Category: Politics
Bi-Partisan Summit Ends Aprubtly After Attendees Unable to Agree Who Gets to be the Car in Monopoly
Monopoly strikes again. No, not the kind that FDR broke-up in the 1930s. This is the kind that tears families apart and tests the boundaries of the relationships of the participants involved. This is a game that often ends in…
Tea Party Advocates Destruction of All of America (Except its Golf Courses)
Dateline: WASHINGTON—Senator and reputed Tea Party leader Ted Cruz introduced a resolution to the Senate yesterday, calling for the immolation of all of the United States apart from its golf courses. Speaking in favour of the motion on the congressional…
New NSA Allegations Surround Facebook Number Game
You may have noticed a recent Facebook game on your newsfeed lately where friends assign each other numbers to reveal not so random facts about each other. It may have seemed harmless enough admitting that your favorite food is chocolate…
Talking Points Should be Delivered to Empty Rooms, Politicians and Journalists Agree
Dateline: WASHINGTON—At an unprecedented conference yesterday on relations between journalism and democratic government, Washington correspondents together with congressional leaders and the President reached an understanding about their public communications: from now on, the politician will deliver his or her talking…
Romney Points to Fact That $2.8m in Taxes is Far Higher than What Most Americans Pay
TALLAHASSEE, FL – Embattled Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has defended himself over the controversy surrounding his tax percentage, insisting that the $2.8m he pays annually is “far more than what most people pay in a single year.” Speaking at…
Entire Population of Indiana Tired of This Sh*t
INDIANAPOLIS – Citing various factors, ranging from the lack of viable job opportunities to the general malaise of winter, the entire population of Indiana announced Saturday that it is so goddamn tired of this shit, adding: “really?”. Holy effing shart,…
Drunken Governor Sells Indiana Back to Native Americans
INDIANAPOLIS – Calling it the most regrettable legislative decision of his career, Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels – apparently under the influence of alcohol – agreed to sell the entire state of Indiana back to the Native Americans Saturday. According to…
Blowback from Koch Story from (Un)likely A-Hole
We recently ran a story about the infamous Koch brothers’ wealth. Their wealth has increased $33 billion since the horrible Obama took office, but apparently that’s not enough of a story for some random jackass from the internet. So let’s…
Non-Partisan Partisan Groups Terrorizing Republicans, Democrats Alike
Sick of the constant bickering between the two major political parties in America and the endless difficulties if makes for the common man, small groups of non-partisan partisan groups have taken to hiding in the woods and in the cellars…
Emergency Rooms Filled with Victims of Thumb Amputations
Hospitals and 911 phone banks were overwhelmed Saturday night when 16% of the nation lost its thumbs. “It was mass chaos,” said Doctor Anne Fulbright at Dallas General Hospital. “All of sudden all these thumbless white people showed up spurting…