Category: Politics
Despite Defeat, Romney Vows to Keep Running
Mitt Romney has reportedly been admitted to Massachusetts General Hospital with what is being described as a severe case of political addiction. Sources close to the Republican presidential nominee say that his defeat in this year’s election revealed the previously…
Common Sense Files to Secede from The Union
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following a number of high profile lapses in ordinary, rational behavior across the country in recent months, “common sense” put forward a petition Friday to secede from the United States. Filing its petition on the White House’s…
Tea Party Member Breaks Ranks and Votes for Self-interest
In a surprising move, Tea Party member Wright Wing admitted that he decided to break ranks and vote for Barack Obama for president. “Believe me, I had no intention of voting for Obama,” said Mr. Wing. “But when I sat…
Open Letter to House Republicans; It’s Time to Compromise
Listen guys, you still govern us, so I’m counting on you. No, We The American People are counting on you. We need real reform, and your party is in the position of power that can make that happen, so we…
Election 2012 Over; Will Lessons Learned Fade as Quickly as the Scars?
The 2012 elections were stressful and trying for those on both sides of the political spectrum, but it’s easy to see why nobody had it worse than Brian K. White, the editor of Glossy News. After all, I did have…
Romney Denies He’s a Crybaby
Defeated Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney denies he is a crybaby. “Yes, I lost the election,” said Romney. “But there are reasons why I lost, many of them relating to the gifts Obama gave to blacks, Hispanics and young people…
Patraeus Regrets Affair, Mainly “Getting Found Out”
Former CIA director David Patraeus has confided that he deeply regrets much about his affair with biographer Paula Broadwell, but chief among his regrets is that the affair was discovered and made public. “He regrets that affair on so many…
Republicans Religious Epiphany After Election “God Wants Us to be Bi-Partisan”
Republicans have been almost unanimous in quoting that a Divine inspiration has descended upon them. Apparently this heavenly apparition was bestowed upon their golden leader, John Boehner. Mr. Boehner, his eyes glowing with enlightened envisionment, has come forth upon his…
Republicans Wish Democrats Would Stop Smiling
WASHINGTON – With the 2012 U.S. election now nearly a week old, Republican politicians are beginning to wonder how long it will take for their Democratic rivals to wipe the shit-eating grins off their faces and return to normal. “It…
Nation Subjects Obama to Another 4 Years
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a tight election contest, President Obama was officially subjected to another 4 years in office by a sadistic American electorate Tuesday. Mr. Obama, who has endured relentless and regularly unfounded attacks from the Republican Party in…