Thanks to a wet and mild spring in the nation’s capital this year, a bumper crop of medical marijuana is expected in the White House garden. Tommy Chong, chief Japanese gardener, (no relation to that other Tommy Chong) claims the plants have started taking over the entire garden.
“This is the first year we decided to grow cannabis in the herb section of the garden,” says Chong “and it’s taking over the place. We’ve got some plants reaching the 2-foot height already and this is only May. We tried cutting the plants back to allow the other herbs to grow, but it just seems to create a stronger plant. The damn things are like those Tribbles in Star Trek. You can’t get rid of them.”
Chong added, half jokingly, “I suspect one of the gardening interns has been sneaking extra plant food to the pot plants to make sure they live long and prosper.”
News of an over-abundant crop of marijuana coming out of the White House garden has already created quite a buzz in medical marijuana circles around the country. Requests are pouring in from dozens of dispensaries inquiring what the White House intends to do with all that weed and offering to take the majority of it off their hands.
Bud Wilkins, who runs the Acme Collective in Sacramento, California, says that as soon as he heard there would be a bumper crop of Maui Waui ready for cultivation later this summer, he jumped on the horn to the White House spokesperson in charge of the project asking for a hand out.
“I remember reading somewhere that the White House issued a statement earlier in the year saying that the pot would not be distributed to local dispensaries. That damn near brought tears to my eyes,” said Wilkins. “I figured since we’re not local, I had to give it a shot.”
Several groups from California, Colorado and Oregon have put in bids as well to try and get some of the primo pot to hand out to their patients. Mary Bridges, official spokesperson for the pet pot project at the White House says she sees no reason why the bumper crop shouldn’t be distributed to those in need of it. “Now all we have to do is sell the President on the idea,” she said.
Bridges surmised that it wouldn’t be much of a problem at all convincing the President and First Lady to distribute the pot to those who need it the most. “After all,” she said, “he has pretty much proven he’ll do just about anything to make sure Americans get the best of everything when it comes to health care.”