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2012 – The Year in Review, Part 2: July – December

2012 – The Year in Review, Part 2: July – December

We continue this week with Part II of Glossy News’ Annual Year in Review for 2012. If you missed Part I, don’t worry, you didn’t miss much. But you can check it out here. Let’s continue now with the Year in Review. Don’t skip ahead to December and spoil the surprise ending, okay?

July: The world becomes glued to their TV sets as the London Olympic Games take center stage. The Games’ most memorable moment comes during its Opening Ceremonies, when Queen Elizabeth makes a spectacular parachuting entrance into the stadium. Continue Reading

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2012 – The Year in Review, Part 1: January – June

2012 – The Year in Review, Part 1: January – June

As has been the proud tradition of this prestigious news publication since 1975, it is time for Glossy News’ Annual Year in Review for 2012, where we look back at the important news stories of the past twelve months that you missed because you were too busy playing Resident Evil 6 on your PlayStation 3.

In Part I of this two-part special report, we cover January through June. We’ve got a lot to cover, so let’s get started. Continue Reading

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Heartwarming Story Emerges out of Massacre in Sudan

Heartwarming Story Emerges out of Massacre in Sudan

While unearthing a mass grave in the South of Sudan, a country where religious division fuels an ethnic cleansing that provides a bloody front for a resource war, a Red Cross forensics worker found a puppy, alive among the remains of the murdered Sudanese Villagers.

It was during final stages of corpse inventory, assigning a gender and age to each body for statistical analysis needed for fund raising campaigns, when excavator Lois Cambridge heard a whimper. After the bodies were cleared away, the puppy was found, emaciated, wounded and clinging to life in the knee-deep sludge of decaying human viscera. Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News1 Comment

‘Over 150 Survivors Were Trapped Inside The Titanic For Up To 5 Years,’ Claims Naval Expert

‘Over 150 Survivors Were Trapped Inside The Titanic For Up To 5 Years,’ Claims Naval Expert

Woods Hole, MA – (SatireWorld.com) – After reviewing almost 5,000 digital photographs taken from inside the sunken luxury liner the Titanic, a Woods Hole scientist has concluded that there were survivors who lived inside the ship for up to five years after it slipped beneath the waves on April 14th, 1912. Continue Reading

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Posted in Travel, World News4 Comments

Arafat’s Body Missing

Arafat’s Body Missing

Ramallah, Occupied West Bank – Scientists and legal experts from Switzerland, France and Russia were shocked today to discover Yassar Arafat’s body missing from his tomb in Ramallah. The international community struggled to come up with a theory about what happened to the body short of miraculous resurrection. Continue Reading

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Posted in World News5 Comments

Hamas: Weapons are being smuggled into Israel

Hamas: Weapons are being smuggled into Israel

The Hamas government in Gaza is charging that weapons are being smuggled into Israel. “We are doing our best to blockade Israel and prevent everything except low-nutrition food and minimal medical supplies from entering,” said spokesperson Jehad al-Muqawama “but regardless of our efforts, they are still getting dangerous weapons that are being used to attack us. Continue Reading

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The Budding U.S.-al-Qaeda Reconciliation

The Budding U.S.-al-Qaeda Reconciliation

The US and al-Qaeda find themselves on the same side again. Ayman al-Zawarhiri, the top leader of al-Qaeda has issued a call for a religious war against Syria, as has Hilary Clinton, the US Secretary of State. I caught up with them at an undisclosed high security location where the food is kosher and the hosts are supportive of regime change in Syria.

RIGHT: al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri and U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton meet in a secret location several months prior to the 2012 U.S. elections. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Continue Reading

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Ex-Romania Dictator Nicolae Ceausescu & Wife’s Bodies Exhumed, Fed Dinner, Re-buried

Ex-Romania Dictator Nicolae Ceausescu & Wife’s Bodies Exhumed, Fed Dinner, Re-buried

Bucharest,Romania – (SatireWorld.Com)

Ruthless communist era dictator Nicolae Ceausescu and his wife were hastily exhumed today in order to give them their annual dinner of roasted potatoes and salt. Every year since their summary execution on Christmas Day 1989, the bodies have been dug up, fed, additional DNA gathered, and the bodies re-buried as required by a 1990 governmental order. Continue Reading

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Blockbuster Book Reveals Adolf Hitler’s Most Personal Moments

Blockbuster Book Reveals Adolf Hitler’s Most Personal Moments

Berlin, Germany – (SatireWorld.com) Workers excavating a world war II bunker discovered a treasure trove of historical photos and secret documents.

Many are considered new and previously unseen and include personal photos of Adolf Hitler candidly taken by Ava Braun, his mistress.

For many years after the end of the war in 1945, rumors persisted that the Nazi leader farted openly for his sexual pleasure while bathing in a luxurious bathtub in the German Chancellery.

PHOTO INSERT: Corporal Belk claims Hitler once sunk a replica of the British battleship HMS Hood with a well-directed fart and quick light of a match. He downplayed rumors of any Jewish yellow rubber ducks being involved Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, World News4 Comments

Bus Ad Tells Congress: Don’t Support Hamas

Bus Ad Tells Congress: Don’t Support Hamas

The Los Angeles-based Israel advocacy group Stand With Us has begun running bus advertisements in San Francisco asking the U.S. Congress not to support the Palestinian resistance group Hamas. According to spokesperson Dr. Macho Harass, the level of Congressional support for Hamas has reached alarming levels. Continue Reading

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Hacker McKinnon Facing Extradition to Jabba the Hutt’s Planet

Hacker McKinnon Facing Extradition to Jabba the Hutt’s Planet

British computer hacker Gary McKinnon, whose extradition to the US was blocked on humanitarian grounds by UK Home Secretary Theresa May today, now faces a prospect nearly as terrifying: being sent for punishment on the alien planet of Tatooine.

McKinnon has long claimed that his hacking was aimed at discovering the truth about UFOs. It seems that he has now incurred the wrath of the Tatooine premier, Jabba the Hutt, by probing into the question of alien life a little too closely. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, World News3 Comments

Ex-Nazi Guard on Trial for 29,999 Murders Expresses Regrets

Ex-Nazi Guard on Trial for 29,999 Murders Expresses Regrets

Selvoka, Poland-(SatireWorld.com)

Former Ukranian concentration camp guard John Demjicunk’s trial ended today with a guilty verdict for the murders committed when he served as a Nazi death camp guard in German occupied Russia during WWII.

Earning the title ‘Ivan the Terrible’ for his frequent use of torture, indiscriminate terror killings of helpless inmates, and really lousy knock-knock jokes, Demjicunk evaded capture for nearly 65 years until caught living in the United States working as an part-time prison guard consultant at the Guantanamo prison complex in Cuba. Continue Reading

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Posted in Strange People, World News1 Comment

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