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N. Dakota Found to be Illegitimate State; Canada Seizes It

N. Dakota Found to be Illegitimate State; Canada Seizes It

A recent disturbing discovery by a North Dakotan historian has revealed a disturbing fact about one of the least popular states in the union- the fact that it is not a state.

John Rolczynski has discovered that the governor and the state deputies at the time of it’s founding never took the oaths of office necessary to give North Dakota statehood. Continue Reading

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EXPOSE – Artificial Recession Created to Prop Up World’s Billionaires

EXPOSE – Artificial Recession Created to Prop Up World’s Billionaires

The current recession is a big success state stated the heads of all the multi national corporations unanimously in their secret publication The Upper Crust Of The Upper Crust.

This publication is known and distributed only to those possessing more than 50 million dollars or controlling more than 10% of the local economy in whatever country they are in. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News1 Comment

Arabic Speling Bee Canceled for Education Concerns

Arabic Speling Bee Canceled for Education Concerns

Modernization efforts in post-Mubarak Egypt were dealt yet another blow this week, with announcement that the first ever Arabic spelling contest will not take place.

Leaders of the fledgling coalition seeking to transition Egypt from military rule to a secular republic were quick to answer outrage from western media on what’s being called ‘Spell-gate.’ Continue Reading

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Caution: Saudi Women Behind the Wheel

Caution: Saudi Women Behind the Wheel

Saudi women are hitting the streets, revving their engines and trying to drive home a very serious point. It’s all part of a push for social reform by defying the desert kingdom’s longstanding ban on female drivers.

“We are not trying to reinvent the steering wheel. We just want to be more than third-class citizens in our own country. So-called ‘backseat bitches.’ Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, World News1 Comment

Al-Qaeda Choice for Bin Laden Replacement Rocks

Al-Qaeda Choice for Bin Laden Replacement Rocks

Al-Qaeda made a major announcement this week, promoting Ayman al-Zawahiri to fill its Chief Terrorist Officer post, a role that has been vacant since the death of its long-time leader, Osama bin Laden.

Al-Zawahiri’s greatest challenge will be convincing critics and diehard al-Qaeda purists that he is the right terrorist to fill bin Laden’s shoes.

“This is exactly like when a famous band gets a new lead singer. You have to win people over. Genesis, Van Halen, AC/DC – they all changed front men and still churned out the hits,” says music critic, Dean Branch. Continue Reading

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Royal Fixation Escalates to Royal Obsession

Royal Fixation Escalates to Royal Obsession

23 million insomniac Americans watched the royal wedding of Prince William and commoner Kate Middleton. Seriously! Rousted out of bed at a ridiculous a.m. hour to witness the event, pale compared to, say, Donald Trump getting skewered by a Brahma bull.

But celebrities and royalty have always captivated bumpkins. For example, medieval serfs spoke of nothing else as they whacked dirt clods with crude garden implements: Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, World News0 Comments

Bin Laden’s Home Video “Bloopers” Found

Bin Laden’s Home Video “Bloopers” Found

Among the hoard of video footage found in Osama Bin Laden’s hideout were a number of out-takes and blooper tapes, it was revealed today. These tapes are a mixture of mistakes by Bin Laden himself while talking directly to camera and practical jokes he played on members of his entourage.

CIA analysts examining the tapes say that this new evidence has proved very useful in tracking down his terrorist network, as well as being “laugh-out-loud funny.” Continue Reading

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Wills and Kate® (Patent Pending)

Wills and Kate® (Patent Pending)

LONDON (AP) — GlossyNews.com – Wills and Kate®, a royal pair if ever there was one, is the official copyrighted name of the British Royal Family’s new world tour idea.

Set to run through 2011, the tour will begin in Canada on June 30 – with an overnight at the Arctic Circle Hilton; move to California on July 8 for two days at Disneyland; thence proceeding around the globe. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, World News0 Comments

Campaigning underway in Al Qaeda leadership race

Campaigning underway in Al Qaeda leadership race

ISLAMABAD – [Glossy News] – The recent demise of Osama Bin Laden has left a vacuum at the heart of Al Qaeda, the world’s foremost terrorist organization.

