Nation Subjects Obama to Another 4 Years

WASHINGTON D.C. – In a tight election contest, President Obama was officially subjected to another 4 years in office by a sadistic American electorate Tuesday.

Mr. Obama, who has endured relentless and regularly unfounded attacks from the Republican Party in his first year, will be forced to work in the same, thankless position until 2016, in which he is expected to suffer the vitriolic abuse of the GOP, following the expansion of Obamacare, immigration reform, and gay rights.

“Thank you to everyone who got out there and voted,” said the President-elect, from his victory speech platform in Chicago, Illinois. “Unfortunately we didn’t quite make it. That’s right: the majority voted for my re-election.”

The Obama campaign issued a statement Wednesday, conceding that Republican rival Mitt Romney had “fought a good fight” and that he had successfully fated Obama to 4 more years in Washington D.C.

“We extend our congratulations to Governor Romney,” said Obama campaign manager David Plouffe. “His defeat tonight confirms the unthinkable: that President Obama must go through another four years of this shit. We remain gracious in victory.”

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