Category: World News
CEO Ben Linus Says Malaysia Flight 370 Swallowed Up By Smoke Monster
On Monday in Tunis, Tunisia, Ben Linus, CEO of The Dharma Initiative International, issued the following press release claiming the ill fated flight was accidentally swallowed up by an intergalactic black hole. “Fifty thousand years ago a consortium of advanced…
Doctor Who Claims Responsibility For Malaysia Flight 370
At a press conference Sunday at BBC headquarters in London, Gallifreyan Time Lord Doctor Who claimed missing Malaysia Flight 370 is with him. “I landed the TARDIS in flight and asked the passengers and flight crew if they would like to…
Putin Invades Coney Island To Help Russians Living There
Russian President Vladimir Putin has sent Russian troops into Coney Island, a part of Brighton Beach, New York, that has a large immigrant Russian population. Swarming ashore from submarines that covertly approached the beach, they quickly took over all government…
White House Claims WMDs Found In Crimea
In a stunning announcement at Wednesday mornings press briefing, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney announced WMDs have been discovered in the Crimean peninsula. “The CIA has determined and it has been confirmed through British Intelligence that convoys of Russian…
Canadians Urge Ukrainians to seek Peace Through Dullness!
Backed by a majority of Canadians, the Canadian government has passed a resolution urging Ukrainians to stop fighting and to handle their internal conflict by being more boring like the Canadians. Ukraine is split between ethnic Russians in the eastern…
Putin Sets World Record For Quickest Change Of Face In Political History
Vladimir (the Vampire ) Putin, still glowing from the success of the Winter Olympic Games in Sochi, Russia, has suddenly shown his darker side of the Force by invading and taking over the Crimea, a vital peninsula of his supposed…
Canadians Urge Ukrainians to Seek Peace through Dullness
Dateline: OTTAWA—Backed by a majority of Canadians, the Canadian government has passed a resolution urging Ukrainians to stop fighting and to handle their internal conflict by being more boring, like Canadians.
Strange Hieroglyphics Found on Russian Meteorite
Chelyabinsk, Russia – Scientists have located a large chunk of the Chelyabinsk meteorite that came crashing down in Siberia on February 15, causing injuries in this small village in the Ural region of Russia. The fragment was recovered from Lake…
North/South Korea Talks Falter, Cancel Family Reunion
High level negotiations establishing a reunion for separated families in North and South Korea broke down Wednesday over a miscommunication on venue. After several weeks it was believed representatives had agreed to hold the event at Disney World this August…
Tea Party Calls for Deportation Of Illegal South African Minors
In a rare show of solidarity, three major Tea Party groups have come together and issued a joint statement calling for the arrest and deportation of illegal minors in South Africa. “Illegals are law breaking free loaders who steal jobs…