There is no shortage of ambitious would-be Public Enemy Number One’s to fill the void however, and they are currently jostling for position in what has been dubbed the “Race to the Shite House.” Continue Reading

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Posted in World News1 Comment

Usama bin Laden, a Touching Eulogy

Usama bin Laden, a Touching Eulogy

VARIOUSLY AROUND D.C. — GlossyNews.com Trump is really pissed — he felt that only 8 years of ‘Mission Accomplished’ was not long enough to have any impact. He said, “America needs a real someone to hate.

I thought I had 2012 sealed in a jar with the Birth Certificate issue but that was blown away when he made it public last week. Much to my displeasure, I had to take all the credit for that reveal. But we lost our one best universal hate. All we, as a country, had left to hate was bin Laden — now a dead bin Laden. What’s to hate there?” Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

Osama Bin Laden Slips In Shower, Dies

Osama Bin Laden Slips In Shower, Dies

Islamabad, I think it was last week – GlossyNews.com – After two decades of military operations spanning four continents, at a cost billions of dollars and thousands of U.S. and coalition lives, Al Qaeda mastermind Osama Bin Laden died suddenly last week.

Sources in Pakistan say he was found slumped in his bathroom. Bin Laden’s physician, Dr Ibrahem Patel, said he was still in shock over the incident. “One minute he was with us. Continue Reading

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Gaddafi Ceasefire Gesture: “My Guerillas Have Put Down Their Arms”

Gaddafi Ceasefire Gesture: “My Guerillas Have Put Down Their Arms”

Tripoli Zoo, Tuesday: In a secret satellite conference last Tuesday, Libyan dictator Muhammar Gaddafi reportedly told NATO he had disarmed all of his Guerrillas and he “no longer wanted bloodlessness.”

“No word of a lie. What I say is true. I have taken away my gorillas arms and I want similarly unarmed peacekeepers to enter the Libyan capital of Tripoli as soon as humanly possible,” said Gaddafi, whose stronghold has until now remained impenetrable. Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

Engraved Tax Bills Sent To British Taxpayers on Eve of Royal Wedding

Engraved Tax Bills Sent To British Taxpayers on Eve of Royal Wedding

Reports are coming out of England that part of the cost of throwing one of the most lavish weddings of the decade will be borne by British taxpayers. Unfortunately, with the economy pretty much still on a downward slide, this news could not have come at a worse time for the royal subjects.

To soften the blow, the Queen has come up with a plan that she hopes will take the sting out of bearing some of the burden for a wedding that is rumored to be overpriced and which most of them may only get to attend by watching it on the telly. Continue Reading

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Posted in World News9 Comments

Nuke Energy Leaders Bravely Sacrifice Everything to Save Radioactive Fuel Rods

Nuke Energy Leaders Bravely Sacrifice Everything to Save Radioactive Fuel Rods

WASHINGTON DC – An emergency meeting was convened today between President Obama, top Japanese officials, members of the IAEA, General Electric CEO Jeffrey Immelt, and several nuclear industry leaders, to discuss ways to save the precious fuel rods from the crippled Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant before it succumbs to the dreaded “Chernobyl Solution.”

Concerned that the fuel rods will be buried forever under a giant mound of concrete, the task force, which is being dubbed Save All Nuclear Energy (or SANE), consulted with a panel of experts to determine the best method for retrieving the coveted radioactive material from the reactor core. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, World News0 Comments

Bono and Geldof ask Africa to save Ireland

Bono and Geldof ask Africa to save Ireland

Soweto: Irish pop stars Bob Geldof and U2’s Bono have announced their latest African tour for October of this year. The tour, aptly named “DebtAid” is set to raise funds and prevent famine in the recession-stricken Irish Republic.

“This time we’ve changed things slightly and decided to tour Africa in an effort to eradicate poverty in Ireland,” explained Bono, whose nation is sitting on a sovereign debt disaster, IMF loans totalling 85 billion Euro, Continue Reading

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Posted in World News3 Comments

London Rioters Disrupt Tea at the Ritz

London Rioters Disrupt Tea at the Ritz

Attendees at London’s plush Ritz Tearooms anticipating a quiet sojourn from the hustle and bustle of the city in order to discuss the cricket and deerstalking in the Highlands of Scotland almost choked on their crumpets as the Ritz was attacked by a group of rabid anarchists hell-bent on destruction.

The black clad marauders – their faces obscured by ski masks – smashed windows with metal poles and traffic signs. Anarchist symbols were spray painted all over the exterior as police struggled to control the mayhem. Continue Reading

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Posted in World News5 Comments

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