I may be an Eton toff peddling lard and vaseline
But now I’m full of vanilla sherbet and the only way I see
Is to make sure I make a killing of all who oppose my party line
And ban letterboxes
She says my fucks are disappointing
But I think that I should warn her
That my spiffing reign of crazy
Now is just around the corner
In the European Union
A Cognac Queen is crying
A tank-topped Belgian kiddiespaffer’s constantly reminded
That we’ve had our fill of experts and we’ll give them merry hell
From the first Big Ben pealing!
I’m in my gaff in Westminster and the only noise I hear
Is lefty tank-topped bum boys
Piccaninnies and watermelon beer
Wait is someone asking questions?
Let’s make sure we treat ’em right
And give them 15 seconds of verbal from our speechwriters
Mixing graft and politics I ask them what the use is
Of idly lamenting Southern wankers and their myriad abuses
While looking at the television and
Oh darling! Fleet Street now are waiting
Is this finally MY Great Leap Forward?
Stripping sales are organised and notices are posted
Even when the cocaine’s run done we’ve still piggies to be roasted
You can be a Cayman wanker’s activist or sleeping with the fishes…
Oh I’m a spaffed up cokehead Eton twat
Will politics give me the sack?
Waiting for MY Great Leap Forward!
Here comes their future, they just can’t run from it
If you’ve got a piggie rump I just want to bum it
It’s a mighty tight way up a piglet’s hole
From PMQT to smashing grams on the dole
If no-one ever understands
I’ll start my own revolution and dial a secret hit on the taxman
In a perfect country we’d all sing in tune
But I’m a pigfucking coke-snorting spaffer loon
So join the farmyard orgy today
WAITING FOR MY GREAT SPAFF FORWARD!
Originally published on Medium.