lifestyle for Catnip Addiction
BURLINGTON, VT—Yesterday, neighborhood cat, Nella Watson, revealed that she’s finally on the road to recovery after a long battle with Catnip Abuse. When asked what started her addiction to what’s colloquially referred to as “Nip” in the Feline community, Nella…
Darkness Therapy May Increase Depression in World’s Happiest Country
DENMARK (Glossynews.com International) –A new study currently underway in Denmark could prove that prolonged exposure to darkness may improve symptoms of merriment and cheer in people who are “entirely too happy.” While the evidence is inconclusive, researchers say that the…